Checking in

My goodness. It has been a long time since I've posted. I'm alive and well, but too busy to get near a computer. I can imagine it will probably be like this for the next month or so.

I'm actually at my parents' house in Western WA. I've been here for a week now; Starbeans is living it up with Bupa and Gramma, loving all the attention and interaction. They love it too, of course: it makes me happy.

I've been feeling the baby move a lot -- mostly the feeling of light tapping on either side of my belly. My uterus is enlarging rapidly, as I now can feel a big hard lump in my lower belly where I used to have to feel around for it a bit. I really love feeling it move, imagining who it is and what it must look like. Everything is so mysterious at this point.

All my pregnancy books got packed up in January (before we knew we would be pregnant soon), so I'm not as on it with this pregnancy. I'm too lazy to look online (besides, I like books better) and the pregnancy book I did have, I had to return to the library. With my first pregnancy, I could tell you everything that was going on with baby and body week by week, but this pregnancy -- not so much. Not that I have a lot going on or anything, right? Sheesh, man. I'm looking forward to life slowing down a bit. But...does it ever? I have a sneaking suspicion that it doesn't.

Finding "Bee-doles"

Baby Lucy

Starbeans' older cousin, Mari, gave him a realistic baby doll this last weekend, called "Lucy". Her head is hard and floppy and sometimes bashes him in the face, but he loves her anyway. It is so cute!

He has just started getting interested in dolls within the last month or so: starting with my use of the Doll-baby Jealousy Nursing Technique, but it has continued with a genuine interest in playing with them. He carries the dolls around, gives them water from his sippy cup, and points out Lucy's eyes, ears, mouth, and toes; even as I write this, he is giving Baby Lucy a ride in his "Bih-Tuh" [Big Truck].

Fashion [that doesn't make] Sense

I can't wait until the current fashion of HUGE t-shirts and ENORMOUS pants and shorts dissipates. The teenage boys in our area look so silly. They can barely walk, with their pants clinging to their upper thighs -- they waddle like ducks, constantly clutch at their belts, and continuously attempt to keep their pants from plain-old falling to the ground. It is downright absurd. Will they ever look back at themselves, like many have been known to do, and say, "I wore that??"

An interesting side note on that last question: It seems that the people who are the most whooped up about keeping with the fashions are the ones who say it with the most fervor. I wore that?? As you might imagine, I do not fall in that category...I just don't have the energy or interest to participate. Just let me be warm, comfortable, and moderately attractive.

Closing date: scheduled

We signed the purchase agreement on our home last night. Our closing date is scheduled for Friday, June 29th. Wow. This is really going to happen. Next weekend, we are traveling to our New Town and signing the purchase agreement on that place. The 15 acre farmstead. Wow. We're gonna be Rural in less than 2 months --------- Whoa.

Drying diapers

Where diapers hang to dry in the spring, summer, & fall

Where diapers hang to dry in the winter (in the basement)

Today is 16 weeks - I should be feeling the baby start to move soon. I first felt Starbeans move at 17 weeks, which is pretty early for a first pregnancy. None of my friends would believe me, but I knew what I was feeling; and slowly but surely, those fluttering feelings became firmer until they became full-fledge punches and kicks. I can't wait! Then maybe I'll start feeling truly pregnant, instead of just thick in the middle.

Curls

Starbeans' hair is curling up into little ringlets with more moisture in the air, giving me all the more reason to delay the inevitable First Haircut. It is so precious! I'll have to post pictures soon.

An a. borealis stream-of-consciousness list (straight from my brain to yours)

• I don't own a microwave.
• I don't own a dishwasher.
• I do own a television.
• I read a lot more before Starbeans was born.
• I'm getting sick of the pseudo-name, 'Starbeans'. That was a nickname for him for a few weeks when he was 6 months old. I really want to just call him by his real name, which means, supplanter, and is the Spanish version of James, but I don't know if I ever will because it seems like it would be so revealing. I certainly can't change his pseudo-name at this point. That would be too hard.
• I love trees and fungi.
• I have been known to cry over the sheer beauty of violins and cellos playing.
• Once, Squeeze bought a huge set of ear phones to go with his discman. I ripped on him and ripped on him over their size and seeming extravagance until, one night, he had me listen: playing was Sacred Treasures: Choral Masterworks from Russia. It made me cry like a newborn babe.
• I always wanted to live either in the city, or in the country. Never in the suburbs.
• I lived in the suburbs from birth to age 14, then lived in a semi-rural town until I graduated from high school.
• I spent college in the suburbs again.
• I have lived in the city as an adult, thus far.
• The town my family moved to when I was 14 was an old logging-turned-farming community - my mother's family has been there for 4 generations.
• That town is now one huge development.
• It makes me sad, but I know that the wheels of change have been in motion for not just 10, 15, or 20 years, but over 100 years. It struck me when I was in the new grocery store in town last fall: I saw a picture of 3 women, sitting abreast an enormous stump -- there was room for at least two more people on each side of them. The picture was taken in the very district my family lived in for 10 years and not a tree of that size exists, anywhere. They were all decimated. You see? Change began long ago.
• Where I live in Minneapolis was farmland 100 or so years ago.
• No one can stop "progress".
• One of our main requirements for going rural was to move to a community that would NOT become a suburb in a matter of 10-20 years. As a town of 700, not on any major freeway, and over an hour from any smallish-city, I hope our chosen place will not fall prey.
• More than likely, we will be living rurally by this July.
• Sometimes I get scared about being stranded: my MIL & FIL and Squeeze's grandma live in the town 1/2 hour north, but we don't know anyone else. I am used to being very social, seeing people as I please and going to any store as I please (not to mention any library I please). I know this is going to change and it frightens me a little.
• But it isn't going to stop me.

THE END.

A newly discovered book, which I plan to buy

Published by Garden Way Publishing in 1983:

Food Drying: How to Dehydrate, Store and Use Vegetables, Fruits and Herbs

5/3 update: I bought it over ebay on a Buy it Now for 1 dollar, 5 dollars total. The poor sucker doesn't know what he'll be missing (but I do). Yippee!

Nursing multiples

Starbeans started doing the cutest thing within the last couple of weeks. He brings his dolls into me to nurse them, saying, "Mee! Mee! Mee!" [this of course, means "Milk! Milk! Milk!"]. It all started one night when he wouldn't settle down and I used the Doll-baby Jealousy Nursing Technique, bringing his dolls to my breast to make him calm down and want to nurse (and therefore get sleepy and go to bed). It worked.

Now, almost every day, he brings them to me for "Mee!" He has even started nursing them himself, lifting up his teeny shirt and holding them to his little baby nipple. It is unbearably adorable. He pats their backs while he holds them there. It brings a tear to my mothery eye.

Ring-a-ting-ting II

I heard the local Ice Cream Man going by again this weekend, playing,

O Christmas Tree,
O Christmas Tree,
How lovely are your branches!

Yanked out of self-pity

Finally, after two months, our schedule is starting to get to me. Because Squeeze is working nights and sleeping during the day, he must keep this schedule even on weekends to keep himself in the groove. Effectively, for me, it is as if he works 7 days a week; I have been alone with Starbeans until 4:00 pm every day since the beginning of March. The good side of this is we (Squeeze and I) actually get time together alone; whereas when we were both working part-time, weeks could go by without us ever being able to connect as a couple. That was really tough. We also feel much more balanced, which feels so good. While we are both happier with our current schedule, it is still far from ideal.

Knowing that everything is temporary helps, but Starbeans' teething and the seemingly constant fits and crying this week sent me into a downward spiral of despair. One that only my girl Barbara Kingsolver could yank me out of. During his nap today, I sat out in our sun-filled porch with carrots, cheese, and hummus by my side and soaked in the first three essays of Small Wonder. Finally, something to bring me out of my myopic focus on my own frustrations. Not necessarily trivial frustrations, but ones that I was allowing to effect me in a greater scale than should be. Barbara Kingsolver has a way of writing that incorporates the world at large. I particularly enjoy the way she looks at this through the lenses of biology and history. She reminds me that not only are the problems of the world much greater than mine, but so is the beauty, ingenuity, and stark grandeur of life on this planet, throughout all of its systems. I really appreciate her voice, much like the writings of Wendell Berry. She speaks so clearly.

With my remaining free-time, I looked for her online and found that she has a new book coming out May 2007, called Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life. In it, Kingsolver chronicles a year that her family ate only what they grew or raised themselves, or what they could buy locally. I can hardly wait! With her usual insight into life, I'm sure that she will knock me flat. It's gonna be awesome.

Etc. etc. etc.

My brother's girlfriend, Ashley, was here on Wednesday for a few hours; we walked down to the creek and then stopped by an ice cream shoppe called the Pumphouse Creamery, where we chowed on arguably the best ice cream I've ever had in my entire life. This is coming from a girl who prefers savory over sweet just about any day of the week: it was that good. I've been deviously strategizing ways of getting back there with Squeeze in tow. He loves ice cream.

Picking his nose with a pretty girl

Meeting Ashley was really cool. She's from British Columbia, Canada and was road-tripping it from BC to NY with one of her roommates from college. The youth! The freedom! She is very sweet: genuine and easy to talk to. This girl keeps it real. I like that. A lot.

Starbeans has been growing and changing with leaps and bounds:

• His new thing is "jumping" from his kiddie chair into my (or Squeeze's) arms. He climbs up on it and says, "Duhm! Duhm! Duhm!" [which of course, means, "Jump! Jump! Jump!"], makes big, theatrical movements as if he is going to catapult himself off the chair like a wildman, then walks right into our waiting arms. The kid can't jump yet. He knows what it is, but those chubby little feet never leave the ground.


• He is adding descriptors into his jargon, like "Bih Tuh!" [Big Truck] and "Bih Tratow!" [Big Tractor]. Well, I guess that is only one descriptor: BIG. I thought there were others, but they have left me (if ever they existed).


• His memory is amazing: We're working on not throwing food from his highchair. I've explained to him a million times: when he's done eating, say, "Mama, all done" and I will clear his tray and get him down. Up until this morning, he just didn't get it. The food would be thrown, reprimands would be made, the clean-up would start. But this morning, he pointed to the floor and said, "No, no"; I gave my mini-lecture again, and he responded with, "Ah-doh" (with the sign) instead of throwing food. He got it!! It is so encouraging, knowing that he eventually gets it. We went through the same thing with screaming when he was done eating. He finally started saying, "Ah-doh"...that is, until the food throwing began.


• His memory is amazing, Part II: He still remembers where the cat pooped on the floor by the door. He often brings up when he fell off the loveseat and hit his head on the floor the other day, by saying "Ow! Ow! Ow!", pointing to the loveseat and his head. When asked if he wants to go on a walk, he'll go and get up into his stroller on the porch. Every time we drive by a certain bright yellow restaurant on our way home from the library, he points to it and says, "Ye-yo!" He remembers the "Yowd!" trucks on our alley from 3 weeks ago. Every time we're in the backyard, he points to the door in the fence and says, "Bupa!" because that is where Grandpa parks when he comes over (in the alley driveway). He knows the cats' names. Etc. etc. etc.

Negotiations: Complete

I can't believe it, but we actually negotiated to a price that we are both satisfied with. We should be signing a Purchase Agreement this week. It is amazing how things can work out. The next hurdle will be for Squeeze to find a job near our new place, which could potentially be difficult. He doesn't necessarily have a specific trade or profession, so we're basically looking for anything that will pay the bills and secure financing on our pursuit of going rural. We will most likely be closing at the end of June, so we have two months! Yikes.

All in all, we are very pleased with ourselves. Considering market conditions and the fact that we never even had to list our home, things have gone very well for us. Months and months of intense labor are paying off and now we can enjoy our last two months at the peak of our garden's glory. We couldn't be happier! Here's to hoping the job search goes surprisingly smooth...

Aside from that, my youngest brother's girlfriend will be stopping by tomorrow; she's on her way with one of her roommates to NY. I haven't met her yet, so I'm excited for the opportunity. It should be interesting.

Starbeans has been singing a lot lately. His new hit single is called, "You You You". Those are the only lyrics. I wish you all could hear it; he is so dang cute. And while I'm on the subject of cute...he fell asleep today while watching Gumby. I usually let him watch Gumby for 10-15 minutes after his bath in the morning [email time for me!], but today, he took a bath in the afternoon. It is much to my chagrin to admit this, but...whenever the kid poops, I plop him in the tub. I'm not cleaning up that crap! I probably have the luxury to do this with one child...I shudder to imagine actually having to clean a turdy butt without the bath as a tool. Yuck. Anyway - he took a bath right before nap-time, and not to break bath-time tradition, I let him watch Gumby afterwards. The poor baby fell right asleep. I should have known!

One of the Remaining Two took the opportunity for some snuggle-time with a motionless and non-harrassing toddler

Untitled

I am reveling in a well-deserved break from my munchkin today [his nap]. He missed his nap two days in a row this week - Thursday and Friday - and while he did nap yesterday, I spent the entire three hours in a cleaning frenzy, preparing for our potential buyers' 2nd visit. Living in a house and showing a house are entirely two different realities...man. But the hard work will pay off in the end, especially if we are able to negotiate to a price that pleases us both. We shall see.

Bloodroot

Yellow & Purple Crocus

If there is any time of the year that I feel reluctant to move, it is spring. Our garden is on the verge of radiance; it is so nice to spend time outside. I know that 15 dreamy acres located in farmland will make our postage stamp of a yard seem like a cage, but I still feel sad about leaving all of our hard work. Four years of landscaping, to be enjoyed by someone else; much of it purchased when we actually had the money to buy nice things. We also planted several trees, three birch and a sugar maple - I feel sad about never being able to see them mature. There are so many bushes and plants in our yard that I will miss. Thankfully, we will be taking divisions of many of the perennials; but our most favorite dwarf Colorado Blue Spruce is going to have to stay. Sad.

Ring-a-ting-ting, complaining, midwifery & FSBO updates

I heard the first Ice Cream Man of the season yesterday. Where I grew up (Western WA), we called him the Popsicle Man. I once blew 20 dollars that I had found at my elementary school playground during after-school hours, ALL ON POPSICLES. I think I bought them for all my siblings and any kids around at the time, too. I always loved the Astro Pops the best.

Anyway, our Ice Cream Man yesterday afternoon played an array of Christmas music, of all things. While he was going by, I heard Jingle Bells and Silent Night. It seems so bizarre and ironic to me as a Northerner. Perhaps a Southerner wouldn't think twice? There is such a firm connection between summer and popsicles/ice cream that is seems so strange to be playing wintry Christmas songs while cajoling through the neighborhood. It gave me a chuckle while I was slaving to wash and rinse blinds that have been in storage since we moved in. It was shocking how dirty they were. It took some serious scrubbing to get the grim off and all the while, I was thinking, "Four years later, and we're still cleaning up their messes!" Seriously. They better be glad they sold in a Seller's Market. Spring cleaning was a foreign concept to these people; they kept their house surfacy-clean, so we spent the first few weeks/months opening up hiding places and shrieking, "Ahhhhhhkkkgh!" You would think blinds would qualify in the Surface Dept.

My meeting with the midwife went well; it was more of a "get to know you" session. We spent a lot of time just chatting, intermixed with light talk about birthing philosophy. They just sold their home FSBO, so that was an interesting connection. Starbeans spent his time going back and forth between the "prenatal room" and the living room, bringing toy cars galore and lining them up on the couch. I liked her. She seemed very big on nutrition and food intake during pregnancy, which is really nice. She is still nursing her 3 year old, so I know that she'll be very supportive in that dept. It seemed like the process of seeing her up unto the birth is not only to monitor general well-being and the pregnancy as it progresses, but also to get a good feel for each other prior to the Big Event. I like that, too. In the case of our move, she is willing to meet half-way for check-ups (amazing) and fine with traveling the 2-3 hours from her home to ours for the birth. She said that there aren't many midwives in the Western MN area. After my search, I would agree with her. I couldn't find much of anyone. Sad.

As far as selling our home goes, we may be going FSBO after all. I can hardly believe it. A simple conversation while meeting a new neighbor morphed into an opportunity to sell our home. The interested couple are friends of our neighbor; they want to move into South Minneapolis and like the idea of living close to their friend and, I believe, the Creek. They came and looked at our house last Friday and are already in the process of scheduling an inspection, an appraisal, another look-through, and plan to put their offer in this Sunday evening. It will be interesting to see what happens. We haven't signed with a realtor yet, so we are home-free to go FSBO. As you can imagine, we are very pleased. We knew our house was cute, but it is so nice to have that affirmed by an outside party. Hooray!

Formerly Four

I haven't posted on this yet, but we relieved ourselves of another cat this weekend. We are down to two, which is much more manageable number, even for cat-lovers. Our stress level is noticeably lower; we knew it would be like that, but it is so hard to part with felines that have become firmly entrenched in one's heart.

Little Bud (formerly known as Seven before he came to us), has a new home with the brother of one of my former co-workers and neighbor, Christina. They are so kind to send us emails of how he is getting along [fabulously]. I am very thankful for that, it makes things a little easier. He is 100% Persian, bred for a longer face, so not show quality - but living a higher quality of life because of it. He is dumb as a rock, but so, so gorgeous.

Here's how inbred he is:

• His dad is his grandpa
• His mom is his sister

Yeah, try to wrap your mind around that one. But his breeders, like I said, were going for a longer nose. We got him from a friend who was moving and couldn't take him with (he still can't). He claims to have never seen that Seinfeld episode (the one where George goes ballistic after his acquaintances name their son Seven, the name he came up with). Whatever... The trial-period name before that was Pokey, so I'm glad that didn't stick.

I miss him. Every now and then I think of something he'd be doing or I think I heard his pathetic little meow, and I miss him more. We started calling him Little Bud because it was the only name stupid enough to fit his mental capabilities - like running after Q-tips that weren't even thrown, humping on stuffed animals, and attempts at ingesting yards (and I mean yards) of ribbon. He truly was a little buddy.

Midwifery: engaged

I'm meeting with a homebirthing midwife tomorrow morning...my first appointment! We spoke on the phone today for about 20 minutes, then scheduled an introductory meeting for tomorrow morning. During our conversation she said that she is willing to travel to our new home, if and when we are able to move by the time of the birth (which is the goal). I thought that was amazing, as it will be a full three hours away.

I am excited to hear her birth philosophy and start making plans for our birth process. I look forward with great interest to going through labor and childbirth again; especially being at home. I have a hunch that it is going to be a completely different experience. It is going to be so interesting!! The best part about it is that sweet little newborn that will be on the other end of it. What a precious thing to contemplate: the fact that it exists right now, who it will be and what it will look like are already formed. That really blows my mind. Squeeze is already calling it a "him", as males run so heavily on the Borealis side. In four generations, there have been 9 males and only 3 females born from Borealis men: those are pretty heavily weighted odds. [Interestingly, the 3 females are spread across 3 generations.] I'm still calling it an "it", though. I prefer the mystery.

While we were discussing our appointment tomorrow, the midwife clearly expected that both Squeeze and I would be coming to the appointment. I was a bit taken aback, mostly because he will be sawing logs at 10:00 am and taking "time off" from sleep is simply not an option - so I didn't even consider it. [Now that he works nights, he sleeps from about 8:00 am to 4:00 pm.] Thinking about it more, her assumption that he would be there is probably another indicator of her birth philosophy...that the male is going to be completely involved and therefore will want to be a part of everything. I like that.

Wednesday is 13 weeks.

Filled with sorrow

I've been crying all weekend and feeling very dismal. Squeeze's cousin, whose farm we took Lester to, emailed and said that they haven't seen him for a week or more. It was hard to part with him in the first place, but knowing that I will probably never see him again is enough to string my heart out on a line and keep my eyes brimming with tears.

My grand scheme was always to get him back when we go rural this summer; to be an outside cat in the country. He would have loved that. Now I don't even know if he's alive. He probably is, but I'll never know that for sure. Unless of course, he comes back... But the only familiar thing at the new place was his carrier and the blanket inside of it. Not people. Not anything but that. Is that enough to bring a stray cat home? I can only hope. It has really been eating at me since I read, and re-read, and re-read again, her email with the bad news. I am very upset. Lester!!!

Politically active?

I've been writing letters to legislators like nobody's business - something I've never done before. My topics of choice? Support and certification for direct-entry midwives in SD and mercury-free vaccinations in MN. It is so easy - simply go to their website or the legislative website for your state, fill in the necessary information and let 'er rip. It feels good to know that I am voicing my opinions to people who have true influence over laws that affect our lives. I wish I had started sooner!