No baby yet

Just checking in to say, "All is well".

I had contractions coming every 12-15 minutes throughout the afternoon yesterday, but only when I was standing up and moving around.  The moment I sat down, a.k.a. "changed my activity" as the books say, they all but stopped.  Interestingly, the baby was simultaneously very active, shimmying and seemingly responding to the surges.

Wednesday was a quiet day, but I noticed the tightening of my uterus every half-hour or so on Tuesday.  My body must just be practicing and preparing for the real thing.

Now I'm hoping that if this is not the day, no contractions please.  How unpleasant and distracting.  I'd much rather wait for the real thing, then hunker down and focus.  No more, please . . . not until you're ready to come, little one.

This is also not to mention the fact that there is a blizzard coming today.  The roads are completely iced due to rain and 6-8 hours of snow melt yesterday, with temps dropping rapidly by mid-afternoon.  The wind is from the north, fierce, and the snow is just starting to fall thickly.

We've talked about the potential of an unassisted birth and feel fairly confident and comfortable with it.  If travel were completely restricted, I'd certainly rather be at home by myself instead of en route during a blizzard. 

We also have an unassisted birth kit circulated in these parts by a doula friend and birth advocate, "just in case", which adds to the comfort level.  It has all the tools, tinctures, manuals, and instructional charts that we would need for a successful (normal and uncomplicated) birth on our own.  I would certainly rather be tended to by a midwife, though.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out -- I am feeling generally optimistic. 

Another wonderful thing to be thankful for is that Squeeze is home.  He saved two days off, just in case the baby came early, and the PTO cannot be transferred to 2011.  So we have a lovely 4-day weekend together. 

I'm so glad!  Lovely.

Over the hump, again

I'm feeling better again.  Thank goodness.

Writing about how I felt was very good for me yesterday.  So was writing about the warts.  Seriously.  It reminded me that there are other things going on in my life other than urinating, eating, grunting when I have to bend over, and the tightening of my uterus.

Which is happening a lot, by the way.  (All four.)

I also gave myself a good talking-to yesterday in the late morning.  Enough despair, I said.  Let's focus on the positive and make these last few days pleasant instead of miserable.  So, as it was beautifully sunny and 30 degrees outside, I suited up the boys and headed out.  They loved it. 

Then we ate lunch, read together, snuggled down, and both boys napped while I rested for a half-hour.  When I got up, I went into the gorgeously-lit sunroom and worked through a few things: sorting newborn clothes, writing up a birth plan, and bouncing ideas off my doula friend who is going to be here for the birth. 

It ended up being a pretty good day.

I have another appointment with my midwife today.  Let's hope it is the LAST.  Not because I don't want to see her, but because still being pregnant at this time next week might plunge me back into the pit.  And my due date isn't even until this Sunday!  What a wimp I am, having gone early with both boys.  I only expect the best!  And soon.

I've hit the wall, then a small wart remedy bunny-trail

PREGNANCY
39 weeks

My sense of peace?  Gone. 

I've tumbled into the end-of-pregnancy despair.  Just yesterday!  How can one week be so different from the last? 

I am not sleeping well -- that could have something to do with it.  I spent the hours from 1:00 AM to 5:00 AM in the hazy netherworld of wakefulness and half-sleep, having to get up and pee three times and up to eat once in that timeframe.

I want my body back.

I'm having a hard time, too, with squirrely little boys who are drawn to me with magnetic force and whose most joyful desire is to be doing all their happy games or wild play right next to me.  Or on me.  I am just so super-sensitive right now.  I don't want to be jostled, whacked, thumped, or hanged upon.  And, it seems that no matter where I am, or what I'm doing, it's happening.

I sound like such a crank.

I got out the newborn clothes yesterday.  And the diapers.  I'm mid-process with Truen's baby calendar.  I haven't touched the hem of the swaddling blanket or the mending pile. 

I cleaned out, washed walls, dusted, and vacuumed the entire downstairs bedroom last week.  It was so cathartic.  Upon closer inspection this morning, I saw a thin layer of dust on the vanity.  Despair!  Dusting really should be done once a week?!  Who has time for that?

WARTS
(I know, I know . . . such a shift of gears)

On the brighter side, we have been applying a homeopathic wart gel on Truen's five (count 'em: FIVE) warts: the giant one on his ring finger that he has had for over a year, the three smaller ones on the same hand and, the worst of all, the one he developed on his BOTTOM LIP this fall (a result of sucking on his big wart so much). 

And they are disappearing!  Shrinking, dying, falling off.  We started noticing change within a week and a half of using the gel.  What an easy and gentle remedy.  We sourced the gel from a compounding pharmacy in our area, on the advice of a friend.  It has been three weeks of application.

The wart on his lip is barely visible.  The one on his thumb actually fell off yesterday.  The two little ones on his hand have sunk back in and are no longer visible and the giant ring finger wart is turning brown and shrinking.

Victory!  We are so pleased.  And relieved. 

I mean, come on -- a lip wart?  Yikes.

39 weeks

There's a full-sized newborn in there!

Un-un-un-un

38 weeks

My sense of peace continues. 

I honestly feel like I am over the hump of late-pregnancy despair.  It feels so good.  Instead of feeling grumbly, I generally feel like myself, with the exception of having to urinate with unbelievable frequency.  I'm honestly wondering if the baby has engaged, because of how much I've had to use the bathroom this afternoon.  It has been every 10-15 minutes, with urgency.  I keep on feeling the top of my belly and it does seem lower.  ???

I still have a huge list of things I want to do before the baby is born.

• Dust the entire house
• Hem the new baby's swaddling blanket
• Finish my mending pile (something I only do once a year -- why?!  It's so easy.)
• Complete Truen's baby calendar (DOH.  Though all I have to do is organize and paste in pretty paper and pictures.)

And I can't remember the rest.  These are the most urgent, in my mind.  Dusting also probably happens maybe once a year.  I know.  Gross.

Meanwhile, I'm fine -- totally fine.  Not antsy, not miserable, not wishing the time away.  It feels so wonderful!

The midwife and her apprentice are coming tomorrow for an appointment, as well as my friend who is working on her DONA (doula certification) who will be attending the birth.  She'll be bringing her children Ava and Felix, so the boys are going to have a blast.

On a side note, Diego dreamt the other night that he wanted to marry Ava but couldn't tell her because he was too embarrassed.  He has plans to inform her of this tomorrow!  Cute. ♥

Get your Christmas bootie moving

Christmas in Killarney -- one of my faves.

I can't dance this year, but if I could, this would get my bootie moving.  Or jigging, as it were.  Isn't it fun?!  It's one of Diego's favorites too.

I ran into this YouTube video last year (I can't remember how) and I remember being very confused because these guys actually look like the voices they are doing.  It isn't them, though -- the song is actually by a real group called The Irish Rovers.  They have a Christmas album called An Irish Christmas that is a lot of fun. 

My other favorite Christmas song this year is It Came Upon a Midnight Clear by the Chuck Wagon Gang, but I couldn't find any vids of it to post.  Such a bummer.  I love the combination of their voices.

And now, da-da-da-DA!

One from old Squeeze:



Squeeze honestly loved this song as a kid.  I am NOT kidding.  He re-discovered it this year thanks to the radio station that plays at work.  "Perfect 80's pop fluff," he says.  Gag me.

Nearing the end

On my way to the midwife yesterday (after seeing the back-up doctor the day before), just sitting and pondering, I hit upon a sweet emotional state.

Peace.

And it lingers yet this morning . . .

I feel a complete sense of calm and satisfaction about being in the last stages of pregnancy.  Not anxiously wishing to have my body back (get this thing outta me!) or the physical discomfort that goes with it, but the special glow of understanding that these last few weeks are precious too.

For me, as a pregnant woman.  There is a full-sized newborn in there, with eyelashes, fingernails, and sweet toothless gums.  I already know its sleep-wake cycles.  It responds to outside stimulus.  I love feeling its little, pointy heels and firm little butt at the top of my belly.  I love wondering about it.

For me and my boys, in the last days of Two vs. Three.  What will the changes bring?  How will they respond?  Will I feel stretched?  Snuggling down into a nap, a very special time for us, is going to be very different.  I only have two arms, two sides.  Will I spend more or less time with them?  I remember the sweet hours of reading to Diego while Truen slept or nursed.  Will it be a similar experience?

Sunday is 38 weeks.

The cutest little snowman ever

Fire the Snowman
♥ Built by Diego ♥

That's so existential

I was having a lot of contractions today during Diego's Quiet Time.  It was probably the way I was sitting (somewhat slouched) while I was reading.  It was certainly uncomfortable, though not altogether painful.

Thinking about it later while I was cutting an orange for a snack for the boys, I looked at my reflection in the window, pondering childbirth, and honestly thought to myself, "I can't believe I'm pregnant."  And I couldn't.  Believe it.

How is that for surreal?  Almost 37 weeks pregnant, right at the end, sitting-in-a-puddle-pregnant, and I'm surprised by the reality that I am, in fact, pregnant.

Weird.

etc.

Things that have run through my mind to post recently . . . nothing much.

• I have finally come to the conclusion that I HATE DOING CRAFTS with young children. It's just a lot of stress, work, and hovering. Though I do like how it comes out in the end and that it pleases them.  Ugh, and I thought I appreciated the artistic process.
• I really, truly adore cabbage fried in bacon fat.
• I'm starting to feel a compulsion to nest. I'm not usually like this, but general disorder and clutter is really getting on my nerves.
• I went out and about 3 times last week and swore I wouldn't leave the house for the rest of December. I was whooped!
• I somehow miscalculated my weeks, and, after looking at the calendar last weekend, realized that I was 36 weeks pregnant, not 37 like I had thought. What's the diff in the end anyway, right?  But it was a major blow to my psyche.
• I am so proud of what good boys I have. They are thoughtful, take good care of each other, and generally listen very well. I see signs of their obedience all over the house; like when I ask them to put something away and, later in the day, I see it set nicely in its place.  I love them! ♥

Without a doubt,

I've got the pregnancy waddle by the evening hours.  Terrific.