It's been rough

I've crafted many-a-post in my mind of late with no time to get at the computer, but now my mind is a pile of mush.

Mush, I tell you.

We are on the mend around here.  Ear infection, conjunctivitis, rumbling bowels, a slight cold, and the in-grown toenail have all been stamped out and/or healed.  Thankfully.  We have been home two weeks today and things are just starting to feel normal again.

But I still feel strange. 

I honestly feel like I am still recovering from the week-long unrelenting grind and nasty-screeching-whinefest that was Truen's ear and eye infections.  (Nothing was right, everything was wrong -- my jaw was clenched virtually all his waking hours.) 

My patience is thin.  I am antsy and irritated.  I am here, but not really present.  Annoyed with my children.  Cranky.  Feeling like I can't catch a break. 

I've honestly thought things like, "What on earth did I get myself into??" in regards to motherhood.  (Regretting motherhood?  Almost 6 years into it?!)  I wish I could send them into a time vortex where I don't have to deal with them for a few hours.  Or days.

Isn't that terrible?  But I suppose every mother feels that way at one time or another.  I know I've felt this way before. 

In spite of everything, in the midst of it . . . while they are asleep and looking like little angels, I look at them and feel teary about how they are growing and changing and wonder if I am good enough for them.  What a paradox.

And I do know, even while feeling angst verging on despair, that I am in the midst of transition.  And that transition is often the harbinger of stress. 

The smaller transition of coming back into "real life" after three weeks away.  There is always a rough period of re-entry, which seems particularly hard for the 3 year olds.  I remember Diego being pretty hard to deal with when he was three as well (and he wasn't even sick).

And more importantly, the larger transition of adding a baby into the mix -- which definitely shortens the already-sparse freedom of mind and movement.  I'm trying to remind myself to slow down and enjoy my children instead of feeling overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the work that needs to be done.  It is hard not to feel bogged down by the almost-constant mess, even for those who are not naturally tidy.

I'll get over it.  I cannot wait to get over it.  I want to be a happy mama, not an unsmiling, short-tempered glum hag-of-a-bag-of-a-mama.

Perhaps a little spring and sunshine will help.  We have had ONE sunny day since I've been home.  Otherwise it has been snow (!!!), gray clouds, and rain.  Dreary, dreary, dreary.

In other (happier) news:
We started planting our garden this past weekend.  Potatoes, celery, and peas.  It is going to be a cold week with the lows in the mid-30's, so next weekend it will be radishes and lettuce. 

Last year at this time we had already eaten our first radish, which tells you how different this spring is from last.  Much, much colder.

With a dash of pinkeye

Add conjunctivitis to the list of maladies that has befallen us since we got home.  Truen.  He's at the tail-end of it (his ear infection too), but it has been a miserable few days. 

He is a beast when he isn't feeling well, a total beast.  Completely irrational and unreasonable.  He stretches me to the very end of my patience, leaving me totally sucked dry -- to the point of not even feeling sorry for him anymore.  It is terrible.

At least I was finally able to unpack yesterday.

Un-un-un-un

We're home!  Amazingly (or perhaps not) I missed both flights, there and back again.  The new rule is to arrive no later than 2 hours before the flight is scheduled for departure. 

No exceptions. 

I hate that, but I hate all the complications and angst that goes hand-in-hand with missing a flight way, way more.

And there is just something so funky about traveling with children.  Sickness seems to ensue more often than not.  And amazingly, we picked up 2-3 different things this time around.

Truen woke me up crying with an earache that very first night we were home.  An ear infection, his first at three years old.  He has an accompanying fever and hasn't wanted to eat much.  He tends to be very unpleasant when sick or hurt, so things have been pretty miserable around here. 

Diego?  Diarrhea.  His stomach has been bothering him on and off since last Sunday morning.  I haven't been able to pinpoint the cause, but it finally turned into full-out crampy diarrhea this morning.  Lovely.  He's laying on the couch with a hot salt pack on his belly right now.

The baby?  His second cold.  It is minor, thank goodness.  It is just as minuscule as his first cold at 6 weeks.  It hasn't interrupted his sleep at all, seems to be congested only at night, and is just as happy as usual.  I am so thankful for that.

So yes, I'm home.  But things aren't quite normal yet. 

We arrived home on Wednesday evening and I still have yet to unpack.

Over and out.

New favorites

We are still here with my parents in Western WA, though we are winding down towards the end of our three week visit.  I'm starting to get a little panicky, hoping that I haven't missed anyone and feeling the time-crunch of the End. 

That's why our visits are so long -- to enable a nice, leisurely visit vs. a frantic, frenzied week-long blitz.  I like it so much better that way, though we do miss Blaine.

The boys have been having a great time with Grandma and Grandpa.  "Fruit yogurt" from Grandma and lengthy games of Candy Land with Grandpa probably top the (very long) list.  My parents are having a nice time with the boys too, but have wondered "How on earth did we do it?!" in remembering of the energy-levels and constant direction that comes with little ones.

Here are a few of the boys' favorite things from this visit:

Spring!

Playing outside has been a big hit --

Diego still hasn't found a frog or a bird's nest,

but loves playing with the dog and has found many, many slugs.

Truen picks me dandelions almost every time he is outside.

 "Candy Island" with Grandpa --

Diego is particularly crazy about it.

One time he got the Candy Heart four times in one game.
Yowza.  That's a lot.

Truen usually plays a quarter or half-game 
before he gets bored and wanders off,
though he did last long enough to win yesterday.

Jamie's new trick:
Sucking on a strategically-placed clean diaper --
Very tasty with an intriguing mouth-feel.