Here I am!

I can't believe it has already been a week since my last post.  Or that Little Jamie is two weeks old!  Or that, in the fact that my life is so busy that I am still only two-thirds of the way done writing my birth story in the baby book, most of it involves the simple act of sitting around and nursing or patting a little babe's back. 

Or giving his older brothers attention.  Or napping to recover lost sleep.  Or trying to keep us all fed.  Or changing and/or washing diapers.  Or trying to find the time to fit in a healing comfrey and sea salt bath.

In the midst of it all, I am getting to know Little Jamie and remembering how to mother a newborn again.  I love how he gets so sleepy after being awake a half-hour.  He bleats out the most pathetic little cries, obviously in need of yet another nap.  It's just so cute.

He's sleeping in the sling right now, snuggled up on my chest.

I love the way he smells, all the sweet little grunts and snorts he makes, his lamb-like mewls, flailing limbs, softer-than-soft skin, and when he is awake and stares all around in his quiet-alert state.  I love how he grunts like a little animal when he is threatening to wake up.

I love how Diego and Truen caress his head softly and seems genuinely entertained by their baby brother and how Diego cracks up when the babe belches.  I love Squeeze's affectionate baby talk and sweet snuggles.

Posts about Jamie will be filed under the "Danie Blizzard" label on my blog.  Danie Blizzard, in honor of the most outrageously funny name created by my brother and SIL in this post, It's a Boy! while waiting for us to finally figure one out.  Abdul Danie Blizzard.  That one made me laugh for days on end! 

Danie is also my dad's name, which makes the reference even more precious.  We were considering it for a middle name, but Jamie Danie just didn't sound right in the end.

That's a wrap.


 

Lots to say

. . . but not much time to write it out.

I'm feeling well.  Healing well, though interestingly, I feel like I am recovering from pregnancy, not childbirth.  I'm 33, so it is probably harder has I get older?  Sheesh, that's scary.  And, as others have pointed out, those muscles and ligaments have already been stretched out twice before.

Jamie is doing well -- as sweet as a warm, sunny morning.  I adore him.  Having a newborn again is wonderful.  What a beautiful time of life it is -- and so fleeting.  There is no comparison.

The brothers are affectionate and loving.  They love to caress his fuzzy little head and smother him with sloppy kisses.  Truen is particularly gentle and careful, which definitely falls in line with his general personality.  Diego takes pride in telling everyone, "His name is Jamie Sterling". 

We've had a couple of bumps in the road of adjustment -- mostly within the realms of being careful around mama and/or baby and our sleeping arrangements.  But nothing too horrific. 

We co-sleep, so our sleeping arrangements go like this: Jamie, Mama, Truen, Diego, Squeeze.  Diego had a hard time and cried that first night, but has since has transitioned well and has been happily snuggling with Squeeze at bed time (with a little snuggle with mama before hunkering down for the night).  

I've found that I am really mourning the change.  I miss him.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised; and I'm not, even though I wasn't anticipating it.  Probably because there was too much else to think about.  I miss his warm little body snuggled up next to mine.  I miss being close to him while he is drowsy, still, and softly snuggling.  I am sad that life is changing, even though I am happy about the change that precipitated this adjustment. 

My tender mama's heart...!

Diego has been waking up in the early morning hours to sliver in between me and Truen to touch my neck.  I'm so glad.  While Truen doesn't generally like to snuggle, he does like to be with me, so he has been a little irritated with Diego sneaking in to take his spot.  But not crushed.

Blaine is back at work today, after a week and three days off.  I miss him terribly.  He had a day off for bereavement yesterday, as his grandma died the day after Jamie was born.  The funeral was yesterday.  Talk about a mixed bag of joy and grief for the extended Borealis family! 

She hadn't been doing well this past month after getting knocked out by a bladder infection.  Thankfully, we were able to see her several times in the past weeks, though she was worse and worse every time we saw her.  We can hardly believe we won't be seeing her again.  I felt like that when my grandpa died, too.

So we are sad.  And happy.  And adjusting.  And in love.

I've had a lot of inquiries about my Birth Story.  I am definitely planning on it.  First I have to finish writing it out in Little Jamie's baby book (I'm about half-way done) and then I need the time to pound it out on the computer.  It's-a-comin', though much slower this time around.

Oh, and finally . . .

As I was carrying the phone into the sunroom this morning, I happened to see the time: 11:11 AM on 1.11.11 -- amazing.  I still can't believe how freqently I happen to look at the clock at that time.  What fun to see it on January 11, 2011!  Wow.

Meet Jamie

He has a name!

::: Jamie Sterling :::

I am totally smitten



My sweetest little darlin' Baby Borealis (still no name)

10:36 AM

So quick, I know.  Our third little baby BOY was born this morning after just a few pushes.  In the tub.  With daddy, doula, and midwives watching.  Another amazing experience, though it went so quick I could hardly believe I was actually experiencing it.

• 8 lbs 7.5 oz
• 21 inches long (I think)

Nursing like a champ.  Totally has Diego's nose.  Sleeping softly.

Precious.

Possibly maybe

Welllll . . . it is looking like this might just be it.

It.

I was awakened by contractions somewhere between 2:30-ish am, not fully realizing it until 2:51 am, when I started timing.  They're coming somewhere in the range of every 10-12 minutes and getting more unpleasant.  Like, I'm forcing myself to breathe calmly because I keep on trying to hold my breath.  Why...?

So . . . the midwife is on her way (she's got a few hour drive from where she is) and said she is glad I called.  I'll probably start waking up Squeeze and my doula friend in an hour or so.  Probably.  It would be such an unpleasant surprise for all of us to find that this isn't it.

It.  You know.  Labor.

Meanwhile, I'm hungry.  And eating leftover friiiiiiiiiiii-tta-ta.

And now for something completely different



"And I will give you lots of presents, ho-ho-ho"*


We own almost all of Squeeze's paternal grandmother's vintage Christmas decorations.  In fact, we have so much of it that this strange handless Santa sits near the toilet during the month of December.  Don't ask me why.  Squeeze does most of the holiday decorating.

The other night, as I went to the bathroom for the 15-billionth time that day, I happened upon this delightfully picturesque scene of Jodo Kast imploring Santa for a new jet pack for Christmas.  Oh man, it made me laugh out loud.  I love my husband.

*Truen's quote

Due date

Still no activity.  I vacillate between feeling overly antsy and my normal, optimistic self with a sense of lingering curiosity.  No despair, thankfully.

Who?  What?  When?? 

2010 Booklist: Completed

• The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun - Gretchen Rubin
• The Idle Parent: Why Laid-Back Parents Raise Happier and Healthier Kids - Tom Hodgekinson
• Home Education - Charlotte Mason
• Full Moon Feast: Food and the Hunger for Connection - Jessica Prentice
• A Charlotte Mason Education - Catherine Levison
• My Grandmother's Chinese Kitchen: 100 Family Recipes and Life Lessons - Eileen Yin-Fei Lo
• The Food of a Younger Land: A Portrait of American Food -- Before the National Highway System, Before Chain Restaurants, and Before Frozen Food, When the Nation's Food Was Seasonal - Mark Kurlansky
•  More Charlotte Mason Education - Catherine Levison
• A Charlotte Mason Companion: Personal Reflections on the Gentle Art of Learning - Karen Andreola
• The Lost Art of Real Cooking: Rediscovering the Pleasures of Traditional Food One Recipe at a Time - Ken Albala and Rosanna Nafziger
• Little Heathens: Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression - Mildred Armstrong Kalish
• Cure Tooth Decay: Heal and Prevent Cavities with Nutrition - Ramiel Nagel
• The Dirt on Clean: An Unsanitized History - Katherine Ashenburg
• Scrambled Eggs & Whiskey: Poems 1991-1995 - Hayden Carruth
• The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays of Wendell Berry (half-done, savoring it for later)
• The Fourfold Path to Healing: Working the Laws of Nutrition, Therapeutics, Movement and Meditation in the Art of Medicine - Thomas S. Cowan, MD with Sally Fallon and Jaimen McMillan
• Glass Ceilings and 100-Hour Couples: What the Opt-Out Phenomenon Can Teach Us about Work and Family - Karine Moe and Dianna Shandy
• Feeding the Whole Family: Recipes for Babies, Young Children, and Their Parents - Cynthia Lair
• Preserving Food Withouth Freezing or Canning: Traditional Techniques Using Salt, Oil, Sugar, Alcohol, Vinegar, Drying, Cold Storage, and Lactic Fermentation - The Gardners and Farmers of Terre Vivante
• Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era - Boston Women's Health Book Collective
• Food and Loathing: A Lament - Betsy Lerner
• The Botany of Desire: A Plant's-Eye View of the World - Michael Pollan
• Keeping Bees: A Complete Practical Guide - Paul Peacock
• The Secret Garden Cookbook: Recipes Inspired by Frances Hodgson Burnett's THE SECRET GARDEN - Amy Cotler

READ ALOUD

• Old Mother West Wind - Thornton W. Burgess
• Peter Pan - J.M. Barrie, Edited and Abridged by Josette Frank
• The Trolley Car Family - Eleanor Clymer
• Winnie-the-Pooh - A.A. Milne
• Stuart Little - E.B. White
• The Brownies: Their Book - Palmer Cox
• My Father's Dragon - Ruth Stiles Gannett
• Elmer and the Dragon - Ruth Stiles Gannett
• The Dragons of Blueland - Ruth Stiles Gannett
• Mr. Popper's Penguins - Richard Atwater and Florence Atwater
• Alice for the Very Young - Lewis Carroll
• The Secret Garden - Francis Hodgson Burnett

No baby yet

Just checking in to say, "All is well".

I had contractions coming every 12-15 minutes throughout the afternoon yesterday, but only when I was standing up and moving around.  The moment I sat down, a.k.a. "changed my activity" as the books say, they all but stopped.  Interestingly, the baby was simultaneously very active, shimmying and seemingly responding to the surges.

Wednesday was a quiet day, but I noticed the tightening of my uterus every half-hour or so on Tuesday.  My body must just be practicing and preparing for the real thing.

Now I'm hoping that if this is not the day, no contractions please.  How unpleasant and distracting.  I'd much rather wait for the real thing, then hunker down and focus.  No more, please . . . not until you're ready to come, little one.

This is also not to mention the fact that there is a blizzard coming today.  The roads are completely iced due to rain and 6-8 hours of snow melt yesterday, with temps dropping rapidly by mid-afternoon.  The wind is from the north, fierce, and the snow is just starting to fall thickly.

We've talked about the potential of an unassisted birth and feel fairly confident and comfortable with it.  If travel were completely restricted, I'd certainly rather be at home by myself instead of en route during a blizzard. 

We also have an unassisted birth kit circulated in these parts by a doula friend and birth advocate, "just in case", which adds to the comfort level.  It has all the tools, tinctures, manuals, and instructional charts that we would need for a successful (normal and uncomplicated) birth on our own.  I would certainly rather be tended to by a midwife, though.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out -- I am feeling generally optimistic. 

Another wonderful thing to be thankful for is that Squeeze is home.  He saved two days off, just in case the baby came early, and the PTO cannot be transferred to 2011.  So we have a lovely 4-day weekend together. 

I'm so glad!  Lovely.

Over the hump, again

I'm feeling better again.  Thank goodness.

Writing about how I felt was very good for me yesterday.  So was writing about the warts.  Seriously.  It reminded me that there are other things going on in my life other than urinating, eating, grunting when I have to bend over, and the tightening of my uterus.

Which is happening a lot, by the way.  (All four.)

I also gave myself a good talking-to yesterday in the late morning.  Enough despair, I said.  Let's focus on the positive and make these last few days pleasant instead of miserable.  So, as it was beautifully sunny and 30 degrees outside, I suited up the boys and headed out.  They loved it. 

Then we ate lunch, read together, snuggled down, and both boys napped while I rested for a half-hour.  When I got up, I went into the gorgeously-lit sunroom and worked through a few things: sorting newborn clothes, writing up a birth plan, and bouncing ideas off my doula friend who is going to be here for the birth. 

It ended up being a pretty good day.

I have another appointment with my midwife today.  Let's hope it is the LAST.  Not because I don't want to see her, but because still being pregnant at this time next week might plunge me back into the pit.  And my due date isn't even until this Sunday!  What a wimp I am, having gone early with both boys.  I only expect the best!  And soon.

I've hit the wall, then a small wart remedy bunny-trail

PREGNANCY
39 weeks

My sense of peace?  Gone. 

I've tumbled into the end-of-pregnancy despair.  Just yesterday!  How can one week be so different from the last? 

I am not sleeping well -- that could have something to do with it.  I spent the hours from 1:00 AM to 5:00 AM in the hazy netherworld of wakefulness and half-sleep, having to get up and pee three times and up to eat once in that timeframe.

I want my body back.

I'm having a hard time, too, with squirrely little boys who are drawn to me with magnetic force and whose most joyful desire is to be doing all their happy games or wild play right next to me.  Or on me.  I am just so super-sensitive right now.  I don't want to be jostled, whacked, thumped, or hanged upon.  And, it seems that no matter where I am, or what I'm doing, it's happening.

I sound like such a crank.

I got out the newborn clothes yesterday.  And the diapers.  I'm mid-process with Truen's baby calendar.  I haven't touched the hem of the swaddling blanket or the mending pile. 

I cleaned out, washed walls, dusted, and vacuumed the entire downstairs bedroom last week.  It was so cathartic.  Upon closer inspection this morning, I saw a thin layer of dust on the vanity.  Despair!  Dusting really should be done once a week?!  Who has time for that?

WARTS
(I know, I know . . . such a shift of gears)

On the brighter side, we have been applying a homeopathic wart gel on Truen's five (count 'em: FIVE) warts: the giant one on his ring finger that he has had for over a year, the three smaller ones on the same hand and, the worst of all, the one he developed on his BOTTOM LIP this fall (a result of sucking on his big wart so much). 

And they are disappearing!  Shrinking, dying, falling off.  We started noticing change within a week and a half of using the gel.  What an easy and gentle remedy.  We sourced the gel from a compounding pharmacy in our area, on the advice of a friend.  It has been three weeks of application.

The wart on his lip is barely visible.  The one on his thumb actually fell off yesterday.  The two little ones on his hand have sunk back in and are no longer visible and the giant ring finger wart is turning brown and shrinking.

Victory!  We are so pleased.  And relieved. 

I mean, come on -- a lip wart?  Yikes.

39 weeks

There's a full-sized newborn in there!

Un-un-un-un

38 weeks

My sense of peace continues. 

I honestly feel like I am over the hump of late-pregnancy despair.  It feels so good.  Instead of feeling grumbly, I generally feel like myself, with the exception of having to urinate with unbelievable frequency.  I'm honestly wondering if the baby has engaged, because of how much I've had to use the bathroom this afternoon.  It has been every 10-15 minutes, with urgency.  I keep on feeling the top of my belly and it does seem lower.  ???

I still have a huge list of things I want to do before the baby is born.

• Dust the entire house
• Hem the new baby's swaddling blanket
• Finish my mending pile (something I only do once a year -- why?!  It's so easy.)
• Complete Truen's baby calendar (DOH.  Though all I have to do is organize and paste in pretty paper and pictures.)

And I can't remember the rest.  These are the most urgent, in my mind.  Dusting also probably happens maybe once a year.  I know.  Gross.

Meanwhile, I'm fine -- totally fine.  Not antsy, not miserable, not wishing the time away.  It feels so wonderful!

The midwife and her apprentice are coming tomorrow for an appointment, as well as my friend who is working on her DONA (doula certification) who will be attending the birth.  She'll be bringing her children Ava and Felix, so the boys are going to have a blast.

On a side note, Diego dreamt the other night that he wanted to marry Ava but couldn't tell her because he was too embarrassed.  He has plans to inform her of this tomorrow!  Cute. ♥

Get your Christmas bootie moving

Christmas in Killarney -- one of my faves.

I can't dance this year, but if I could, this would get my bootie moving.  Or jigging, as it were.  Isn't it fun?!  It's one of Diego's favorites too.

I ran into this YouTube video last year (I can't remember how) and I remember being very confused because these guys actually look like the voices they are doing.  It isn't them, though -- the song is actually by a real group called The Irish Rovers.  They have a Christmas album called An Irish Christmas that is a lot of fun. 

My other favorite Christmas song this year is It Came Upon a Midnight Clear by the Chuck Wagon Gang, but I couldn't find any vids of it to post.  Such a bummer.  I love the combination of their voices.

And now, da-da-da-DA!

One from old Squeeze:



Squeeze honestly loved this song as a kid.  I am NOT kidding.  He re-discovered it this year thanks to the radio station that plays at work.  "Perfect 80's pop fluff," he says.  Gag me.

Nearing the end

On my way to the midwife yesterday (after seeing the back-up doctor the day before), just sitting and pondering, I hit upon a sweet emotional state.

Peace.

And it lingers yet this morning . . .

I feel a complete sense of calm and satisfaction about being in the last stages of pregnancy.  Not anxiously wishing to have my body back (get this thing outta me!) or the physical discomfort that goes with it, but the special glow of understanding that these last few weeks are precious too.

For me, as a pregnant woman.  There is a full-sized newborn in there, with eyelashes, fingernails, and sweet toothless gums.  I already know its sleep-wake cycles.  It responds to outside stimulus.  I love feeling its little, pointy heels and firm little butt at the top of my belly.  I love wondering about it.

For me and my boys, in the last days of Two vs. Three.  What will the changes bring?  How will they respond?  Will I feel stretched?  Snuggling down into a nap, a very special time for us, is going to be very different.  I only have two arms, two sides.  Will I spend more or less time with them?  I remember the sweet hours of reading to Diego while Truen slept or nursed.  Will it be a similar experience?

Sunday is 38 weeks.

The cutest little snowman ever

Fire the Snowman
♥ Built by Diego ♥

That's so existential

I was having a lot of contractions today during Diego's Quiet Time.  It was probably the way I was sitting (somewhat slouched) while I was reading.  It was certainly uncomfortable, though not altogether painful.

Thinking about it later while I was cutting an orange for a snack for the boys, I looked at my reflection in the window, pondering childbirth, and honestly thought to myself, "I can't believe I'm pregnant."  And I couldn't.  Believe it.

How is that for surreal?  Almost 37 weeks pregnant, right at the end, sitting-in-a-puddle-pregnant, and I'm surprised by the reality that I am, in fact, pregnant.

Weird.

etc.

Things that have run through my mind to post recently . . . nothing much.

• I have finally come to the conclusion that I HATE DOING CRAFTS with young children. It's just a lot of stress, work, and hovering. Though I do like how it comes out in the end and that it pleases them.  Ugh, and I thought I appreciated the artistic process.
• I really, truly adore cabbage fried in bacon fat.
• I'm starting to feel a compulsion to nest. I'm not usually like this, but general disorder and clutter is really getting on my nerves.
• I went out and about 3 times last week and swore I wouldn't leave the house for the rest of December. I was whooped!
• I somehow miscalculated my weeks, and, after looking at the calendar last weekend, realized that I was 36 weeks pregnant, not 37 like I had thought. What's the diff in the end anyway, right?  But it was a major blow to my psyche.
• I am so proud of what good boys I have. They are thoughtful, take good care of each other, and generally listen very well. I see signs of their obedience all over the house; like when I ask them to put something away and, later in the day, I see it set nicely in its place.  I love them! ♥

Without a doubt,

I've got the pregnancy waddle by the evening hours.  Terrific.