Grieving

I've noticed that people tend to stop blogging during times of great distress or sadness, and so it is with me.

My brother-in-law died at the beginning of this month.  It wasn't unexpected, though still a complete shock to the system.  He was diagnosed with esophageal cancer last August and chose to do chemo; it has been a slow downward spiral since.  I haven't blogged about it at all because it has been too painful and private.  Too terrible.  Too unbelievably sad.

He was 44 years old, a devoted husband and father of five children ages 20-12.  While it is devastating for so many of us, it is amazingly hard to fathom the hole left in the hearts and home of his wife and children, or the pain of losing a child for Blaine's parents.  We are heartsick.

I was at my parents' house in WA during the time of his final decline.  It was incredible and very fortunate timing.  We didn't realize this at the beginning and felt upset at being separated, but how were we to know?  The trip had been planned months ahead of time.  And while he was struggling, we had no idea that death was so close.

But it was good, so very good.  In our absence, Blaine was completely unencumbered, both physically and emotionally, and able to be there with his brother in the final days.  It was an incredibly important and transformative experience, to be there with his parents and sister, our sister-in-law, nephews and nieces, loving their beloved into the transition of death and life beyond death.  It was so incredibly painful, but also so incredibly amazing.  The depth of emotion.  The devotion.  Love, raw and real.  The intensity of pain.

I spoke of this to Blaine's aunt at the funeral, of how simultaneously terrible and remarkable the experience was.  As I fumbled over the words with my heart so heavy with emotion and grief, she looked right into my eyes and said, "I know." 

So now we are pushed into the realm of understanding death as an amazing experience, an event that holds its own against the incredible joy of birth.  Accompanied with grief and desolation in place of the anticipation and elation, but singular and astounding nevertheless.  We just never knew.

Ultimately, we are left with the grief of losing him.  Now that we have moved back into the unrelenting duty of life, it is easy to pretend that he is still at work and home, like "normal".  The pain has dulled with each passing week, but stabs in waves with the remembrance that he isn't there, which is a leisure his wife and children don't experience for more than a few moments.

As my sister-in-law said, "Everything goes back to him."  And it hurts.  So much.

And he's got curly hair too

E-yi-ya at 9.5 months

Look who got crazy about pots and lids yesterday.  He spent a cumulative hour playing in the pots: transferring lids on and off, putting lids inside pots, clanging, thumping, moving things around.  He was quite focused.

Also new last night was an interest pulling bean bags in and out of a little purple storage crate.  He was fascinated by this for a good fifteen minutes.  In-and-out-and-in-and-out.  It was amazing.  He even entirely (or mostly) emptied the crate before refilling it.  Un-un-un-un.

Other interests include exploring the shower, slapping the side of the tub (and the bathwater if he can get at it), squeezing cats, climbing stairs, eating bits of fuzz off the floor, and leading the herd in "the crawling game".

So much for that

Just as I was hitting the button for a new post, the two little guys woke up from their nap simultaneously.  Both approximately an hour before expected and 20 minutes before the big guys would come down from quiet time.  Oh well.  Maybe tomorrow.

The sweetest

"Mama . . . I wish there were Mama Dandy-legs."

:: Jamie :: consoling me and feeling a little sad after some group-talk about daddy long-legs this morning.  He even threw in a couple of dramatic sniffs at the end. ♥

The beginning of this season's garden (already a month old)

 Celery seedlings

Onion seedlings

Our very own winter games

Last winter was the season of "Musical Footstools".  I had the three brudders run around three footstools at break-neck speed, then sit as fast as they could when the music stopped.  Whoever sat first would win.  Anyone who passed another would be out a turn (to protect the two year old in the mix).

I was pregnant and sat at the computer to turn the volume up or down, playing music from the special Musical Footstools playlist.  It was a great way to burn off winter energy. This year we haven't played it at all, which surprises me.  The few times I've suggested it have left me high and dry.

This winter has been the winter of Hide and Seek.  We played it quite a bit earlier in the season, usually on teams.  Jamie, the baby and I would hide while Diego and Truen sought.  To prevent peaking and allow for last-minute scrambles, we would alternate hiding upstairs and down, with the seekers always counting downstairs if we were upstairs and vice versa.

Jamie could hardly stand hiding longer than a few seconds and would start squeaking and saying "hoo-hoo!" the second they came looking for us, so I tried to help him find his spot first so he couldn't rat me out immediately.  Diego and Truen always found him right off the bat, then Jamie would join the seekers.

I also hide the baby in clever spots, which all the brudders loved.  I would lay Eliah down in odd spots or tucked away in corners; he would lay there kicking and looking around while his brudders came looking.

I thought about all that this afternoon, when Diego asked if we could play Hide and Seek.  I realized . . . holy smokes . . . we wouldn't even be able to play it like that anymore.  Baby Eliah would just crawl off and endanger himself the second I sat him down.  Things change so fast this baby year.

They loved finding him in his "hiding spot" and would lavish all kinds of baby talk on him and laugh about how cute he was, then Diego would pick him and up come looking for me.  I have such fond memories of it all.

More recently the game is usually "kitty".  Today Jamie was "Extra Extra Ice Cat" and hissed at anyone who talked to him.  Truen was "Snuggly" and pawed at my hair playfully.  Diego played himself as a dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks cat named  "Hungry" who tried to eat my hair like it was grass.  Eliah was my baby kitty.

The boys have also been spending 1-2 afternoons each week outside playing with our neighbor boys.  The wind has blown amazing drifts in the native grass that we planted to the south of our driveway and they've been having so much fun running and rolling up and down them.  A nice break for mama too.

Streaming

Long time, no post.  I defer.

• It has been a cold, cold winter.  A very "warm" day gets up to 15 degrees F.  Most of the time it hovers in the range of -5 to 5 degrees.  The coldest night hit a -23 air temp (with something like a -50 degree wind chill).  We had frost on the inside of our windows the next morning and the back door was frozen shut.

 This is what we woke up to this morning --

An ice storm had coated all the south-facing windows.

• I continue to marvel at the way our house is situated: with large, southern-facing windows we are warmed by the sun during the day-time hours and feel down-right snug.  During the summer months the house is shaded by the large basswood in our front yard, which keeps things cool and is so delightful.  But this time of year . . . we are free to receive all the heat the winter sun has to offer.  I am so thankful.
• Another wonderful thing about our house in the winter months is the root cellar.  Duh, right?  But in addition to all our stored goods from last summer's garden, it doubles as a winter refrigerator.  I regularly store 2-3 pots of soups or grains or beans on the gravel floor next to the window, which frees up some major space in the refrigerator.  So, so thankful.

 Funny brudders

• Truen finally looks like a big big brudder, doesn't he?  I've been mourning his little three and four year old selves in recent months.  It must happen when they hit six, because I remember experiencing the same thing with Diego.  Six year olds are just so much bigger, long and lanky.  Those round little faces and bellies are a thing of the past.  I get a little sad about it.
• Truby-ruby has been on a mega growth spurt recently.  He's been amping up on his food intake during meals, eating his entire plate and then asking for more, and has increased the snack demands significantly.
• With all that, Truen and Jamie are still within 5 pounds of each other.  Heh.  Truen weighs 42 lbs and Jamie is at 38 lbs.  Diego weighs EIGHTY POUNDS.  No wonder why Truen and Jamie are always getting hurt.
• Baby Eliah weighs 20 lbs.  The cutie.  He is also 8.5 months old and has SIX teeth.  I was just putting pictures into Jamie's "special notebook" this weekend and noted that I had recorded that he only had five teeth at a year old.  And no top teeth at 8-ish months old.  I knew something was a leeeetle different with this guy.  E-yi-ya.  Slow down, little sucker.
• E-yi-ya has joined the ranks of his brudders and has become an official pest.  He is getting into ev.ery.thing.  Crawling, climbing, pulling himself up on things, walking along the furniture.  He's all over the place and always wants to be where he can't be.  Propping himself up on the space heater, for example.  Or getting into the cupboard and wreaking havoc on the Wii controllers.  He is also just wild about trying to squeeze through spaces where his head just won't fit and will cry frantically as he attempts to head-butt through.
• E-yi-ya.  What a guy.  He melts this mama's heart like butta'.
• Another thing: he's really, really into is fuzz.  We apparently have a lot of fuzz in this house (mostly coming from the diapers as a I lay them flat to hang-dry), because I find wads of fuzz in his mouth multiple times a day.  And he's just so happy chomping on it.  The insides of his cheeks are so smooth and plump.

 The ladies

• You know how things go quiet and then you know you're in for trouble?  Yes, well: it doesn't end after the toddler years.  With my guys, they usually end up tearing around the house butt-naked and hollering and laughing and colliding with each other.
• The week before last Diego and Jamie came racing out of the bedroom dressed as "ladies" after ransacking my closet.  Diego even went and found some lipstick, smeared it on like a clown, then asked me to put his hair in pig-tails.  They paraded and pranced all around, body-slamming each other and wrestling as they went.  Very lady-like.  Eventually Truen joined the game and concocted a very hilarious Bedouin look, complete with scarf and veil.
• These guys.  As I was putting pictures into their "special notebooks" this weekend, it was hard to imagine a future where they would not be together every single day.  They are just such good buddies.
• I also realized that the good times far outweigh the bad.  With the little guys.  In spite of the burn.  It sometimes hard to remember while in the thick of things, feeling the strain of trying to keep life together . . . but honestly.  These are very sweet years.  I have to remember that.  
• Why is it so easy to forget??  Pictures, blog posts, special notebooks, calendars, journal entries, picture emails, Christmas letters . . . all these things help me step back and see the big picture.  To remember that the happiness far outweighs the sting.  It is so helpful do get at these things regularly.

 Jamie's toast "gingerbread boy"

• We've been down and out with a nasty stomach bug since last Wednesday night.  Jamie got it first, barfing in the pack-n-play with the baby.  He had been acting totally normal, then the puke came like a faucet being turned on.  He spent the next two days on the couch, totally subdued, feverish and sleeping most of the day.  He couldn't even keep down juice.
• Diego and Truen both woke up barfing in the night in the early AM hours on Saturday.  They haven't had it quite so bad, though they spent the weekend on the couch and took small naps throughout the day.  Diego had it worse than Truen.  Both boys ate small amounts of yogurt, apple sauce, bland oatmeal, and/or cinnamon honey-toast on the second day.
• Symptoms include vomiting, fever, fatigue, dark circles under eyes, a pale face, bloodshot eyes, and strangely enough, itchy skin.  Jamie has also had funky poop, a whitish-yellow and foamy.
• Diego and Truen are on the mend.  I would imagine they will be moving around tomorrow.  Jamie is moving around, but is still complaining of a tummy-ache, is eating very little, and still has the funky poop.
• The baby and I are yet unscathed (and hoping to keep it that way!).  Blaine too, though his stomach feels funny today.  He hasn't puked though.  We are both amazed that Eliah hasn't gotten it, as he is "all over the place and into everything".  And anything he picks up is immediately shoved into his mouth.
• Jamie has definitely lost weight and still looks a little pale.  The gingerbread-boy-made-of-toast picture was taken yesterday.  I think he looks a bit pale and drawn.
• Speaking of . . . all my fellas have been big fans of the gingerbread boy story.  At some point I realized that I didn't have to actually make gingerbread to get a gingerbread boy . . . all I had to do was cut him out of toast.  It is perfect, because they have all been absolutely thrilled by it and I don't have to stress myself trying to go over-the-top and actually bake something.
• Also: an interesting observation during this stomach bug.  It has felt like a break to me.  I know.  What on earth!?  I've missed a lot of sleep and have been tending sick kids since last Thursday (Blaine did a ton this weekend too).  But it has been so quiet.  There hasn't been any fighting or antagonizing and everyone is so calm.  And everyone took long naps this weekend, which allowed me 4-5 solid hours of working on my own projects.  Awesome.

 Seasonal display with schoolwork

• I bought these ancient Egyptian themed pictures frames at my MIL's thrift store for $.25 apiece.  They must have put them on super-bargain pricing with the thought that no one in their right mind would ever buy them.  But I did! and I gave myself a high-five when I found them.  They fit into our studies so perfectly.
• During the week of studying the middle kingdom of Egypt, I had the boys draw whatever they wanted for the frames.  Diego's is on the left: he drew Anubis, the jackal-headed god of embalming.  "I drew Anubis, Mama, " he said.  I was amazed, because while I recognized Anubis, I certainly couldn't remember his name.  Truen's work is on the right: he drew his name in hieroglyphs.  So cute.
• We are still on track with schoolwork.  We are working our way through The Story of the World: Ancient Times, coupled with my extremely modified Ambleside Online schedule for the second year.  Currently we are reading through The Burgess Animal Book for Children (natural science), Wind in the Willows (literature), Tree in the Trail (geography), Best Loved Songs and Ballads by James Whitcombe Riley (poetry), and Famous Children: Tchaikovsky (supplement to composer study).
• Other various activities include our daily routine with the morning board, counting and sorting coins, Picture Study with the works of "Vin Van Gogh" (as Truen calls him), intermittent copywork, now-and-then kitchen cooking projects, the incorporation of cat litters into daily chores, and inspired drawing or building projects.

 I love that little hand poking out

• I had a whole list of reflective thoughts I have been storing up to post, but wouldn't you know it . . . I can't remember a single one of them.  I evidently need to get at them as the inspiration strikes instead of waiting.  They were there . . . but now they're gone.

Penned

 This little sucker has five teeth and is getting into ev.ery.thing.

 So I pulled out the old trusty playpen last night.

And oh my goodness, but they loved it.

It was like a wiggle factory in there: both fellas.

(: Though E-yi-ya paused for a photo shoot :)

Flubbery

I weighed myself today and realized that I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight.  For the most part.  I'm not totally sure what I weighed beforehand.

So I'm down to 148, which is all well and good, but I want to know: What is this flub-a-dub still doing on my middle??

It always goes back to that

Blaine (to me): "Act your age, not your shoe size. Remember that...?"

Jamie (to all of us): "Remember this?? Poop! Poop! Poop!"

Early mornings with E-yi-ya

Baby Eliah wakes me up bright and early every morning.  On rare days I get to sleep until 7:00-ish, but more commonly we are up at 6:00-ish AM.  Looking back at all the brudders' baby calendars, I see that early mornings were common with at this age with all of them without much exception (though I only really remember it with Jamie).

It whittles any solitude and/or down-time down to an hour (on the good days).  Ramifications include the lack of any real contemplative thought, a serious down-sizing on planning time, no quiet mornings, etc.  But the sweetness.  Oh, the sweetness.  I realize this time is fleeting and by and large, have been able to accept it with grace and affection.

 The folded cloud sheet is to block the books from the afternoon sun

Most mornings are just like this (though more frequently by lamp-light).  We sit with a basket of baby toys or blocks and he plays while I stare and hand him toys or stack blocks.  In more recent weeks, he likes to climb up on me and practice kneeling or standing up with all kinds of baby burblings and drool.

A few different times he has gotten up earlier than he should and has snoozed, snuggled in my arms, before anyone else even wakes up.  These early morning naps are precious to me.  Precious.

The udder brudders generally wake up anywhere from 7:30 AM - 8:30 AM.  When Jamie is the last to rise we read our school books in the morning peace.  Sometimes I have Diego sit with the baby while I take a shower (he's been the first one up in recent months - it is usually Truen).

I love the peace-filled acceptance of these early mornings.  It helps me to remember to savor the time.

Slugs and snails and puppy dog tails

I've been trying to remember to have Diego shower every couple of days.  He stinks.  Seriously: an eight year old with heinous B.O.?  I am so sad.  (Though I do remember one of my brothers being especially stinky around that age.  EDO.)

In the summer, the fellas just take a shower with Blaine at the end of the day.  But in the winter, it is up to me to remember to ensure that they get semi-regular washings.  Otherwise the smells start getting a little "off", even in the udder brudders.

So this morning, I had Diego take his shower after me.  He asked me to get the goggles for him so he could lay down and pretend he was being rained on in the amazon.  I love that.

We are working from the ground up as he learns how to check the water before he gets in, make sure it is the correct temp, how to adjust the water flow, that kind of thing.  And I still need to double-check with him to ensure that all areas get a good scrub.

I'm also trying to instill the habit of getting dirty clothes in the hamper before the shower, but I forgot about it this morning.  Oh well, I thought, I'll follow up afterward.  When I checked the floor and didn't see anything, I was so pleased that he had taken the initiative to put them away himself (he's really good about hanging up his towel).

So I went into the living room and said, "Diego, thanks so much for picking up your dirty clothes without me having to ask.  That is really great!  I really appreciate it."  Right as I said it, he looked up with a sheepish grin as I saw that he had put the same dirty clothes right back on.

So we really do have to direct and redirect every. single. life skill.  Note to self.

The Big Brother Effect

See the glee? They were totally bugging him in this picture.

"That dummy Trwuen is dwiving me cwazy!"

Jamie told me this in a play voice this morning, just joking, and continued to tell me that Truen had destroyed his "thwift" store.  I was focusing on getting breakfast made so I'm still not quite sure what he was talking about but it definitely made me laugh, then gave me pause for reflection.

Because really . . . neither Diego nor Truen would have ever talked like that at three years old.  (I would have been appalled!)  They wouldn't have had any frame of reference for that kind of language.  But three year old Jamie?  With two big brudders?  Oh my.

His target is usually Truen and I've heard him call him "dork" multiple times in recent days.  But today?  Dummy.  Oh dear.  This is definitely the year we've started the "You are an example to your younger brudder(s)" talks.  We have been on patrol and there has been plenty of reprimands and redirection, but man . . . it still leaks through somehow.  Eegads.

I will comfort myself with knowing this is normal (I could hear my mom laughing as I composed this post in my mind while finishing breakfast), aside from the fact that he sounded so darn cute and funny while saying it, of course.  I will also choose to remember this afternoon, when he came into the kitchen and exclaimed, "Trwuen! Your bawling game is totally awesome!"

Danie Blizzard indeed.

2013 Booklist: Completed

• Heidi - Johanna Spyri (audio)
• Ladled: Nourishing Soups for All Seasons - Kimberly Harris
• Minimalist Parenting: Enjoy Modern Family Life More by Doing Less - Kristine Koh, Asha Dornfest
• Healing Spices: How to Use 50 Everyday and Exotic Spices to Boost Health and Beat Disease - Bharat B. Aggarwal, Debora Yost
• Future Men - Douglas Wilson
• Stay Home, Stay Happy: 10 Secrets to Loving At-Home Motherhood: Rachel Campos-Duffy
• Slow Family Living - Bernadette Noll
• Little Lord Fauntleroy - Francis Hodgson Burnett (audio)
• Good Poems - Selected by Garrison Keillor (audio)
• Skellig - David Almond (audio)
• The Golden Compass - Phillip Pullman (audio)
• The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (audio)
• The Cancer-Fighting Kitchen: Nourishing, Big-Flavor Recipes for Cancer Treatment and Recovery - Rebecca Katz
• A Christmas Blizzard - Garrison Keillor (audio)
• Your 8 Year Old - Louise Bates Ames
• Not Your Mother's Make-ahead and Freeze Cookbook - Jessica Fisher
• Storey's Guide to Raising Poultry - Glenn Drowns
• Storey's Guide to Raising Ducks - Dave Holderread
• The Help - Katherine Stockett (audio)
• Cold Mountain - Charles Frazier (audio)
• The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (audio)
• 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - Jules Verne (audio)
• Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon a Project, Read Samuel Johnson, and My Other Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life - Gretchen Rubin
• Room with a View - E.M. Forster (audio)
• Anne of Avonlea - L.M. Montegomery (audio)
• Hatchet - Gary Paulsen (audio)
• Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense - David Guterson
• The Unschooling Handbook : How to Use the Whole World As Your Child's Classroom - Mary Griffith
• Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (audio)
• The Cricket in Times Square - George Selden (Read Aloud)
• Anne of Green Gables - L.M. Montegomery (audio)
• The Wilder Life: My Adventures in the Lost World of Little House on the Prairie - Wendy McClure
• Lengendary Learning: The Famous Homeschoolers' Guide to Self-Directed Excellence - Jamie McMillin
• The Horse and His Boy - C.S. Lewis (audio)
• Your Five Year Old: Sunny and Serene - Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. Ilg
• Your Two Year Old: Terrible or Tender - Louise Bates Ames, Frances Ilg Your Seven Year Old: Life in a Minor Key - Louise Bates Ames, Frances Ilg

Self Portrait as Mother

When I looked at this candid shot, the seventeenth in line during our second attempt at a family picture, clinging to dear hope that we might just be able to get something, anything, nice enough to send with our Christmas card, it struck me: Self Portrait. Mother of Four.

So many boys.  Surrounded by action.  Slinging a baby.  Body aligned with the trunk of a tree, arms outstretched and mirroring its many limbs, showing me to myself, seeing the multitude of "what I do", weighty and important, often mundane, but always there, needing to be done.

But of course, it wasn't that at all.  Self portraits?  Who has time for that?  The camera was on a tripod after taking sixteen pictures together in the freezing cold, as our previous attempt had flopped hard (with someone looking doofy in every. last. picture).  Seventeen pictures and oh, the irony . . . we ended up deciding on the very first shot.  And actually, I should define things even further: I decided on it, as Blaine was ready to go with whatever ring-a-ling-a-ding-dong picture we had.  I am the family archivist, not him.

So what it really was is this: in the 10 seconds after hitting the auto-timer, I knew we had all had it and stood in front, giggling, as some kind of shield, while Blaine started walking toward his skis and the boys dashed after him.  No "deep thoughts" or purposeful intent whatsoever.

Nevertheless, it gave me pause for a few moments for self-reflection.  And perhaps that is what candids are best at: showing us to ourselves.

A very miscellaneous list post

I defer to ye olde list-post yet again....

• We bought Jamie cross-country skis when we were in the Twin Cities over Thanksgiving.  They are the cutest little things and he was so very excited about them.  "My skis!" he kept saying, over and over again.  It was a main topic of conversation for him both before and after the trip.
• It snowed last week, so all my fellas were able to hit the snow together this past weekend.  Blaine said that Jamie was a complete natural, much better than his brudders were last year their first time out.  He was strong and had a good sense of things.

• They went up our driveway and all along the trails that Blaine made in the grove last summer.  A long way for such a little guy.  He'll be three in a few weeks.
• I wasn't able to go out, as it was 5 degrees F and too cold for the baby.  Though I needed to be inside anyway . . . Baby Eliah needed to nap and I had a disaster in the kitchen waiting to be subdued.  
• Oh well.  Next time.  It actually felt good to be able to work in the quiet.  And honestly . . . it just isn't fun to spend "leisure" time doing what I want to do when there is such a load of work waiting for me.  Sometimes it is better to just work; it becomes "what I want to do" because that evening or the next day or coming week will be easier because of it.
• I must be maturing.
• Life right now feels like it is always on the brink of breakdown.  I feel very tender and susceptible to panic and the "Now what??" syndrome.  I'm sick of kids breaking things.  I'm tired of breaking up fights.  I exhausted from trying to keep this place together.  The noise level is driving me bonks.  
• Furthermore, I'm very tired of always, always having to be on top of things.  If I let anything, and I mean anything, slide, there is hell to pay.  Kids bounce off the walls and an entire room is torn apart.  Kids bounce off the walls and one or two come screaming to me with yet another injury.  That kind of thing.  There is no rest.
• All that being said, I have to stand back and look at everything and realize that things are fine.  Just fine.  I am stretched thin and the feelings of stress are very near the surface, but it just "is".  I am working at keeping things as sane as possible.
• Quiet Time is a MUST.  It only works some (maybe most?) of the time, but that hour is vital.  I need a break from the demands.
• I have also finally normalized daily pick-up.  I've been working at this for quite some time, but it has finally clicked within the last few weeks.  I'm not sure why.  
• I have the fellas pick up the entire downstairs twice a day: before lunch and before Blaine comes home for the night.  What a difference it is making!  Oh my goodness, what a difference.  This place is less of a pit.  And my stress levels are down because of it.
• We have also banished two-thirds of our toy mess to boxes upstairs.  It is unfortunately not in any order like I would have liked, but beggars can't be choosers.  Blaine boxed up the first round and the boys bagged (then Blaine boxed) up the second round in a fit of inspiration.
• The play table and toy boxes underneath it have been severely neglected for the past 7 months.  I've realized how much of a handle I actually had on it (though I always felt like it was spiraling in chaos before this whole fiasco).  
• I kept order to the table by insisting the boys store toys in the boxes below, then hitting it hard every few months . . . sorting out the trash and recycling (I know, I know), snack cups, stray socks and underwear, you name it, and organizing the toys by like kind.  
• But I haven't had the ability to do that since before the babe was born.  And my, but did it show.  The play table turned into a literal DUMPSTER with toys piled up so high that nobody knew what-was-where or could even play with the toys or the use the table itself.  It was sick.
• Things are much better now.  Eventually I'll sort through the bagged stuff upstairs and reabsorb it into the main play area, but for now . . . I'm enjoying the sweet bliss of a clear play table.  It is much easier to get a handle on the mess without a mountain-heap of trash (ahem, toys) weighing everyone down.

 

But don't think about that . . . think about this

•  Baby Eliah is SIX MONTHS OLD.  Actually, I think he's six and a half months old.  Ay.  Time.  It doesn't quit.
• He's the sweetest little guy.  Everyone is just wild about him.  He has an entire family of adoring fans.  We all love making him laugh and there are regular conversations between him and any one of us, ggggw'ing and ah-goooing.  He lights up and wiggles with any kind of interaction.  It's the cutest.
• Diego regularly mourns, "I wish he could be a baby forever!"  He says he's going to miss him when he's not a baby anymore.  I know how he feels (my tender mama's heart).
• Though . . . how is this for some perspective . . . while bemoaning the fact that Truen was turning six this past October, and saying, "My baby is six!", my dad responded, "I know!  My baby is thirty-six."

 

The boys with their Great-Grands

• How is THAT for some perspective?  Blaine's grandparents are now 98 and 91, living at home, taking care of themselves, making their weekly trip to McDonalds, and his grandpa still hauls, splits, stacks, and burns firewood for their wood furnace.  Wow.  I have so much affection and admiration for these two.
• Switching gears . . . . to homeschooling.
• It is going great.  I finally feel like we've normalized our schedule.  I'm in the swing of things.
• I make sure to do the morning board before we eat in the morning, or it is like trying to lasso wild bison gone bezerk to get it done after breakfast.  They hit the ground running and play hard.
• I do a little bit of our reading or table work in the mornings after they've played a bit, then in the afternoons (after Quiet Time), we read more and do math or reading activities.  I'm so pleased with how it has turned out.
• Though I will say . . . the next thing I need to work on is balancing housework with schoolwork.  Picking up twice a day helps.  But I still need to gain my footing in weekly chores like vacuuming, folding laundry, and cleaning the bathroom.  I have them help with all of these to some extent, but in between free play, schoolwork, kitchen prep and clean-up, etc., it seems like there isn't much time left.
• We are really enjoying our reading material.  The boys seem to enjoy The Burgess Animal Book (science), Tree in the Trail (geography), The Story of the World (history), and Bible stories the most.  
• Though now that I think about it, I've noticed they've really enjoyed the Shakespeare stories we've read as well (we're working on Romeo and Juliet right now).
• Another book we're reading, called Understood Betsy, has been less enjoyed by all.  We are getting towards the middle-end and they are finally interested enough to ask to read more, but it was quite unpleasant at the beginning.  I find reading it aloud tedious.  It was written as if someone were explaining the story to you and over-explaining it at that.  I've appreciated the story, but feel bogged down and displeased by the writing.
• Diego has started learning to read (and I was right . . . he took to it lickety-split) and Truen is starting to work on letter recognition, letter sounds, number recognition and counting.  It has been fun to see their progress in each area.
• Blaine started working with Diego on reading after I thrifted a copy of Margaret Hillert's The Yellow Boat last month.  Diego literally started reading it right off the bat, not unlike my earlier description of "hitting the ground running".  There was no confusion, it just happened.  We're still going slow, but he's conquered The Yellow Boat and we've moved on to The Magic Beans.  I remember to work on it a few times a week and I would imagine he'll be reading totally on his own in due time.  Yay!

 Jamie painting exuberantly

 Truby-ruby counting out buttons

 The biggest and littlest brudders snuggling

Just look at these fellas.  I can hardly believe I've got four of 'em.  I can hardly believe I've had an entire two hours to sort through pictures and post on my blog.  So it DOES happen . . . I need to remember that the other 90% of the time.  The youngest two have been sleeping this entire time and the older two are playing the Leapster in the sunroom, giving me an extended and blissful Quiet Time.  Awesome.  I feel so relieved.

I think I'm posting every couple weeks now, so . . . see yeh in a few.

Poor Spidey

Post title: Justice League
Picture caption: They ran out of money right before they got to Spiderman.

Counting with Jamie

This morning, Jamie and I counted four squirrels and three birds in one of our favorite books, Raindrop Plop!.  He was so enthusiastic and so wrong, it warmed this mama's heart.  It was like a little ray of light in my brain, leaving me smiling.

:: Mama: Let's count the squirrels.  One . . . two . . . three . . . four.

::: Jamie (with me): One . . . two . . . five . . . five!

:: Mama: Okay, now the birds.  One . . . two . . . three.

::: Jamie (together again): One . . . two . . .  five!!

He's been running with the big boys for so long that I sometimes forget how little he is.

Root Cellar: 2013

So pretty!  This year's hard work --

Top shelf: Blaine's wines

2nd shelf: jams, lemon curd, BBQ sauce, apple butters, tomato sauce

3rd shelf: tomatillo salsa, pickled green tomatoes, lemon cuke pickles, salsa, apple sauce

Bottom shelf: pickled onions, sour pickles, kimchi, sauerkraut
Some of the shelves are already getting picked over.  Can you tell?

Behind the shelf --

Celery in sand, cabbages in bins.

Bottom shelf: sauerkraut, sour pickles, pickled onions.

And evidence that the root cellar doubles 
as a refrigerator in winter month with a big pot of soup.

I somehow managed to out-do myself this year with a 4 month old and three older brudders.  Un-un-un-un.  Accumulated experience certainly plays a role in this; however, my mind is still blown.  And of course, without the dedication of my husband taking care of the fellas, it just wouldn't happen.

As a sidenote: these pictures don't include the root cellared potatoes, carrots, tomatillos, or the remnants of the collards and kale waiting to be blanched and frozen.  Boxes and bags just aren't as pretty.

Root Cellar: 2012, 2011, 2009

Food preservation notes

Streaming

It's time for a list post to get all caught up......

• Blaine was home from work three days this week, giving us five days at home.  It was such sweet relief for both of us.  He's been working OT for maybe a month now?  We are both burnt to a crisp from a lack of down-time.  It felt so good to be together.
• We can now put swollen lymph nodes and a second degree burn under our parenting belt.  Both Jamie, within a week of each other.
• The lymph nodes: right under the left side of his chin and creeping up his cheek.  Red, tender, inflamed and hot to the touch.  The only other sign of sickness was intermittent green goo from his nose and swollen tonsils.  Other than that, the boy was raring to go.  We weren't even sure if he was sick for awhile at the beginning (Truen waking up with a sore throat confirmed that it had to be something).
• The burn: on the back of his right hand and pointer finger, burnt on a hot stove pipe.  The poor little fella.  We immediately ran his hand until cold water and then applied lavender oil, which took the heat and sting out.  He's been mostly fine ever since.  Since it is at an odd angle, I've fashioned a bandage with non-stick pads and duct tape.  He had two big blisters which have since broken.  Things are tender, but we are amazed at how fast it is healing.
• I am mid-process in healing another cavity.  Strange, but true.
• It was a deep crevasse in my lower-left back molar; the deep part down below was black.  When I first noticed it, it was just a crack but then it got progressively darker and sensitive while eating until I eventually realized it was a cavity.  (It sounds so dumb, but it is the second cavity I've ever had so it took me awhile to catch on.)
• When I healed my first cavity (a brown, tender smudge on an inside molar), I followed Ramiel Nagel's advice: limit sugars, limit carbs, increase good fats, cod liver oil and butter oil (otherwise known as grassfed ghee), grassfed or wild meat, etc.
• This time 'round, I am generally eating like that anyway, so all I did was double my calcium supplement and more than double my cod liver oil intake (I also intermittently remember to use magnesium oil and just got some grassfed ghee to start taking butter oil again).  
•  I know I don't usually take enough cod liver oil (I base my recommendations off the WAPF guidelines) and I have been pregnant or nursing now for the last NINE YEARS.  Holy smokes.  That is a whole lotta output.  My teeth are showing the signs.  I've been taking, seriously, probably a couple of tablespoons per day.
• I don't know if teeth can regenerate, or what . . . but I am so serious . . . the crack is closing.  The black has lightened until is barely even noticeable and the crevasse in the tooth . . . is almost gone.  Un-un-un-un.  I feel so relieved.

 

Four brudders

• I realized last week that I don't have a pumpkin picture for you this year.  We didn't even carve anything!  Oh dear.  Our own pumpkins were a bust this year and we weren't able to go to the pumpkin fest at Blaine's parents' church (they did it on the last weekend of September this year and Sept. is out for us due to food preservation).
• The picture above was taken at Falls Park in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.  We make the trek down there once a year to pick up our beef quarter (or twice a year, if we fly out of FSD) and I swear, we are like tourists.
• Last year we did the Sculpture Walk downtown and this year we went to see "the falls".  The boys beg for me to take pictures wherever we go.  It's kind of embarrassing, but I oblige them with a tender heart.
• I was out in the garden yesterday, picking the last of our collards, kale, parsley, and celeriac.  We had a night down to 4 degrees F and all these hardy specimens were still alive and edible.  Amazing.
• Jamie, Eliah and Blaine were napping while I was outside, but Diego and Truen came out with me (I made them, heh) and I noticed that they hovered and bounced around me wherever I was.  The sweetness, it hurts.  They literally want to be with us at all times.  I hope I am good enough for them.

 Halloween this year:

Diego was a frog, Jamie a bumble bee, Truen a lizard

 And the cutest little baby schicken ever.

• I'm really feeling the burn of four children and the intensity of the baby year.  I'm trying to remember that time is fleeting and to savor the days, but it is very difficult at times.  And that is putting it lightly.  I realized this morning that I feel like calling uncle.  UNCLE!!  This is hard.
• The biggest reason is the lack of down-time.  We all go to bed together, so that is out.  Nap and Quiet Times usually correspond, but a good number of the days my meager hour is diminished to 20-30 minutes, usually due to one kid or another waking up and needing me.  I also usually like to get up earlier than the boys to assure a quiet morning, but at the beginning I needed to sleep in with the baby to ensure adequate rest.  And now....?
• .......Eliah is waking up anywhere from 5:45 AM - 6:45 AM.  In other words, TOO EARLY.  Holy smokes.  He's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed too, totally happy and bursting with energy, ready to bounce out of bed for the day.  So lounging around and nursing for, say, an hour or so while I doze is out of the question.
• UNCLE.....!
• I'm working on cultivating happiness and gratitude though.  I've just accepted my "quiet mornings" with Eliah.  I know I will look back at them with a certain fondness.
• I am also working at maintaining a happy home.  I don't want my own selfishness to color my children's memories of home.  Stress or discontent or irritation.  They all exist, but I want the outcroppings of those feelings minimized so as not to allow them a foothold in our lives.
• Say it and think it and live it.  That's the way it happens.  It is a constant process of working and re-working.

QT is over, so I'm done for the day.  Word from the mutha.