After stampeding through my college daybooks, I decided to review my high school journals as well. What an interesting thing it is - to know yourself in those pages - but with the experience and maturity that a decade brings.
A few observations:
- I use the word "mass" with alarming frequency. Like, "I laughed mass hard."
- I was obsessed with boys, or, as I referred to them, "guys".
- I was always very concerned about the fact that I never had a boyfriend, though peppered through the text is many admonitions of feeling glad that I didn't.
- I've realized that I remembered the events through my feelings at the time - which were not necessarily reality. i.e. "No boys ever like me", but recorded in meticulous detail are many stories of getting pushed, jostled, patted, stared at, paper thrown at, attacked, etc., all by teenage boys. Ah-ha! Au contraire.
- From the way I wrote, I think I had a better sense of myself and a higher self-esteem than I remember. I was able to identify things about myself that are still true today, though I may not have seen the larger picture.
- I felt very connected to my female friends; my best friend in particular, whose personality and general presence strangely resembles Squeeze in many ways.
- I was always very concerned about being too loud and too wild. (But not enough to ever reign myself in.)
2 comments:
When I read this, I have to say that in part I cringed. Why? Because my past experiences reading through old journals have been unsettling. Mostly because of observations about insecurities or immaturity -- as I have read it I actually felt embarassed. Isn't that ridiculous? But, I admire and appreciate your positive observations and perspective that years have brought you.
Oh dear...I guess I left that part out. There was plenty of embarrassment to swallow too. Although, I found that I was less affronted with my immaturity in my high school journals than my freshman year of college journaling. Now THAT was a fright! I couldn't believe how utterly childish I was. It makes sense, but...gak.
So, I'm right there with you. I was also pretty embarrassed that I spent so much time talking about boys - though I guess that can be attributed in part to simply being "that time of life".
Post a Comment