Lots to say

. . . but not much time to write it out.

I'm feeling well.  Healing well, though interestingly, I feel like I am recovering from pregnancy, not childbirth.  I'm 33, so it is probably harder has I get older?  Sheesh, that's scary.  And, as others have pointed out, those muscles and ligaments have already been stretched out twice before.

Jamie is doing well -- as sweet as a warm, sunny morning.  I adore him.  Having a newborn again is wonderful.  What a beautiful time of life it is -- and so fleeting.  There is no comparison.

The brothers are affectionate and loving.  They love to caress his fuzzy little head and smother him with sloppy kisses.  Truen is particularly gentle and careful, which definitely falls in line with his general personality.  Diego takes pride in telling everyone, "His name is Jamie Sterling". 

We've had a couple of bumps in the road of adjustment -- mostly within the realms of being careful around mama and/or baby and our sleeping arrangements.  But nothing too horrific. 

We co-sleep, so our sleeping arrangements go like this: Jamie, Mama, Truen, Diego, Squeeze.  Diego had a hard time and cried that first night, but has since has transitioned well and has been happily snuggling with Squeeze at bed time (with a little snuggle with mama before hunkering down for the night).  

I've found that I am really mourning the change.  I miss him.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised; and I'm not, even though I wasn't anticipating it.  Probably because there was too much else to think about.  I miss his warm little body snuggled up next to mine.  I miss being close to him while he is drowsy, still, and softly snuggling.  I am sad that life is changing, even though I am happy about the change that precipitated this adjustment. 

My tender mama's heart...!

Diego has been waking up in the early morning hours to sliver in between me and Truen to touch my neck.  I'm so glad.  While Truen doesn't generally like to snuggle, he does like to be with me, so he has been a little irritated with Diego sneaking in to take his spot.  But not crushed.

Blaine is back at work today, after a week and three days off.  I miss him terribly.  He had a day off for bereavement yesterday, as his grandma died the day after Jamie was born.  The funeral was yesterday.  Talk about a mixed bag of joy and grief for the extended Borealis family! 

She hadn't been doing well this past month after getting knocked out by a bladder infection.  Thankfully, we were able to see her several times in the past weeks, though she was worse and worse every time we saw her.  We can hardly believe we won't be seeing her again.  I felt like that when my grandpa died, too.

So we are sad.  And happy.  And adjusting.  And in love.

I've had a lot of inquiries about my Birth Story.  I am definitely planning on it.  First I have to finish writing it out in Little Jamie's baby book (I'm about half-way done) and then I need the time to pound it out on the computer.  It's-a-comin', though much slower this time around.

Oh, and finally . . .

As I was carrying the phone into the sunroom this morning, I happened to see the time: 11:11 AM on 1.11.11 -- amazing.  I still can't believe how freqently I happen to look at the clock at that time.  What fun to see it on January 11, 2011!  Wow.

Keeping it real

It was 11:11 when I got on the computer this evening. A coincidence? Never!

I have been prepping for a big blow-out post on corn, the way this country eats, and the gargantuan ramifications involved; but it will have to wait, for I am too vexed on an entirely different subject [though becoming friends with Anna on Facebook cheered me a bit - so glad you found me]. What is bugging me is something irritating enough to make me blow a nut, and that is: parenting an almost-3 year old.

I mean really - could things be any more difficult? How many times in a row do I have to tell the kid to stop, or quit, or show me, or put your underwear back on, or please stop wiggling while I'm brushing your teeth, or put that stick down, or please get off of me, or get that out of my face, or stop hitting-kicking-rolling on-bumping into your baby brother before I get some action? How many times??? I swear, that kid has been in time-out more than he has been in time-in. My patience is wearing very thin; in fact, I'm not sure I have any left.

I've read (and noticed) that 2-3 year olds seem to have streaks of excellent behavior mixed with streaks of testy behavior. I've also thought that the times when I want to check out (like today) or when I'm pretty much expecting him to be naughty, he kicks it up a notch - either living up to my expectations, or, I presume, doing anything he possibly can to get my attention. I noticed myself trying to distance myself from him this afternoon - innocently enough: I wasn't reading or online, but simply sitting with the baby. And trying to remain calm. He had to be right next to me (in between me and Pumpkin) or ON me. It was enough to make me want to send him into another dimension - a vortex where he would be completely harmless and outta my face.

I guess this is what several days of on-again, off-again napping does - mixed with both children napping in succession on the days that he does sleep. Add that to the mess our house is in from the kitchen remodel last week. Ack! Everything has to be pulled out of our cupboards and cleaned [we are about 3/4 of the way done]. These ingredients brew a potion of angst and insanity for me, where I often wonder if I'm cut out to be a mother. Of course, I am being completely over-dramatic when I write that - but the helpless fury is there.

I need to go to bed ASAP - I've noted that days/weeks like these get worse when I'm over-tired. But dang - can't a girl get any down time? I just need to suck it up and stop sniveling. Talking about it (whether verbally or blogging) makes me feel so much better: it is like working poison out of my system.

One-one-one-one

I swear, I can't even tell you how many times I spontaneously look at the clock at 11:11 - never planned, not even knowing it is close. I would say that this happens several times a week.

It is just uncanny.

Seeing it is like locking eyes with someone staring at you from across a room - I'm always surprised and it sends chills down my spine. And then I smile a little smile to myself and think, "Again??"

Oh yes, again. Be amazed.

In the groove

Aren't they sweet? I feel very good about where we are at right now: we finally have a rhythm down and caring for two kids each day seems normal. Weeee're back [to normal]! It feels so good. I think it just took a couple of weeks to get in the groove, as well as the emotional and mental adjustments. For me, this is how it went: the first week is Show-off week (the high); the second, Reality Check; the third, Adjusting; and the fourth, Home Free. I think. Just leave it to me to open my big mouth, and then my whole world will come crashing down. But seriously, I really do think we are in the clear.

Pumpkin has been much more alert with each passing day. He is awake 4-5 hours a day, 1-2 in the morning, 2-3 in the evenings. He is starting to look around too, instead of just staring straight ahead. It is so irresistible; I just want to smooch him. He definitely likes to be upright when he's awake. He also loves the sling. I had forgotten what a wonderful thing my Maya Wrap is. Pumpkin sits/stands/snuggles upright in it for the most part (when we go outside I have him wrapped in a thick blanket and in a lying down position), and quietly looks around while I'm going about my day; then, when he gets tired, he slowly drifts off and sleeps contentedly. I would say he is in the sling probably 80% of the day. I put him down now and then, mostly just to give my back a rest or to accomplish a task that will be done more quickly without slinging a baby around. It is great. I really enjoy the closeness it provides: I am able to get things done and attend to Starbeans, all while holding (slinging) my baby around. It keeps him content and it makes me happy too. I don't know what I'd do without it. [My arms would probably be very sore...because it just isn't in me to keep in in a rocker or swing. I like him on me at almost all times.]

Hey Vicky, today I looked at the clock at 11:11 twice. We still have a couple of clocks that we haven't turned back from daylight savings - I looked at our bedroom clock at 11:11 (at 10:11) and then at the kitchen clock at 11:11 (at 11:11). Can you believe it?? Spoooooky.

11:11 and Borealis Grandchild #11

I swear that I've looked at the clock at 11:11 almost every day this week. Today and yesterday, for sure. Probably the day before that, too. I even looked at 1:11 this afternoon. It is uncanny how frequently it happens. I swear it!

My SIL & BIL are in Guatemala meeting and picking up their 13 month old daughter this week. All the kids are at my MIL & FIL's house while they're gone. [Bummer, though, because Starbeans caught Squeeze's cold and there is no way I'm going to spread it around. He's got lots of energy, but the snot and sneezing is copious. We might get to see them later in the week.] My new niece is a half-sister (by blood) to their son, also adopted from Guatemala. The birth mother requested that she be placed in the same home, if possible. We are pretty excited about her: she is fat and chubby and almond-eyed, just like a baby should be. Her hair is dark and she's got rolls, baby, rolls. I love that.

Their process was slowed down pretty badly by governmental issues [Guatemala is considering nixing international adoption] and they've been waiting for over a year to finally pick her up. The whole family is very relieved and pleased that she is finally coming home: we've been waiting a long time! I must say, though, that amidst all the excitement, I'm also saddened by the heartbreak she will inevitably go through. Now that I've had a babe of my own, I have a fuller understanding of one year olds. A one year old knows who they belong to. It is going to be traumatic for her to be separated from her foster family -- I could cry thinking about it long enough. It takes many months to acclimate, if not longer. I'm just glad she'll be too young to remember the trauma. The poor babe. I really am excited, though! We've all been waiting a long time for her to come home. It will be good to finally have her as a physical part of the family.

Twiggy Mama

It has snowed for most of the day today, but it has been the airy kind of snow - not much body, swirling down lightly, barely accumulating. It sure is pretty, though: I'll take it. This afternoon, Starbeans looked out the window (from across the room) and said, "noh". Snow. It was precious. He is also starting to attempt jumping (but never leaves the ground) and crosses his arms. So many new things...

I looked at the clock at 11:11 both morning and evening today. Spooky!

Onto a completely different subject...

My weight is down to 130; it was in the high 120's last week. People are started to get a little freaked out by my stick-like appendages and wonder what is wrong with me. I'm 5'9, by the way. My clothes don't fit, my veins are bulging, my underwear is huge on me, etc. etc. My nursing bras don't even fit anymore.

My BMI is 19.2, so I'm still within the healthy (be it low) weight range for my height, thankfully. I'm pretty sure that I have a fast metabolism anyway and extended breast-feeding (18 months and counting) is really sucking out the calories. I've been trying to eat more, but that can be tiring. I already eat a lot! So much, in fact, that several years ago when while baby-sitting our nieces, they said, "Our mom and dad said that you eat more than anyone in the whole family!" Oh goodness, it was hilarious (and true): I still laugh about that when it enters my mind.

11:11, again

I just looked at the clock. It was 11:11 pm.

Night, light, & half light

This evening I looked at the clock at 11:12 pm.

Goodnight & adieu ---

Aedh Wishes For The Clothes Of Heaven
William Butler Yeats

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Billboards, babies, and pink on pink

We were gone for the weekend: visiting Squeeze's parents in Western MN.

Billboards of note:

• NO WHITE TRASH OR TWEEKERS
• Babies were born to be breastfed.

The "No W.T. or Tweekers" Billboard was on a private fence, in big bold red letters, with a big circle-slash through and around it. Very bizarre. Tweekers, I am assuming, are meth addicts. But White Trash - who are they?

The "Babies" sign was a sponsored billboard - we went by too fast to see who paid for it. The letters were white, smallish, and in the middle of a large black billboard. I thought it was an extremely interesting propagandistic ploy to get women to breastfeed their babies (one that I whole-heartedly endorse). I've heard that there is pressure on the government to encourage breastfeeding and that the US has the lowest breastfeeding levels in the western world; but to see propaganda like this up close -- fascinating.

On a side note, I also enjoyed seeing the woman in her light pink shirt standing outside of her light pink house.

I just looked at the clock - it is 11:11. Whoa.

Follow-up:

I gleefully hit "Publish Post", hoping that 11:11 would be my posting-time, but I see that blogger tracks based on when you start the post, in this case, 10:56 pm, not when you complete it. Bummer.

Surprise! It's 11:11

I am incredibly fond of the exact hour and minute of 11:11. AM or PM - it doesn't matter.

Uncannily, I regularly look at a digital clock at 11:11 on the dot. I believe that I started noticing it in high school, thinking then (as I do now), "One-one-one-one - cool!"

For example, this morning at work, I glanced at my computer clock at 11:11 AM. Last night, I spotted 11:11 PM on our home computer. And the night before that, I saw 11:11 on our alarm clock as I was drifting into sleep.

Say what?

I've been trying to figure it out recently: do I actually look at the clock more frequently at the specific time of 11:11, or do I just notice it more because it is so unusual? Perhaps I don't take note of 5:28 or 1:32 quite as much as the beautiful 11:11.

However, I can say this: While I do love it, I do not wait around for 11:11 hoping to catch a glimpse - I simply look at the clock, and presto - it's you-know-when. Not everyday, but it seems to be an unusually frequent event. Quite bizarre but always entertaining.