Tea party

But how/why/when/where did Darth Vader die? And why couldn't he live with his robot suit? How did he get burnt? Why? What about Obi-wan Kenobi?

This afternoon during lunch, I had an extremely lengthy, extensive conversation about Darth Vader with my four year old. Endless questions, endless answering.

Good thing I know my stuff.

Sad junkfood for the brain

I want to post, but have nothing to say --
I've stayed up waaaay too late,
Looking at this. Ay.

Streaming

• Our garden is beautiful - we are eating very well, with frequent 2-3-4 combinations of vegetables at each meal. Beets top of the charts, nummm. Red Swan beans with butter, salt, and parm cheese come next (but that just started last night).
• Being a mother highlights faults and shortcomings like no other job I've ever had. Being a wife is probably second, but I don't think it even touches motherhood.
• Tea parties are all the rage at our house again these days. Diego set up the little kiddie-table in the kitchen today, right below the low-lying window; the view was delightful and we dined on buttered ginger muffins, chicken bits, walnuts, banana chips, and alfalfa-mint tea.
• Diego's naps are becoming shorter and frequently he does not fall asleep during snuggle time. He recently even started saying, "I don't know how to fall asleep!" It may be just a phase, as he is sleeping in quite late to make up for the lost time. Quiet Time has begun. He settles into an upstairs bedroom with books and his beloved pac(fier) and comes down when 1) the music goes off, or 2) the buzzer beeps.
• I am purposefully gearing my life into a slower pace. This includes staying home a lot and focusing more on the daily routine. I am incorporating regimented tasks into my daily and weekly life, like "After Meal Clean-up", where Diego helps by clearing the table, wiping up, and tucking in the chairs; "Quiet Time"; and routinizing things like sweeping, cleaning the bathroom, and vacuuming. My living space is out of control and I need some assistance (structure) to help me manhandle it into submission. I hope to make it simply "what I do" in time.
• So why is it...whenever I get a chunk of free-time, my motivation and To Do list totally dissolves and all I want to do it lay around and read?
• I've started brushing my teeth with tooth powder (Eco-dent is the brand) vs. paste. I really like it and will never go back. The boys are even starting to take to it...yessss.
• I will be at my parents house in Western WA for several weeks at the end of July/beginning of August. My brother Andrew is getting married and my sister has her senior show for the art school she attends. I can't wait to melt into being a daughter again. That feels so good. Squeeze will be coming for a long weekend as well - I am so glad that he'll be there with us, as he wasn't able to attend my other brother's wedding last summer. He'll miss the senior show, though...bummer.
• Blahblahblahblahblah blahblahblah
• My SIL was told "If I were Bond, you'd be my woman" at the post office the other day.
• I've been dreaming about Nepali/Indian food recently - I want curried potatoes & cauliflower and poori like you couldn't believe. I am also nursing a serious obsession with Brazil nuts.
• Both boys love Brazil nuts too, as does Squeeze. They are going real quick, like lightning, in this house.
• I must read.

Where have I been the last two weeks....?

Visiting and being visited, with a wedding tossed in --

Lots of laughs and good conversation

The guys

Heart to heart with Uncle Ry

Diego passed out in the pew
BLS yukking it up with Luuuuuuuie

Totally. zonked.
between the ceremony and reception
zzzzzzzzz

This man was an angel
He seemed to enjoy the boys (and they loved him)
I think he liked their toys, too

Ta Bunz!
His Little Buns!
and Baby T

RC and his lovely brown eyed lady

Diego and the Ladies

Luuuuuuuuke and KT

Working hard for a gourmet brekkers

Playin' hard with the Billinator's (like pollinator)
C-3PO Collectors' Case

Relaxing in the backyard with Darth Veda
(the dog)

July birthdays

(Truen was looking at baby turtles...)

Fireworks with the Cousins

Can you spot the cousin who was plugging his ears?

The Fearsome Foursome

Diego, Truen, Jackson, and Claire

Oh, baby

What a sight: mid-July garden

Pa rulz

I started reading Little House in the Big Woods to Diego last week. He is mesmorized while I am reading it, eagerly waiting (of course) for the pages with illustrations on them. [I try to hold those pages open while I'm reading non-picture passages.]

The "Little House" books were one of my favorite series as a child, as I am sure they are special for many. I re-re-re-read through them the summer before I went to college, knowing it might be awhile before I could re-re-re-re-read them again. And I re-re-re-re-re-read them after I was married, too. My perspective changes with each re-reading. I am noticing that this time around, too (fancy that).

Diego is enjoying Little House in the Big Woods, just as I hoped he would. We are already re-reading favorite passages, like the story of Laura's Grandpa being chased by the black panther through the Big Woods.

The first evening while snuggling in bed, I asked him, "What do you remember about LHitBW?" and I think he's got a bit of Pa Obsession going on.

Here's what he remembered:

1. When Pa butchered the pig; Laura and Mary played with the blown-up pig's bladder like a balloon.
2. When Pa shot the bear holding the pig.
3. When Pa hung the two deers he shot high in the tree, so the wolves wouldn't get them.
4. Pa, building the hickory-smoker in the hollowed out tree. It had a roof!
5. Pa, playing "Mad Dog" with Laura and Mary and scaring them half-to-death.

Can you? Hear it?

Totally tubular. Seriously.

Both the boys and I have been loving this book: Can You Hear It? by Dr. William Lach

Food Renegade

This girl tells it straight and strong: I love it. She and I are on the same path, and so much of what she says speaks to me. Preach!

I think I might be obsessed.

It's hard to undo three decades of damage

Fat is where it's at: For decades, fat has been blamed for everything from heart disease to obesity to cancer. But new research shows that fat can be good for you.

As the obesity epidemic was later to arrive in Europe, the pro-fat backlash isn’t yet in full swing there, but signs are emerging. A recent study in the NEJM fingering total calories, not fats or carbs, as responsible for weight loss, made headlines on both sides of the Atlantic. And anecdotes abound. British celebrity chef Anthony Worrall Thompson has been blatant about using lard in his restaurants. In Norway, sausage consumption is up.

Even mainstream nutritional experts have recanted. The blanket message that "fat is bad for you" has few remaining adherents. The AHA, the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute and the American Council on Science and Health have all modified the message, from their original admission that unsaturated fats are good for you to the grudging acknowledgement that even trans fats may not be as bad as they’ve been portrayed to be. "We should apologize for making people think about ‘percentage of calories,’" says the AHA’s Eckel, adding that the focus should be on total calories. "You want to eat steak? That’s fine. Just make it six ounces rather than 16."

To undo decades of fat-phobia, it’s going to take a more rousing endorsement. And for that, it’s necessary to leave the realm of science and enter the kitchen, where it’s easier to consider the possibilities. Take guacamole, or the pat of butter that finishes a risotto or a chocolate pudding. McLagan includes fat in everything from salad to dessert, with recipes for grilled steak and red wine sauce topped with bone marrow. For a sweet, try salty bacon brittle with pork cracklings. These are beyond rich—the animal fats give the dishes depth and an almost medieval earthiness—and they’re delicious, enough to make even confirmed skeptics salivate.

The boys' Nature Shelf

We are following the idea of the Montessori Nature Shelf at our house. Diego (and Truen, too, though to a lesser extent at this point in time) finds all kinds of interesting things, from skulls and chesnuts to dried up toads and hummingbird nests - and everything goes straight to their "Special Shelf", as we've been calling it.

It is a window sill in our sunroom, right by the back door, and both the boys enjoy spending time going through its contents. Pinecones, walnut shells, snail shells, feathers. Pretty rocks and seeds. Bird eggs are the one exception - they go on the window sill above the sink. (Baby Truen would crush them!) Did you know swallow eggs are white with brown speckles?

I've always been one to pick up whatever-looks-interesting off the ground (I had rock collections galore), so nurturing this part of their curiosity comes very naturally. I think I might enjoy it more than they do. Lovely.

Sizzlin' success

Story Hour at our little library is going great. We have had 8 kids the last two weeks, 5 kids the first week. There is a lot of interchange amongst the attendees, so we have probably had 10-12 different kids in during the first three weeks. It might be more than that, but I'm too lazy to attempt a headcount from memory and I haven't been taking attendance. Maybe I should...

I am so pleased. I knew that "if we built it, they would come". Even in a tiny community of 703 people. The years before required a sign up sheet and suffered from massive disorganization, so when an interested individual actually manhandled it into submission - and townspeople could count on it happening - we would smell the sweet rose of success. Yesssss.

The 9-12 year olds' group is going well, too. A SAHD(ad), who is also a former elementary teacher, is organizing it. They are adapting a folk tale into a puppet show (SO cool) and will be performing it for the younger kids at the end of the summer. There are 10 kids in regular attendance.

It is just so thrilling. And encouraging. And fun to participate in.

It makes me proud.

♥ the innocence mission ♥

The Lakes of Canada

One of my all-time favorite songs, ever. (With a couple of minutes of cheesy water sound effects at the end: beware.)

Sufjan does Lakes of Canada, too

Quite a find

On our way to friends' house for dinner last weekend, we were driving by Wildlife Management Land and happened upon this beauty: a wild Cypripedium. It is the brown and yellow "Lady Slipper" orchid, closely related to Minnesota's state flower, Cypripedium reginae. It was our first sighting of a Cypripedium occurring in its natural habitat, which was quite a thrill.

I was watching the landscape very closely as we drove (and we were going very slowly because of the gravel road), as I am interested in, and becoming more familiar with, prairie flowers. We were running late and had already just stopped to look at some tent caterpillars; but when I saw those beautiful, round, yellow flowers, I squealed "Cypripedium!"; Squeeze slammed on the brakes and we all piled out to admire it.

Cypripedium (species unknown)

So very lovely...
(Diego examining it in the background)

Kitchen flop

I attempted to make homemade mozzarella this evening, and what a ker-flop that turned out to be! I'm not sure exactly what went wrong, but my goodness: did it ever. It never turned to "stretchy taffy". No-no-no.

Oh well.
I tried.

En absentia

All of my free time of late has been taken up by my Friends of the Library activities.

Let me count the ways:

• I planned and organized Story Hour (ages 4-8) for the Summer Reading Programs at our library. It was terribly disorganized before - completely fly by the seat of their pants, and worse, required a sign-up sheet. If only one child signed up, it was cancelled for the week. And the book selection! Gak. I couldn't hack that for another summer, so I took charge. The theme is "Get Creative @ Your Library"; the instruction manual gave plenty of book recommendations, but I took this opportunity to order some quality selections to add to the collection. We had our first Story Hour this past Wednesday, with 5 kids. Not too shabby. I am also facilitating the introduction, wiggle/song-time, and the crafts after the reading volunteer has finished.
• I have written the Library News column for the local paper for the past two weeks (due on Thursdays). I normally only have the first week of the month, but someone moved.
• I write the agenda for our monthly meetings, the second Monday of each month.
• I'm researching incorporating as a 501c3 (non-profit).
• We average one fundraiser per month. Last month, it was a Book and Rummage Sale during the city-wide rummage sales. We made $284. Next month, it is a food stand and water wagon during the town's annual parade.

The library has seen HUGE improvements since the formation of the Friends last November. It is so encouraging. The librarian was barely keeping her nose above water before the Friends - she only worked 20 hours a week with no help, and runs a part-time business on the side. No wonder why there were so many piles behind her desk.

Since the Friends formed, we have:

• Added 3 regular volunteers to the library "staff".
• Raised $1,400
• Bought 2 large double-sided wooden bookshelves and one smaller wooden bookshelf for the children's section.
• Added comfortable seating to the library landscape.
• Write a weekly column for the local newspaper called, "Library News", to keep the community informed of our activities, promote the library and its features, and instill a greater recognition/appreciation for the role of the library in the community [in my opinion, libraries are one of the most important cultural institutions].
• Started a petition/resolution for community members to sign, showing their support for the activities and goals of the Friends (library improvement, and ultimately...a new building) - to show the City Council that we have community backing.
• Averaged one fundraiser per month - from sit-down meals to food stands to rummage and book sales.
• Upped community book donations (to add to the collection, or save for future book sales).
• Near-distant future goal: expand library hours with a militia of volunteers (we are currently open M, W, F and 1/2 Sat...can you imagine?? And that is comparatively GOOD).

It has been thrilling, to say the least. There has been a big lift to the general look of the library, the collection itself (though meager), and the librarian is feeling optimistic again. She is starting implement the change that she never had the time or the means to do so, and I think having the support of a group has been instrumental. I'm so proud!

* * * * *

Other than the extensive Friends activity, I/we:

• Spend almost every night outside, working in our various gardens (vegetable, herb, flower) until 9:00-ish - come inside, eat, relax a little, and go to bed.
• Went to the local prairie preserve last weekend with a Friend we had in town. Lovely. I feel much more connected to this area and the general landscape when I see it intact and as it was/is meant to be. Rolling hills, waving grasses, and beautiful prairie flowers to seek out like a treasure hunt. No weeds, no miles of tilled land, no clumps of odd-looking tree stands.
• Am reading French Women Don't Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano, of all the things. I've seen it referenced before and when I ran into it at the Friends' book sale I couldn't resist picking it up. I'm enjoying reading about open markets, seasonal eating, and a plain-and-simply approach to a trim, womanly figure: whole foods, made at home. Yep!
• Have had a great few weeks with the boys, particularly Diego. I want to highlight that, because I'm usually posting "Wahhhhh!" and "Why???", so it feels really good to be able to say that we are in a groove - there is an understanding amongst us - the scales are balanced. That feels so good, especially after days or weeks where it seems like we do nothing more than spin our wheels. I know this is overly general, but I would think parents of little ones probably get the gist. It is so refreshing to feel positive, instead of spiraling in the "same old crap".

It's official:

I cried while reading a book to Diego.

Baby in a Basket by Gloria and Ted Rand did me in. Okay, so I "fought back tears", not cried, but nonetheless: my poor aching mama's heart. Yeeeouch!

Using a true story from 1917 Alaska, the Rands have created a perfect marriage of text and illustration. Traveling from Fairbanks to Seattle in midwinter, Marie Boyer and her two daughters, Betty and Ann, are among passengers and freight tossed into an icebound river when the horses pulling their big sleigh panic. Betty is pulled under the ice and Ann, in her snug basket, vanishes in the Arctic dark. Rescued, Betty and the other passengers are comforted at a nearby lodge while a desperate search is mounted to find Ann. At the last moment, two trappers arrive to a joyous reception, carrying basket and baby Ann, discovered sliding down the river atop the ice, pushed by the freezing wind.

Gloria Rand's detailed, dramatic text is well matched by Ted Rand's robustly wintry illustrations, and presents the hardships faced by Alaskan pioneers in a manner comprehensible to the young. Almost unbelievable in these days of jet planes and superhighways, this gripping tale of near tragedy will enrich a social studies curriculum. Even more, though, it's an exciting "good read."

A Wooded Room

We found a very special place this past week: the inner sanctuary of an old barn at some friends' place. They are an older couple, and had partially torn the roof off of it years ago in hopes of dismantling the poor thing for scrap lumber, but didn't get very far. Meanwhile, Mother Nature and all the little wood-fairies have been hard at work reclaiming it for themselves. I felt completely transported to another realm in this room; my eyes must have been shining the entire time.

I have always been attracted to the inner sanctum - alternate realities - hidden realms - secret places. Some of my favorite books, or parts of books, from childhood involved hidden spaces: Hester Gray's garden in Anne of Avonlea, The Secret Garden, Sarah Crewe's attic room at the girls' boarding school, or the Alden children's home in the boxcar with their pineneedle beds.

Being in this room, with its enormously high vaulted ceiling, the sun streaming in, trees growing up from the dirt floor, the sunlight dappled with green leaves - oh my, it transported me. I want to go back. I want to live there. I want my children to feel the tug of intrigue and have their senses filled with the ethereal atmosphere.

And yet...I also felt mournful there. I imagined its history: all the people and cows and hay who have been inside that place. How the farmer who built it would slap his forehead in disbelief if he could see it now. How the children who played on the thick rope swing in the haymow would feel teary to see their magical playland a mere shadow of its former self. And how even the trees from which the lumber was milled would see themselves, astonished: still strong, but leaning, leaning, and slowly on their way back to mildewy dust.

This place . . . affected me.

Warmed cockles

If you want to warm the cockles of your heart too, go to my SIL's blog and have a look-see. Awww...it's enough to make a mama radiant sunbeams from her giant, happy grin.

A full report on getting too thin and battling systemic yeast

I am starting to get too skinny again, but I've gained, count 'em: 5 lbs, and I am so very thankful for that. At the beginning of May I was down to 132, which for 5'9 is frightfully thin.

I noticed the gain yesterday morning: I bought a pair of short-pants last fall that were pleasantly form-fitting; but at the beginning of May they were literally falling off my hips without a belt, making me feel like a sloppy young Bag; wonderfully, when I tried them on yesterday, they were merely loose. I've bulked up a bit! Thank heavens.

I am still nursing regularly, so this is a factor in my weight loss - but the biggest reason for the skinnies is cutting out all dairy in April. I had been hovering in the 137 to 140 range before that. Why did I cut out my beloved and wonderfully-delicious dairy products, you ask? The answer is systemic yeast. My body is out of balance. It (the yeast) has been terrorizing my face, and now my vag, too, for 3 years. I believe my body was knocked out of balance with the use of oral contraceptives and then thrown for a loop through the hormonal changes of pregnancy and nursing. And I've finally had ENOUGH. I'm not taking it anymore. It is time to get radical.

For two years, though I've suspected yeast, I couldn't understand what it was eating: I don't eat refined flours or sugars except on occasion. I eat tons of vegetables, my grains are whole, and I do eat meat. What was this yeast eating? What could it be??? I was so sad to realize that it had to be dairy. Lactose! So much dairy, in fact, that I dropped 5-7 pounds in a week after cutting it out of my diet. Milk, cheese, sour cream, yogurt, butter, cottage cheese...I love it all...and I love LOTS of it. Like, with every meal.

And so, I cut it out. I plan to re-introduce it into my diet very slowly after several months. I am also taking an arsenal of supplements to battle the yeast: Vitamins B, D, E - Zinc - Cod Liver Oil - Probiotics - Calcium - Digestive Enzymes - a homeopathic to "dig it out" - and Capryl, an anti-fungal, to kill it. I am also eating coconut and olive oils with every meal, which are anti-fungals, very tasty, and an aid to digestion and nutrient absorption. [For the record: coconut oil is fabulously tasty spread on crackers and olive oil drizzled in soups right before eating is divine. Wow...! I would have never known.]

In addition to beefing up on good fats to gain weight, I have also been attempting to eat extra meals. Not just snacks, folks, but actual full-out extra meals. Tons of eggs and meat and vegetables, which has been hard on my philosophy of seasonal eating, as you can imagine. We are also running very low on meat, but a recently sourced supply of grass-fed/grass-finished beef just went to the meat locker yesterday, so we will be replenishing our supply with 1/4 of a cow within the next few weeks. (Thank goodness.) And once our garden is in full-swing, I will really be able to hone in on the foods that yeast cannot eat: meat and vegetables. I'm going to starve those little bastards to death!

Yeast is a single cell fungi that is usually kept in check by the natural flora in the body - but once it gains a foot hold in your system, it actually sends out mycelium just like any other fungus. Can you imagine that creeping through your tissues??? It is enough to give anyone the willies. That is the reason is it so hard to get rid of: it is growing in you. And from what I've read, once it gains a hold in your body, it is a nasty, nasty thing to try and get rid of. I'm in it for the long haul!

I shall keep you posted on my progress in both weight and yeast-eradication. Presently, I just am so thankful for the extra pounds I've been able to add back on. Squeeze has noticed too, saying my face looks better - not so bony. He wishes I would gain weight, the poor guy. I'm trying! My face is looking better too, which is such a relief. Being red and zitty at the age of 31, though not as mortifying as it might be for teenagers, is still painful and unpleasant.

So, ultimately, my goal is a fleshier body and clear skin. I - can - do - it!

To my #1 fan, Ash - and her husband, my brother

Ashley ---
Smashingly.
So sincere and honest.

I love it that you're working at
Kelowna "General Hospital".
It sounds like a soap; but in reality...
You're wiping butts and cleaning cuts.
And staying up all night.

Ashley ---
Thrillingly.
Hard at work at her new hobby.

You're smart and sassy,
not quite as slow as molassy;
working through the tedium of...cross-stitching.
(Or is that bo-bassy?)
I smile at the thought of it.

Ashlik --
or Erley ---
You're half my hits each day, you silly girl.
And that is why you, my dear, are my #1 fan.
You're the record-holder, fo' sho'.

What I've been thinking about recently...

• Amazingly textured skies.
• Windblown grass.
• The scent of a bright, dewy, crisp morning.
• Old homestead garden varieties that fill our grove - daylilies, lily of the valley, fancy nettle, violets, yarrow, and even struggling crabapples - all remnants of a farm long-gone: testaments from the past.
• How taking a hard line in the philosophy of locally-produced, sustainable eating seems to veto vegetarian and/or vegan eating, especially in this part of the country.
• My selfishness as a mother, and how to get beyond that.
• How my husband and I compliment each other almost perfectly; and how remarkable it has been to recognize that very fact more fully these past few months. How can we be so lucky? Does every pairing contain strengths/appreciation on this level?
• Friendship. Knowing and being known; feedback; great conversation; delving into the abstract; enjoying a well-prepared meal or drink together.
• Coconut oil on Bible Bread. Nummm...
• Rhubarb sauce sweetened with chopped dates and orange, spiced with cloves: on pancakes or oatmeal.
• Anticipation for the coming growing season: knowing I will be able to go out back and pick a full meal in a matter of months.
• Soaking grains and seeds for greater digestibility. Next up: nuts soaked overnight in salt water. I'm ready.

5.10.09

Garden news

WAY up --
Cool-growing vegetables:

• Lettuce
• Kale
• Peas
• Radishes
• Mustard greens
• Spinach
• Sunflowers
• Rhubarb
• Garlic

More vegetables:

• Beets
• Parsnips
• Salsify
• Dill (re-seeded from last year)
• Fennel (ditto)

Transplants, in:

• Broccoli
• Cabbage

What a thrilling time of year! The grass is green, the trees are budding, we've had several sunny 70 degree days, and the garden is coming along nicely. Still very ugly, of course; but filled with potential. I can hardly wait to walk out back to gather our evening meal. It's gonna be great!

We have big plans for planting this weekend. We even have a friend coming out to help -- she offered and we took her up on it. Prepare to slave, Kate! (Just kidding, of course.) My hope is that it will be a productive weekend in the garden with a pleasant nightcap each evening, loaded meaningful conversation and perhaps a chocolate martini. You never know what "Squeeze the Bartender" has up his sleeve.

A weekend in review

I don't usually post more than a few pictures at a time, but we had such a fun-filled extended weekend visiting family and friends in the Twin Cities and Wisconsin that I am spurred to splurge. We ate delicious food, visited grandparents, relaxed with friends, explored waterways, hung with my bro, enjoyed a sliver in time of child-free moonlighting, re-connected with an old friend, and engaged in meaningful conversation.

All in all, a delightful trip.

Driving through leaf-budding Wisconsin

Squirrely sleep-deprived boys with their great-grands

Four friends and a fetus

Posing before a DELUXE breakfast

Reunion

Go get 'em, boys

The most amazing fruit salad ever:

chopped fruit and sour cream spiced with

cardamom, cloves, and cinnamon

Rainy day + busy street = happy baby

Nepalese buffet lunch = sublime

Oooooo...koi!

Popple-de-Polly makes me laugh

Little Popple-de-Polly
Said, See my new dolly!
With her beautiful, pop-open eyes.

But I can't make her speak,
Though I've tried for a week;
And whever I hug her, she cries.

Ba-looming

Brassavola nodosa 'Little Stars';

nestled with our sprouting seed potatoes.

This little sucker becomes fragrant at night, and

fills an entire room with an intense, spicy-sweet scent.

The boys enjoy inspecting and sniffing it every evening.

(We have divisions for interested parties.)

Epiphyllum (hybrid unknown)

Squeeze calls it Epiphyllum 'Don', named for

the former co-worker that gave it to him.

[When I met the old duffer, he was wearing

his t-shirt backwards. What a dude.]

The color of this "orchid cactus" bloom is so vibrant,

that looking straight into it tickles my brain.

Why???

How is this possible?

• The baby is sleeping.
• The 3 year old has been looking at books or playing quietly by himself for an HOUR AND A HALF. He has checked in with me a couple of times to say, "I love you".
• I have been casually doing my own thing, with a child awake, for an HOUR AND A HALF.
• This is almost-complete freedom of mind and movement, with a child awake.
• This has never happened before.
• The sun is shining, the day is warm.
• It is a beautiful, sweet-smelling day.

And...the kicker:

• I feel guilty about it.

Argh, matey - me toe hooks!

For those unaware, Diego has been obsessed with Peter Pan for some time now. Most of our afternoon "Special Time" play-time follows a Peter Pan-esque storyline starring Peter, the Lost Boys, Tink, Captain Hook, and the Crocodile.

Today, while Captain Hook (as played by Diego) was sitting on the edge of the Jolly Roger and contemplating a fall off the side of the ship, he muttered to himself --

"Hmmmm.... If I did fall off, the crocodile would eat my toes and then I would have toe hooks. Hmmmmm...."

Bear with me a moment, please

There is something about chilled air - drizzly rain - the smell and feel of sticky sap from fir or spruce - and the sight of split level entry houses circa 1981 that remind me of my youth and fill me with nostalgia.

I have stumbled upon all these things within the last couple of days and it makes me feel like I'm 11 again. I guess I miss...the suburbs of Western WA...?

No...but memories flutter in my mind and fill me with, as my husband has described so well, "sweet melancholy".

She flows, and knows

Since recommencing menstruation, I have been charting using Taking Charge of Your Fertility as a tool. It is the most amazing thing - to be totally aware of what is happening "down there". There is no more mystery; I know what is happening, and why; I understand my own anatomy better; I feel more awe for the system and design of the female body.

I am amazed, and pleased.

It also makes me so mad that I didn't discover the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) earlier. When we were married, the intense desire to NOT get pregnant trumped any interest in learning about other methods of birth control. I didn't care - and I didn't know any better.

[For the record, my mom did warn me about oral contraceptives, but I didn't listen...and what a bummer that was.]

So instead of letting my body "be", I submitted myself to a steady stream of hormones which tricked my system into thinking it was pregnant month after month. It was only after having my first baby, taking the progesterone-only pill (POP) that I started wondering, "What is this stuff anyway?!" I had no idea what I was putting in my body.

And, worse, after ovulating this past weekend, I was saddened to realize that I have only ovulated perhaps 4 times in the past decade. I can hardly believe that, looking back. It's disgusting. I missed out on so much! [and I'm not talking sex here...get your minds out of the gutter...I'm talking knowledge and understanding and appreciation.]

It is especially blindingly pitiful with the knowledge I have gained in just one cycle. Things could have been so much different. I take comfort in the fact that things can be different going forward; knowing what is happening with my body and being in control of my own fertility feels very good. No more "what if...?" or "I don't know...!" I'm in charge. I know what is going on. I am not a victim to circumstance. I can appreciate the design and amazing machine that my body is.

That being said, thanks to charting and practicing awareness, I am realizing that my body is like an old car, a cold engine turning over, trying to get warmed up and ready to roll. She's trying to get back into the swing of it, ladies! Things have been very strange, like the first flow that was more like spotting, a 23 day cycle, and then bleeding again 2 days after ovulation, etc., but I am aware. It is so nice to have the shades off my mind's eye.

Many women use FAM, but for those who don't, it involves 1) taking your waking temperature every morning, 2) observing cervical fluid, and 3) observing cervical position. With these three keys, you can unlock the mystery of natural birth control (or, as it were, pregnancy achievement).

I definitely recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility - I have been referencing it every day for a month. It is fabulous. What a resource!

[Incidentally, I ordered this book for our local library and it hasn't been on the shelf since it arrived. Yesssss. High demand.]

And finally - looking back, I dearly wish I would have known all this information as a teenager. Everything would have made so much more sense! I wish I would have known about The Keeper then, too. But, like my Mom says, "What's done is done." All I can do is move forward and be thankful I discovered FAM at age 31 and not 41, with another decade of confusion under my belt.

Song for the day

Au fond du temple saint with David Byrne and Rufus Wainwright

What 3 year olds do with glitter glue

Thanks Grandma O. --

he loved it!!!

Waltzing through memory

I am now going through my daybooks from early marriage; and sweet william! it is so enjoyable to peruse our lives through my written word. So much that would have been forgotten is right there, to remember. Our lives...unfolding...all over again...

It is beautiful.

There were several weddings near-and-dear to my heart the summer of 2002, this being the first:

Most of the crew --
This was taken at the reception the night before

Of this group of beautiful youngsters, we have just one wedding left - this July. (The second-to-the-last was just this last October.) Don't we all look so fresh?!

From the 7/6/02 daybook entry:
"Katy looked beautiful and Luke looked very handsome and they both looked like they were extremely happy. It was such a beautiful and wonderful, fun and exciting wedding."

Also recounted was the ape man/siezure dance that Squeeze did in the middle of the dance circle (people were stopping to gape); petting sharks in the estuary pool; three sting rays and two green eels; Sam's conversion van blowing up in Blue Earth on the way to the wedding and as a result, missing the entire thing; dancing the two-step with Runyan to "you and I go dancing in the dark"; a faux-dramatic interlude with RC during the song "Lady in Red"; a waltz with DT; Squeeze and RC napping in the air conditioning of our duplex that afternoon; and finishing off the weekend celebration by going to the lake with RC and Squeeze (I was the only one who swam).

Robins three

I laid in bed this morning with the warm glow of the sunrise shyly peaking through my window, hearing birds twittering in the trees for the first time this season. I then recalled the previous evening, seeing three fat robins hopping about the yard at dusk. It feels so good to have them back.

Spring is verrrrrrrry slow in MN, but what a relief it is.

Lovesick

Our emotional vacation continues, though now it has morphed into a more intense and long-lasting reconnection - a meeting of mind and spirit.

I haven't felt lovesick in years. Years. But here I am, right back in the thick of it: feeling the feelings of longing and intrigue that I remember so well from days-gone-by. A sense of connectedness; my time away from Squeeze spent with a twinge in my heart, wishing we were together. I remember this so well from our dating years and early marriage; feeling like I couldn't get enough of him; feeling like he was the best of everything; waking up and watching him sleep and feeling awe of his presence in my life; drinking him in.

I think this connection was put on the shelf after the birth of our first child, and probably months before that, with the slowing of my pregnant body and mind. My connection was now with my baby and as a mother, that intensity was in him and through him. He (my baby) was the person I longed to be with. Squeeze was on the outside of that connection: I remember reading aloud a passage of a parenting book, which stated that fathers often feel like outsiders to the passionate inner-circle, or connectedness, of mother and baby. It resonated strongly with Squeeze at the time. I remember feeling pity for him, but with no desire to remove myself from it.

That baby-entwined intensity has faded through time, and very naturally I think. I am well aware that I did not have this obsessed relationship with my secondborn. Not that I love him any less, but...that...it is different; and my feelings towards my firstborn are different even from that first lovestruck year of babyhood. I was smitten, and consumed.

But now, and I write this with a drowsy smile on my face, I feel as if I have come back full circle, back to, dare I say it so publicly; my lover.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

March 31 Snowfall

Seeds and cellars

We ordered our vegetable seeds through Seed Savers Exchange this weekend. Looking through the pictures and imagining the bounty is a mouth-watering experience. And the colors! So beautiful. Even the names thrill me:

• Grandpa Admire's lettuce
• Webb's Wonderful lettuce
• Delice de Table melon
• Galeux d'Eysines squash
• Long Island Cheese squash
• Calypso bean
• Empress bean
• Jacob's Cattle Gold bean
• Green Arrow pea

We ordered a transplants of both peppers and tomatoes - 6 of each. We also have several flats of heirloom tomato seeds started; as well as leeks, onions, eggplants and cabbages.

Also under the grow lights is a little experiment: salad greens. We missed fresh greens terribly this past winter; and so, after Squeeze planted one pot of arugula for me - it was so unbelievably delicious, in addition to growing well - we realized that we need to expand our operations.

Root Cellar update:

Our root cellar is now completely barren. Apples, carrots, and potatoes all peetered out this past month. The ghastly remains of the celery was used for one last chicken stock last week, and the tomatoes were gone by mid-November. Onions were eaten by December and the cabbages and the last of the squash departed from our company by the end of January. And we only have one of the twelve quarts of applesauce left (mostly used on pancakes...yummm).

As far as frozen foods, we have eaten two of the three quarts of strawberries from last summer, one of the two quarts of raspberries, and only a couple of quarts of frozen spinach, chard, and lettuce from last summer's garden remain. I've been using the frozen greens in creamy chicken soups and stews, and my - it has been a nice addition. I also froze approx. 15 quarts of tomatoes, of which none are left. I suppose we finished those in February sometime.

Next summer, in addition to freezing greens and berries, I want to can salsa and tomato sauce. We use a lot of these tomato products during the winter months and I'm ready to take on the challenge of putting my own up instead of buying jar upon jar from the grocery store.

We have learned a lot and taken copious notes. It is going to be so much fun to take on the challenge of the new growing season. I can't wait!

Bright spots in gray days

Walking Iris aka Apostle Plant

aka Neomarica

I love having tropical houseplants. They usually bloom when the soul and mind need it most - the dreary winter and spring months when everything outside is varying shades of brown.

The Walking Iris blooms over a number of weeks and is lightly fragrant (putting your nose right into the flower is heavenly). New flowers come from the same flower stalk, and eventually produces a new little plantlet. Each bloom lasts only a day, popping open in the morning and shriveled by the evening hours. I love the purple/yellow color combination.

(Email me if you want a division!)

I don't think he gets it

In a tearful response to an impassioned rebuke from his mother this afternoon, for poking his little brother in the face with a pointy toy, Diego replied remorsefully, "Okay... I will do different naughty things."

Doh!

A few observations from 12 years in the future

Or present, as it were.

After stampeding through my college daybooks, I decided to review my high school journals as well. What an interesting thing it is - to know yourself in those pages - but with the experience and maturity that a decade brings.

A few observations:

• I use the word "mass" with alarming frequency. Like, "I laughed mass hard."
• I was obsessed with boys, or, as I referred to them, "guys".
• I was always very concerned about the fact that I never had a boyfriend, though peppered through the text is many admonitions of feeling glad that I didn't.
• I've realized that I remembered the events through my feelings at the time - which were not necessarily reality. i.e. "No boys ever like me", but recorded in meticulous detail are many stories of getting pushed, jostled, patted, stared at, paper thrown at, attacked, etc., all by teenage boys. Ah-ha! Au contraire.
• From the way I wrote, I think I had a better sense of myself and a higher self-esteem than I remember. I was able to identify things about myself that are still true today, though I may not have seen the larger picture.
• I felt very connected to my female friends; my best friend in particular, whose personality and general presence strangely resembles Squeeze in many ways.
• I was always very concerned about being too loud and too wild. (But not enough to ever reign myself in.)

She flows

The sloughing of my uterine wall has recommenced. I could tell that things were changing, but I wasn't exactly sure what was going on until yesterday when "she flowed". I was strangely pleased to see it, as if that portion of my powers had returned to me.

I whipped out my Size A(fter) Keeper and put 'er in: plugged. Taken care of. I am glad I had purchased the post-vaginal delivery size this time around, as the Size B(efore) wasn't making the grade last time. And my goodness, ladies, I am reminded of how much I really really really like using The Keeper. I've been using it for the last 6 years (with 4 of them largely menses-free) and my only regret is that I didn't discover it sooner. [Props go to LSJF] If you haven't checked into yet, you should: it saves loads of cash, tons of grief, and is the hands-down environmentally-sound choice. It is a win-win-win decision.

This is the third time I've had my period in four years. !!! It has been a nice break, again; I definitely have extended breastfeeding to thank. The general rule is to nurse every 4 hours during the day and 6 hours at night to prevent ovulation, and my goodness: yes. It feels a lot more frequent than that (growth spurt?). But I can't complain with almost 17 months of free and completely natural worry-free birth control!

If this were Diego/Truen, I would have started cycling again in February - and been pregnant by the end of this month. That doesn't look so appealing to me this time around. I want to wow the crowds at our summer weddings (yeah...) and move around freely in pretty dresses in the warm summer sun instead [of lumbering]. The thought of giving birth in January in the frozen snowy prairies is also slightly daunting.

We shall see... I am going to re-read Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, start charting morning temps, and keep a keen eye out for signs of fertility. It should be interesting - it will be the first time to use the knowledge I gained from that book. It even has recommendations on how to try for a girl (or a boy), though I haven't read that part yet.

Friends first

I never followed up on the Valentine Spaghetti Meal, our Friends of the Library's first fundraiser. It went well. We had 100 or so people in attendance and made over $500. I was there from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm, the longest I've ever been away from Baby Pumpkin (who is hardly a baby anymore). My boobs were like rocks by the end of the day - it was terrible.

It seemed to go over well with the townspeople. There were also two church brunches that day, so we were doubling-up on options in town. In a town of 700 people with one supper club open on limited evenings, they, or should I say, we, have a captive audience. All the various non-profits in the community make BIG MONEY on their fundraiser breakfasts, lunches, and dinners because there is nowhere else to eat! [Well...big money for rural MN...]

A lot of people stopped in after their brunch and donated money to show their support for the library, which was very nice. Who doesn't love libraries?! And, believe it or not, but there are towns in the area who don't have one. I grow faint at the thought.

We have our second fundraiser on Saturday: the local auction house has a food stand that rotates amongst the area non-profits. We got the slot last minute after another group cancelled. We are serving pulled-pork sandwiches, chips, and a pickle - with donuts and coffee in the morning and what locals call "bars" in the afternoon.

[Has anyone heard of these "bars" before? They're like cookies, but baked in huge jelly roll pans and cut into squares. I don't know if this is a regional thing, or my dislike for desserts... I have heard of "lemon bars" before - but simply "bars"??? Very strange.]

Obsess-much?

Your Long Journey from Raising Sand with Robert Plant and Alison Krauss has shot up to #3 on my iTunes account after a morning binge on endless repeat. I - can't - get - enough!

♥ ♥ ♥

I have been on what we have dubbed an "emotional vacation" for the past two weeks with Squeeze, my main squeeze, my only squeeze, aka - my husband. It has been part time-travel, part detective work, and part passionate revival. Our marriage relationship has always been solid, based on friendship and very happy, but for the last few years we have been operating largely as business partners vs. anything resembling passion. It took a little shaking-up to make us realize this.

It has been the most amazing thing - circumstances triggered by an interface from the past threw us into an intense reviewal of our 3.5 year tumultuous dating relationship. We've been re-reading old journals, daybooks, notes, letters, perusing through pictures, and talking extensively and intensively for almost 2 weeks straight, from the second we see each other in the morning until we go to bed (interrupted by work, of course). We never felt like we had the time to talk before this, but now find ourselves sitting the kids down with a pile of play-doh or little cars or sticks outside and talking and talking and talking. It feels so good.

We have made several discoveries about our past: why our dating years were so up-and-down, what attracted us to each other in the first place, and why things simmered down once we finally decided to go for the gold [get married].

We have told each other things that the other has never heard about until now. We are re-realizing why we are such a perfect pairing: how our idiosyncrasies work together to form a stronger bond, and the great respect and understanding that we have for each other.

It has been just so refreshing: and exactly what we needed.

ENFP + INTJ = ♥

Sunny brothers

Feb 2009

There and back again

I was gone for a week a-visiting in Minneapolis/St. Paul. It was a lovely trip - we spent a lot of time with family, friends, at beating down the doors of untold numbers of thrift stores. [I hit the jackpot at every place. Totally tubular.]

In short: we spent an entire day with my brother, brunched with college friends with BIG news (engagement, new house, newly-popped pregger belly), played with the cousins, did dot-art with our buddies, spent a morning at a Somali mall sipping tea and nibbling on sambusa, and finished of the week rampaging through an attic apartment in super hero costumes and wooden swords. Diego even got some quality snuggling/neck-touching time in with Auntie Lyndi; and Truen started pointing and things and attempting to say whatever words were asked of him.

My social cup over-floweth. It was a good time, I'm glad I went. And I am so glad to be home. It feels very nice.