Steady Days

I rarely take notes on what I'm reading, but the book I just read, Steady Days: A Journey Towards Intentional, Professional Motherhood by Jamie Martin, required it.

My notes pretty much sum up everything I've learned about the most important survival skills in mothering these six years:

Problem-solving and adaptability

Check it:

• Create a steady routine
• Be flexible and open
• If something is not working, there is a reason -- find a solution
• Adaptability -- things change, work towards keeping up with it all, which will include shifts in your plan of attack and/or solutions
• Find inspirations -- !!!  Yes.  An inspired mother will inspire her children.  (I'm happier when inspired anyway -- def.)
• Analyze what isn't working
• Be intentional and take a moment to decide
• Life with children: constant training and teaching without always seeing an immediate result
• Consider both the problem and the potential solution

The boy-ohs

 We use a wet rag to erease our chalkboards and realized

last Friday that we could do particularly fabulous outlines

when they press their hands and feet to the wet board.

Fun!  A perfect afternoon project.

 My BIL & SIL made these chalkboards

for the boys this past Christmas.

They are old metal serving (or lap) trays.

We use them a lot.

Little Stinky can't participate in the mini-art projects,

but he sure likes to EAT them.  Yum, yum.

In this case, one of Diego's

toilet-paper roll Daleks went straight into the yapper.

It was there for less than 20 second, I swear it.



So thankful

Jamie just started saying, "nya-nya-nya-nya" yesterday.  Over and over and over again.  He's obsessed.  It is the cutest thing ever.

Attempting a camera-grab

I am so thankful for a happy and healthy, wonderfully fat baby.  Sometimes I forget.  Seeing pictures on a blog I stumbled upon this afternoon, Be "THE HANDS AND FEET", hurts my heart. 

It shouldn't be like this.  Anywhere.  Ever.

Massive, a.k.a. "I just can't resist"

I have been collecting children's books from thrift and used book stores for many years, before children were even a tangible glimmer in my mind.  I picked out what attracted me -- books I knew from childhood, fairy tales, classics, beautiful/interesting illustrations, etc.

After 7-8 (or maybe 9-10) years, I have a whole lotta books.  A whole lotta.  Blaine quit saying, "What?  More books??" years ago.  I think he just gave up.

An "upstairs" bookshelf

(the behemoth)

To sum in up succinctly, we have a "sizable home library".

We have gotten many beautiful books as gifts from family and friends over the years as well (thank you so much, we love them).  We also participate in Dolly Parton's Imagination Library (a program to distribute children's books in economically-depressed areas), which sends one book each month, per kid, from age 0-5.  Some pretty terrific, others just kind of "meh".

So when a Friends of the Library book sale came up this spring, I started weeding through my collection.  I realized quickly that I would need to go through it several times to get everything, as it was too easy to just say, "Nah!" and put something back the first couple of times 'round.

I was finally satisfied after I went through every shelf four or five times.  I was ruthless and didn't let sentiment control me . . . and pulled out somewhere in the realm of 30-40 books.  Not too shabby.  (I did the book sale too, and some of them flew off the table.  Yesssssss.)

But that got me thinking.  Exactly how many books have I amassed over the years?  I knew it was probably in the hundreds, but I had never actually counted.  So I stewed over the idea for a few weeks, wondering, and finally got my chance to count them all out last week.  It was really fun.

Another shelf in the "book nook"

Novels and novellas

But first: I should clarify the locations of bookshelves throughout the house.  For the picture books, I have the blue monster upstairs and several other smaller shelves downstairs: one in the bedroom, one in the sunroom, and another (just one shelf) for the over-sized books in the living room.

Books for 9-12 readers and classic novels and novellas have two shelves upstairs and are intermixed in the rest of our books downstairs.  This reading level, btw, is what I've been focusing on the past couple of years while thrifting.  (Planning ahead, but I've also gotten much pickier with the picture books.)

So here are the grand totals.  Un-un-un-un.

• Picture books: 527
• Board books: 63
• Children's Lit: 159

I'm sure this will make my family and friends never want to bequeath another book upon us again, but please! don't let that stop you!  We love books.  We are thrilled by anything that is passed along.  Some of our favorites have come from others.

But yeah.  I think I might have gone over-the-top.

(But I know you know I don't actually think that.)

Skyscape

The sky in this part of the country is glorious, something I finally realized last summer.  (We have been here for four years next month, how can it be??) 

These beautiful skies are such a sight for sore eyes and soul.  In a part of the country where very little, if any, natural landscape exists, it is such a blessing to have such a breathtaking view above us.  It leaves me astounded.

On Monday night, as I was returning from my Friends of the Library meeting, where I saw a double rainbow (double rainbow!) I might add, I found Squeeze outside, camera in hand, running for the west-side.  How I love that about him. ♥ 

The sky was un-un-un-un.  Truly inspiring. 

June and July must be the season for tearfully happy, maddeningly gorgeous skies.

Behold ---

Facing west

Southeast

Northwest

West/Northwest

Southwest

(my favorite)

Southwest

Newborn blankie shots

I've been meaning to do this post since January . . . oh well, better late than never.

Look at all my sweet babes!  My MIL makes a special quilt-blankie for each of her grandchildren -- they are so special, I really love them. Neither of the boys have chosen it as their "special" blankie (for which I am thankful, because it would be in tatters by the time they turned 10) but we keep them around and use them frequently.

Lately I've been laying them across our gigantic queen-and-double patchwork family bed.  Or we use them as the play-area during an exciting game of Go Fish.  Or they snuggle down into them while we sit around and chat on weekend mornings.

Diego Kinder Dune

July 2005

Truen Jules Pumpkin

October 2007

Jamie Sterling

January 2011

Diego got the colorful FISH, Truen, the LION in autumn hues, and Jamie's is the sweetest little brown GIRAFFE.  (I'll have to post pictures of that later.) 

Gramma S. didn't have Jamie's blankie done by his birth day (the usual), because she was waiting to find out if he would be a boy or a girl.  She said that she was "going to really pull out all the stops" and make it the most ridiculously girly blankie she has ever done had he been female.

But, you know.  The Borealis men only shoot out little boys.  One girl per generation for the last four generations, and we already have our girl (Borealis cousin) this time around.

Not that I don't love my boys.

After seeing a few of 'em, I've come to the conclusion that we have one boy that looks like Blaine (Diego) and two boys that look like me (Truen and Jamie).  They certainly look like brothers, but Blaine got trounced in the gene dept.  Kind of sad, since I'm so ugly.  Ha!  Kidding.

Aren't my little darlings just darlin'? 

The Boy-ohs

Wow, three posts in one week.  That used to be the regular goal.  Now . . . it seems excessive.

All three of my boys are sleeping at the same time.  I suppose it probably happens about once a week, and you can imagine how I just revel in it.  It feels so good.  I mostly want to just sit and stare.

But I think I'll write an "update" on each of the boys.  I bet my parents and sibs would like that.  Shoot, I will too.

DIEGO:
Age almost-6
(July 30th)

• Re-obsessed with butterflies this summer.
• Love playing with and holding his baby brother.
• Never wants to take a bath alone, or much of anything else really -- he loves people and wants to be around them pretty much all the time.
• Though he does regularly become absorbed in picture books and Blaine's old comics for extended lengths of time.
• Loves to snuggle.
• Still loves to "touch my neck".
• Invites Truen to play by saying, "My guys are about to land and blow up your spaceship!" and anything else along that line.
• LOVES trying to make Blaine laugh -- I often watch him eyeing his daddy while pulling out the old one-liners (or whatever funny quip) to try and get a chuckle.
• Has recently started HATING to see people kiss.  Whether his parents or people in a movie, he is repulsed and will avert his eyes while yelling, "Nooooooo!"  (LOL, he also said he "doesn't like" Uncle Erik because he kisses Ashley.  Riiiiiiiight.) 
• He also told me yesterday that when he gets bigger and has a girlfriend, he's not going to kiss her.  Riiiiiiiiight.
• Is embarrassed by his new hair-cut.
• Is very obedient and helpful.
• Tends to get too wild (his main downfall, sound familiar anyone...?)
• Still says, "schickens" vs. "chickens"
• Has resurrected my favorite nickname of all time, "Truen HisBees".
• Frequently calls Blaine "Da" and in the past has called me "Shaw".
• Regularly pats me to show his affection (and as a reassurance of his love if/when he's upset).
• Favorite color: blue

TRUEN:
Age 3

• Told the Story Hour reading volunteer this week that "the only thing I know how to make is scrambled eggs" when she asked the group if they liked helping in the kitchen.
• He does love to help in the kitchen and makes the scrambled eggs (almost) by himself.
• Frequently shows me affection by kissing my arms.
• Will ask, "Is your armpit available?" when snuggling down for bed or a nap.  (He still loves touching my armpits, of all things.)
• Has been saying, "I want to be alone" when feeling cranky, and frequently re-emerges cheerful and pleasant once again.
• Has been saying, "I'm too tired to walk to bed" and absolutely LOVES in being carried. [Adjustment from being the baby...?  Wow, I just thought of that!]
• Absolutely loves being babied by his daddy.  Squeeze will croon and fuss over him (Diego too) and I can tell, that kid revels in it.  Not much of a snuggler, but that will tip him over the edge and get him nuzzling.
• Always wants to make sure his daddy knows if/when he is hurt.  Again, the "fuss-factor".  Loves it.
• Still wears a 2T (three-and-a-half years old).  Wears clothes that Diego wore when he was two.  Likewise, the baby (at 5 months) is wearing things that he wore when he was 10-11 months.  He's tiny.
• Has the cutest little chipmunk grin.
• Loves to play with his baby brother.
• Very keen on concocting "magic potions" of whatever powder/liquids he finds in the bathroom.
• Calls me "Ma" (no joke!)
• Adores banana chips.
• Favorite color: purple

JAMIE:
Age 5 months

• Very interested in our cats, loves to watch them and will reach out to touch or grab them if they come close enough.
• Wiggles ALL. THE. TIME.
• Pukes ALL. THE. TIME.
• Loves to grab faces and suck on them.
• Smells so good, like a fresh bale of hay.
• Loves taking baths.
• Will grab Diego's face (particularly at night, when he's tired), scream, and suck on it ferociously (latching on in that back-and-forth motion when babies are looking for a nipple).  This pretty much always ends in him (the baby) getting so amped up that the happy screams turn into crying-screams.  It is the weirdest thing.  Diego thinks it is hilarious.
• Sometimes hums himself to sleep.
• Loves to be wrapped (arm-swaddle).
• So soft and fat and sweet-smelling.
• Nicknames "Stinky" (pronounced "Schtinky") and "Voos".
• Wiggles and smiles if he even hears Blaine calling to him from a distance, gives HUGE grins when he sees him.
• Thinks his name is Stinky.
• Understands 6 words: milk, Dada, Brother, Toots/Bay (the cats' names), Stinky
• Takes four naps a day: Two 20 minute morning naps, one 2-3 hour afternoon nap, and another 20 minute evening nap.
• Nap locations vary.  First morning nap: swing.  Second morning nap: my arms/swing.  Afternoon nap: bed.  Evening nap: swing.  (We keep the swing in the kitchen.)
• Gives a HUGE grin as soon as he wakes up enough to look around in the morning.
• Wake-up calls sound like this: "Ahhhhh . . . maahhhhhh . . . awwwwwhhh"
• Loves the reverberations of humming while sucking on his fist.
• His feet go *boing*, up in the air, the second his diaper is off.  He loves holding his feet and sucking on his toes. (and this is actually how we have relatively-peaceful evening meals of late, by taking his diaper off so he can have easy access to his tootsies).
• Sits very well by himself (with supervision).
• Rolls over either way, but mostly to his left, and always starts the roll-over by grabbing his feet and laying on his side.

L M N Oooooooh

L M N O by They Might Be Giants, from Here Come the ABCs, a favorite at our house these days.  Highly recommended.  The songs are interesting and fun vs. a drudgery.  Better yet, both parents and kids enjoy it.   

They Might Be Giants also do Here Come the 123s, another fave.  You are all familiar, right...?

The annual hair-cut

I'm not the only one in this family to get my hair cut but once a year!  (A year-and-a-half this last time around, but who's counting?)

Diego's curls make it so easy not to cut because they look so cute.  Truen, on the other hand, with his straight hair, needs a regular trim.  As does Squeeze, who looks like a dandelion gone to seed when his hair gets too long.

 Before

After

Look . . . a butterfly!

I've been asking Diego if he'd like his hair cut since this winter and he has continued to say no, that he likes his hair long. I finally put the kibosh this past weekend on that and insisted on cutting his hair, due to ticks (yuck-a-roo) and the coming hot weather.

He doesn't like the way it looks, but I can tell he likes the way it feels.  I think it turned out pretty good.  Curls are so much easier to cut than straight hair.  So much easier.

Yadda Yadda Yadda

I don't have much in me today, but I do want to post more often than every week-and-a-half.  That just isn't enough!  (But it is so hard to find the time.)  Anyway, this will be a list-post because it is so much easier and I don't have to worry about cohesion.

• I love prunes.
• Note to self: when confiscating the obscene excess of Easter candy, don't let it sit in the bottom of your bag until it melts and congeals everything together.  Throw it out in when they aren't looking, say, 1-2 days after the fact.
• I got my hair cut when I was at my parents' house in Western WA.  I wasn't too pleased with it at first, since it wasn't at all what I asked for, but I am learning to like it as it grows out.  It was a good cut (just not what I thought I was going to get).
• I'm obsessing over Indian food again.  I ordered every cookbook by Madhur Jaffrey that I could find in our library system.  Next step?  Find the time to read them.  Right.
• We are going to order an entire hog from a local pig ranch in our are.  (Pig ranch?  Is that right?)  It will be an Ossabaw hog and I am going to ask for every last bit of it.  We love pork and the thought of being able to eat a heritage breed with NO ADDED CHEMICALS sounds so wonderful.
• Buying whole/half/quarter animals for food (not to mention butchering chickens) always brings into consideration what being a meat-eater actually means.  Moreso than buying meat at the store, I would say.  I think about that hog, and think about it as a living entity, destined to die and become food for my family.  That I (we) will be eating the entire hog vs. a nameless ham here or a unidentified slab of bacon there.
• I really love bacon.  And bacon fat.  And cooking with lard.  I can't wait to have my hands on some pig fat from a CLEAN hog.  Up until this point, I have only had access to lard from the butcher, which is probably from a conventionally-raised hog, which are some of the most antibiotic, drug-filled "farm" animals in agribusiness.  Poor things.
• We've eaten lettuce, radishes, chives, and scallions out of the garden this year.  That ain't much.
• We had our first truly warm day yesterday.  Actually, it was hot and muggy.  Spring has been a long time coming and now, all of a sudden, it is summer.  At least it felt like it yesterday.
• I might get to see the majority of my family next fall for my cousin's wedding.  Yessssssss.
• I cut off all my fancy long nails, they were too annoying and a lot of maintenance.  I like the way they look, my boys loved having their backs scratched by them, but whaaaaaaat?  I can't believe how much work they are!  Bah.  Back to the drawing board.
• As a result, many of my tender fingertips dried up and cracked open.  Yeeeeouch!  That hurts.  Ladies, is this normal?
• I am finding our home to be more homey and desirable as the years go by.  It is nice.  I like feeling like this is my house, not someone else's house that I just happen to live in.  It seems like I have felt that way since we moved here.
• I suppose it helps that we finally rearranged the living room satisfactorily, where it verges on looking nicely put together.  And with that, we hung our wall-hangings were we wanted them, instead of on the pre-existing nails. 
• It feels really good.  I like looking around now.
• FACT: Our living room (the "addition" that was added in the mid-80's when the home owner was paralyzed in a car accident) is the size of our first apartment, about 600 square feet.  Very nice for children to romp around, but tell me -- how on earth can that possibly look cute?  It is really hard.
• FACT: We've lived here for 4 years next month.  Yowza.  How is that possible??  Has time really gone that fast?  We have now lived here for the same length of time that we did at our house in S. Minneapolis.  And I cried so hard when we left there.
• I'm reading The Pioneer Woman Cooks.  Holy smokes, a lot of her recipes leave me drooling.  (Aside from using way too much white flour and worse, vegetable shortening.  I'd rather use the real deal.  LARD.  White flour can be subbed just as easily, but still.)  I like that the food she presents is so simple, and a lot of what "your average folk" eat (or ate growing up).  And I really like that her recipes are hearty.  Yo, it gets the stomach growling.
• Often, when Stinky is nursing, it is like his left-hand is alive and jealous of my breast, working evil.  Somehow, it is always creeping in . . . fighting for the space, trying to get in his mouth, and he has to decide whether to drink milk or suck on his thumb.  It mostly happens while he is sleepy, so it really is like his hand has a mind of its own, taking advantage of the situation and its hapless prey.  (We're talking about a hand here.  A baby's hand.)  It has made me laugh so robustly that it actually startled the poor babe and diverted the malicious intentions of his rogue left-hand.  Argh, matey.
• I better close up shop . . . this list is getting long.
• I think I'll post some pictures of my boys.  See below, sisters.

Como Park with Unky Brent

Poor Diego cried on the carousel the first time 'round.

He was on a horse and thought he might fall off --

Riding in the sleigh was much, much better.

(Though he did wonder if he could fall off that too.)

Truby was unfazed by the carousel.

He wasn't bothered by it last summer either --

and he rode all by himself then

(with me standing next to him).

Doppelgangers.

Everyone in my family says that

Jamie looks like Brent when he was a baby.

"I see Brent," is pretty much the word on the street.

(Check out Stinky's monster socks!)

The Great Memorial Day Weekend Garden Blitz

We attacked the garden with unrelenting force for three whole days last weekend and ended up with something we are very, very proud of.

Goodbye weeds! Goodbye horrors! Hello gorgeous future-garden.

We look at it as an investment. If one doesn't gain control of the garden at the very start, when the plants are still tiny babies, you will spiral out of control with embarrassment and spend the rest of the summer wrestling with weeds. It is a battle worth fighting. A battle worth an 18-20 hour investment over a (formerly leisure-filled) 3-day weekend.

 BEFORE

Green! Weedy! Unsightly!

AFTER

Brown! Brag-worthy! Packed with potential!

Squeeze did the bulk of the work, but I came out in force during the baby's long afternoon nap. We are the perfect workmates in a garden, even in weeding. I like the big stuff, like thistles (which he hates), and he gets a charge out of eradicating the teensy things, like crab grass babies (which could put me over the brink of pathos).

Perfect! Go get 'em, team.

Say it isn't so

Four words:

PROJECTILE VOMITING.  Every day.

If he didn't act so perfectly normal and happy, I might seriously wonder if there was something wrong.  Neither of my other boys ever had this problem and I now consider my past-self lucky. 

I've learned to dodge the vomit by leaning forward or to the side when I know it's coming.  When I don't realize it is on it's way . . . we are get totally covered in yellow fermenting milk curds.  You know the smell.

As my older boys say these days, "Oh yeah!"

Who me?

It's GO time

Meh meh meh
Blah blah blah

That's how I've been feeling the last couple of days.  I haven't really been able to put my finger on it exactly, until I realized, OH YEAH, it's because Blaine has been outside working every night until dark.  Yeah, yeah.  That's right.  Until dark.  Every day this week.

It's getting old for me and I know it is tiring for him too.  (And especially hard on both of us with the babe.  Me, needing a break, and him, missing him.)  I have to keep remembering that this is seasonal, and it will end.  It will.  But it might be another month. 

It is raining today, so I'm hoping he won't duke it out with the forces of nature and insist on planting the tomatoes tonight.  I'm pretty sure he won't.  And Lord knows we all need a break.

It is temporary.  Just temporary. 

I have to remember that.

I'm also in the middle of a massive Friends of the Library fundraising glut, where four events are converging in the space of three weeks.  (June is apparently GO! Month.)  Since I am the main organizer, that means I am doing things like recruiting all the volunteers and trying to figure out how many gallons of cole slaw are needed to feed 100 people.  (Five gallons, can you believe it??)

The cole slaw is what is needling me the most, actually.  I can't wait to have that conundrum behind me.

While I'm at it, I might as well insert some outright bragging --

Our Friends of the Library group has been in existence for 2.5 years now.  We have bought 4 different bookshelves for the library, spent somewhere around $600-700 in new books for the collection, and still have $4,000 in the bank. 

Yow.  We rule.

Crikes

Holy smokes, our Little Jamie is only 4 months old, not 5 months old like I (literally) thought at the beginning of the month.  (Did anyone catch that?)  Is this proof that he is my third child or what??  I can hardly keep track.

I suppose it doesn't help that he is 20 lbs (!!!)  and starting to sit up.  I was wondering why the other boys' baby calendars at 4 months didn't say anything about sitting up.  Geez louise.

Baby in Red

20 lbs, I know.  Insane.  What a lunk.  At this age, Diego was 19 lbs and Truen was 14 lbs.  It's like two fat sausages encasing a strip of bacon.  Yow, they are (were) big.

In other news, why do babies smell so wonderful?  I could take in all his scents forever, right down to the sour neck, which I've had so much trouble keeping tame this time around, and has earned him the nickname "Stinky".  I swear this kid will never know his real name.

Fat Stinky and his wittle giwaffe

Spring garden notes

We have had an extremely chilly spring this year.  Comparing this year to last, we are almost one month behind.  Yowza.  That's a big difference.  We were actually eating out of the garden at this time last year.  Aside from a chives, scallions, and a bit of lettuce, even a radish is a far-out dream at this point in time.

I've decided to do a pictorial tour of our garden this spring, to give people an idea of what it looks like at the beginning.  It ain't pretty.  In fact, viewing it from a distance is downright disheartening.  It looks like nothing -- scallions poke up from the dirt like little pine needles and fully planted beds look like nothing more than dirt patches scattered with a couple of measly leaves.

But come late June, it will be gloriously beautiful.

Blaine planted seeds in flats in January and February.  With heat mats and a little bit of sunlight and/or artificial lighting, they get a good start for summer.  He starts pretty much everything inside by seed, with the exception of winter/summer squash, melons, and cucumbers.

WAITING

"Hardening off" in flats behind the house:

cabbage, broccoli, onions, scallions

Hardening off = acclimating them to outdoor temps & sun

Only the cool-growing stuff could be planted at first

(this was taken a little over a week ago)

On the left: little tiny celery

On the right: sticks in ground, ready for peas

Far-back: potatoes

Waiting inside until warmth descends upon us:

Tomatoes, peppers, tomatillos, eggplant

PLANTING

The bulk done 5/7 and 5/8

 Opening up the asparagus bed --

The strawberry bed is on the other side of the garden entrance

The East Garden in background

and beyond that is the commodity crop fields.

 The East Garden: south side

Garlic (coming up under straw & leaves)

Beds of lettuce, scallions, onions, green beans

The boys' mini-gardens are the beds on the far-right --

Truen can't wait to plant his "wallermelons"

 The East Garden: north side

It may be hard to see, but this is entirely planted.

Foreground: celery, peas

Middle: broccoli, cabbage, chinese cabbages

Background: potatoes

The East Garden: midsection

kale, chard, spinach, mustard, lettuce

The grass paths are proof of last summer's insanity.

We over-extended ourselves and just couldn't keep up.

It was ugly.

At this point in time, the East Garden is almost completely planted.  The only things left are the heat-loving plants -- peppers, tomatoes, tomatillos, eggplant,  and one melon variety.  We planted, and I kid you not, 200 cabbages on Sunday.  That is a whole lotta sauerkraut!  I'm excited about it.

The West Garden, which is a little smaller than the East, will have all of our heat-loving vining plants -- winter/summer squash, melons, cucumbers, gourds, etc., and a couple of rows of sweet corn.

We are feeling much more under control this year.  I am actually able to participate for several hours each day on the weekend, with the baby's long afternoon nap.  I feel good (unlike last year with pregnancy) and the older boys are big enough to entertain themselves in the garden while we work.  Other than that, I do small tasks like water plants, gopher tools, seeds, and seedlings, bring out water and snacks, that kind of thing. 

Being able to talk and laugh while we plant has been fun.  It makes the tedious nature of the task (particularly those pine needle-like scallions!) much more pleasant.

I am so very glad we both have an interest in gardening -- I've thought many times of the impossibility if it were just one or the other.  It would be just too much. 

What a good team. ♥

Holy smokes

I've been saying holy smokes! in my head a lot recently.

Examples are as follows:

• Holy smokes!  You're 5 months old already?!
• Holy smokes, no wonder why you can almost sit up.
• Holy smokes!  Diego should be in the 6-8 year old Story Hour at the library this summer because he's going to be 6 in July?!  Where has time gone?
• Holy smokes, when was the last time I took a shower?
• Holy smokes!  I haven't posted on my blog in over a week!
• Holy smokes!  I have outstanding emails I need to respond to that are almost as old.
• Holy smokes, it is cold outside.
• Holy smokes, I'm so thankful for another sunny day . . . finally.
• Holy smokes, when is this kid going to nap?
• Holy smokes!  Why do I have to get up at 6:00 AM again??  Oh, you -- peed the bed, didn't go back to sleep after nursing, or desperately need a snack.
• Holy smokes, is Quiet Time already over??

And so on and so forth. 

(I should also add that things have finally normalized around here and I feel mush, mush better.  Oops, I mean much, much better.)

Pictures of the little tykes

 Easter egg hunting at G&G S.'s house

(Does this look like a Minnesota spring or what?)

 Nuzzling with his little giraffe toy

and almost too big for his 6-9 month sleeper

(I love that lower lip)

A towel-ed head

He's finally talking about getting his hair-cut

(Just in time for spring)

It's been rough

I've crafted many-a-post in my mind of late with no time to get at the computer, but now my mind is a pile of mush.

Mush, I tell you.

We are on the mend around here.  Ear infection, conjunctivitis, rumbling bowels, a slight cold, and the in-grown toenail have all been stamped out and/or healed.  Thankfully.  We have been home two weeks today and things are just starting to feel normal again.

But I still feel strange. 

I honestly feel like I am still recovering from the week-long unrelenting grind and nasty-screeching-whinefest that was Truen's ear and eye infections.  (Nothing was right, everything was wrong -- my jaw was clenched virtually all his waking hours.) 

My patience is thin.  I am antsy and irritated.  I am here, but not really present.  Annoyed with my children.  Cranky.  Feeling like I can't catch a break. 

I've honestly thought things like, "What on earth did I get myself into??" in regards to motherhood.  (Regretting motherhood?  Almost 6 years into it?!)  I wish I could send them into a time vortex where I don't have to deal with them for a few hours.  Or days.

Isn't that terrible?  But I suppose every mother feels that way at one time or another.  I know I've felt this way before. 

In spite of everything, in the midst of it . . . while they are asleep and looking like little angels, I look at them and feel teary about how they are growing and changing and wonder if I am good enough for them.  What a paradox.

And I do know, even while feeling angst verging on despair, that I am in the midst of transition.  And that transition is often the harbinger of stress. 

The smaller transition of coming back into "real life" after three weeks away.  There is always a rough period of re-entry, which seems particularly hard for the 3 year olds.  I remember Diego being pretty hard to deal with when he was three as well (and he wasn't even sick).

And more importantly, the larger transition of adding a baby into the mix -- which definitely shortens the already-sparse freedom of mind and movement.  I'm trying to remind myself to slow down and enjoy my children instead of feeling overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the work that needs to be done.  It is hard not to feel bogged down by the almost-constant mess, even for those who are not naturally tidy.

I'll get over it.  I cannot wait to get over it.  I want to be a happy mama, not an unsmiling, short-tempered glum hag-of-a-bag-of-a-mama.

Perhaps a little spring and sunshine will help.  We have had ONE sunny day since I've been home.  Otherwise it has been snow (!!!), gray clouds, and rain.  Dreary, dreary, dreary.

In other (happier) news:
We started planting our garden this past weekend.  Potatoes, celery, and peas.  It is going to be a cold week with the lows in the mid-30's, so next weekend it will be radishes and lettuce. 

Last year at this time we had already eaten our first radish, which tells you how different this spring is from last.  Much, much colder.

With a dash of pinkeye

Add conjunctivitis to the list of maladies that has befallen us since we got home.  Truen.  He's at the tail-end of it (his ear infection too), but it has been a miserable few days. 

He is a beast when he isn't feeling well, a total beast.  Completely irrational and unreasonable.  He stretches me to the very end of my patience, leaving me totally sucked dry -- to the point of not even feeling sorry for him anymore.  It is terrible.

At least I was finally able to unpack yesterday.