Wah-woo [water]

Our water supply comes from something called Rural Water, meaning that we have water piped into our place for some kind of cooperative, rather than obtaining it from a well. Paying the Rural Water bill requires a little more work than our water bill in Minneapolis: we have to read the meter each month, do a little subtraction, and figure out the payment based on the charts vs. simply writing a check from the bill mailed to you.

The 5th of the month is the trigger date for checking the meter: so, one day late, as I was walking out to the water meter this afternoon, I realized that the distance to the meter was probably as far, if not farther than the end of our street in Minneapolis. It was a strange thing to ponder, how things change and yet can feel pretty much normal.

Chapped

It's Day 6. I'm still uncomfortable -- it isn't pure torture like this weekend was, but it is still quite unpleasant. My friend told me it took her a couple of weeks. Many, many days. A fortnight, maybe more? I can't wait to balance out a bit and feel more normal.

This post might be entirely dedicated lips and chapstick.
Very interesting....right.

Starbeans didn't nap today, so it was go-go-go. I guess it kept my mind off my lips. A little.

Non-chapstick related news: While Starbeans and I were snuggling this morning [we snuggle every morning when we first wake up], he said, "Potty...potty...potty". We went straight to the bathroom, stripped down his [dry] night diaper, and he proceeded to pee on the pot. Excellent, little man. Excellent.

A visual

Squeeze took this picture this morning before he went to work. Isn't it lovely? I can actually appreciate the corn, based on this photo. The yellowness is quite stunning in contrast with the green of the [weeds] lawn. And see the wind towers in the background?

Chapstick: MY ENEMY

I haven't used any kind of lip balm or chapstick since last Thursday night. I am a warrior; I am a trooper; I'm not giving in. The only thing that I've used within recent days has been vitamin E on my poor lips, which have been chapped to hell and back. Literally.

Friday was spent licking my lips almost continuously. Note to self, and any others kicking the chapstick habit: DO NOT LICK YOUR LIPS!! LEAVE THEM ALONE!! YOU WILL CREATE MAJOR HAVOC AND DAMAGE!! I'm serious.

Yes, my lips were chapped beyond belief -- like, I've been picking bits of dead skin off of them, they've bled in spots, and I have a couple of minor scabs. Do NOT lick your lips. I also had sores on the inside of my mouth (around the inside of my lips) from my teeth, from bringing them in to lick. Oh man, was it disgusting; but thankfully, the wounds healed after a day.

I've been so focused on my mission that it took my good friend Mimi saying, "You haven't considered using any alternatives in the meantime?" to have the light bulb slowly flicker on and realize that, yes, I can use vitamin E to soothe those poor, dry, chapped suckers. Quite literally. Rubbing my lips together pre-vitamin E was not unlike rubbing sandpaper together. Thanks Mimi! It is good to have a little outside influence into the mania of quitting an addiction. My brother compared it to quitting smoking, with how much I've been thinking about it. The vitamin E has been quite soothing and I actually feel a little more human after using it.

It will be interesting to see how long this actually takes to get out of my system. I'm on Day 5, and this girl isn't giving in. The saga continues...

Hooked

I'm thinking about breaking my addiction to chapstick/lip gloss/lip balm/blahblahblah. Now. Today. I am so sick and tired of slavishly looking for it 25 times a day and feeling uncomfortable and out of sorts if my lips are dry (which is all the time). It is a curse!

I had a friend years back, when I wasn't ready to quit the addiction, who quit cold-turkey. She just stopped. She said it was a couple of weeks of torture [GAK!!], but hadn't used it since. I'm seriously considering joining her ranks and saying, "Enough!". I've had enough. At one point in high school, when I thought it was really cool to put lotion on my hands and legs -- was I the only one? -- I felt similarly about being lotion-less. But I eventually got sick of that, too, and quit. Now I use lotion on a semi-yearly basis. I truly believe I can kick my chapstick addiction with similar results. I mean, really -- were our bodies built to be enslaved to petroleum-based products slathered on our lips? My bet is NO. And is it even good for us, to have that soaking in through our skin and/or swallowed all day long? I doubt it.

But the question begs to be asked: can I handle it? Can I take the 1-2 weeks of sheer mania? I...I...I...I think I can. I haven't put any chapstick on today, if that tells you anything. It is [unfortunately] one of the first things I do in the morning, right before bed, and in the middle of the night too. Oh, and after breakfast, and 20 minutes later, and a half hour after that, and...the list literally never ends. I'm sick of it!

Chapstick, I'm done with you!! I think. [Gulp]

Min-ee Yoder

Here's my boy with his new dump truck shirt, his cousin - "Yee-vi", and his favorite construction vehicle of all time - the mini loader. They look a little dumbfounded, but they were more interested in looking at the loader than posing for a picture. I swear, they were very excited about it!

It is really unbelievable to me how these boys are obsessed with vehicles of all kinds. Both of them were shouting out the names of every big truck or tractor we saw on our trip. They are really, really obsessed. I can remember my nephews being crazed about trains when they were young (which is also on our list of favorites). My SIL said that my nieces might have turned their heads toward the rumbling of a loud vehicle, but that was pretty much the extent of their interest. Nature vs. Nurture -- it is so interesting! Since Starbeans has had opinions about toys, our collection of vehicles has grown from zero to plenty. I'm fascinated over the fact that he generally wasn't given anything gender-specific until he starting asking for it. How is that?? Nature.

Interestingly, I found the dump truck shirt at a thrift store a couple of weeks ago -- it is his first vehicle boy-boy shirt ever. I knew he'd love it, so I picked it up; and sure enough, it has become his favorite shirt, one that he proudly shows off. That's my boy!

Oh my!

I am so pleased. I don't even care that Starbeans is skipping his 3rd nap in 4 days (although, I admit - I do feel a little mournful over this in spite of everything). Why, do you ask? Because, the kid said, "Potty, Mama, potty" and proceeded to pee in his potty chair after I bolted from the bedroom, brought the potty chair in, and ripped off his diaper. [We had previously been attempting to settle down for a nap.] I am so proud. I even considered saying (to save the nap), "Oh, you have to go potty?" and then leaving it at that, but thought otherwise. Consistency, woman!

It seems like the circuit is connecting more frequently. Sure, he's peed in the potty chair only a few times in the last couple of weeks; sure, he's pooped on the big potty only once in the last couple of weeks: the point being, it isn't every day, or even every other day. But, and here's the big ole BUT: he's communicating the urge. It seems to me that is the key. I am pleased even when he tells me, "Potty, Mama" or "Poopy, Mama" after the fact. At least the child is aware of what is happening. That seems to be the first step -- with the gradual move towards going consistently on the pot. I really hope this is our progression. I am very ready to stop cleaning out poop diapers, especially. YUCK. Talk about revolting.

Ultrasound Results

• The babe is around 4 pounds
• Estimated due date: 10/28
• Head-down position (we already knew that)
• NO PLACENTA PREVIA -- the placenta is in a fine position, along the side
• We still don't know the gender

It was very fun to see the wee one inside. We got a couple of really good shots of the face - the eyes, chin, & nose - as well as getting to see it move. It was quite a different experience, having an ultrasound at [almost] 32 weeks vs. 21/22 weeks. The baby was so much bigger and took up a lot more space on the screen. It was fun to see it move correspondingly with what I could feel. And, of course, it was so, so cute. Squeeze was able to take the morning off from work and we left Starbeans home with the Borealis grandparents, so we had a leisurely viewing.

I really liked my back-up doctor. This is the first time I had seen a male OBGYN; he was very cool; in fact, aside from my Nurse Practitioner in Minneapolis, the best doctor at an OBGYN clinic I've seen. He out shined the rest, by far. When we parted ways, he said, in the friendliest of tones, "Let's hope we don't see each other again!" [Although, I will be seeing him again, because I'll be bringing in the new babe for the initial check-ups, record of birth, etc. I wonder if he'll put up a stink over choosing not to vaccinate?]

11:11 and Borealis Grandchild #11

I swear that I've looked at the clock at 11:11 almost every day this week. Today and yesterday, for sure. Probably the day before that, too. I even looked at 1:11 this afternoon. It is uncanny how frequently it happens. I swear it!

My SIL & BIL are in Guatemala meeting and picking up their 13 month old daughter this week. All the kids are at my MIL & FIL's house while they're gone. [Bummer, though, because Starbeans caught Squeeze's cold and there is no way I'm going to spread it around. He's got lots of energy, but the snot and sneezing is copious. We might get to see them later in the week.] My new niece is a half-sister (by blood) to their son, also adopted from Guatemala. The birth mother requested that she be placed in the same home, if possible. We are pretty excited about her: she is fat and chubby and almond-eyed, just like a baby should be. Her hair is dark and she's got rolls, baby, rolls. I love that.

Their process was slowed down pretty badly by governmental issues [Guatemala is considering nixing international adoption] and they've been waiting for over a year to finally pick her up. The whole family is very relieved and pleased that she is finally coming home: we've been waiting a long time! I must say, though, that amidst all the excitement, I'm also saddened by the heartbreak she will inevitably go through. Now that I've had a babe of my own, I have a fuller understanding of one year olds. A one year old knows who they belong to. It is going to be traumatic for her to be separated from her foster family -- I could cry thinking about it long enough. It takes many months to acclimate, if not longer. I'm just glad she'll be too young to remember the trauma. The poor babe. I really am excited, though! We've all been waiting a long time for her to come home. It will be good to finally have her as a physical part of the family.

It's dreamy

We just found the best book at our library: Flotsam by David Wiesner. It is amazing; really. Amazing! Starbeans asks to read it ["'Nother book, Mama"] several times a day and I find myself getting lost in it every time we page through it.

There are no words, only illustrations, so there is a lot of flexibility with attention to various details. It is wonderfully fanciful and I...I...I...just love it! Even if you don't have a child to read it to, I highly recommend checking it out from your local library. It would be worth your time. I am completely smitten.

Because I know you were wondering...

My most-used kitchen utensil? Without a doubt, the cheese grater. I use that sucker every single day.

Disdain

I've been making a mental list of the things I don't like about living in SW Minnesota, rurally or not. But, for the record, I live on a 15 acre farmstead a number miles north of "town".

• The humidity is outrageous. Literally. Papers curl, even books pages are wavy; this scares me a bit, as I am afraid that our books will be ruined. Is it possible?? In addition, I can't get 4 out of the 6 most used drawers in our bedroom furniture opened or closed. I am not kidding!! We bought them at an antique store years ago and have had nary a problem until moving out here. I can't get them to budge. I'm hoping that once the summer (errr...humidity?) ends, everything will go back to normal. Oh, and a lot of the doors don't shut properly, either. All the wood is swollen. Bah!
• The flies and mosquitoes are enough to give you full-body shudders. I'm not kidding! There must be a fly boon around here, because all of a sudden, they are everywhere. In the house, in the car, swarming. I must have killed 10-12 of them yesterday inside our house. How are these buggers getting in?? The mosquitoes aren't so bad anymore, but that first month we were here (July), you couldn't go outside at all in the evening or near any kinds of trees/bushes/grass during the day. It was sick. I hate mosquitoes.
• As previously posted, the small-town public library is a blow-out. I don't want to be too harsh, because I know they are wheeling and dealing with less money; but it is quite a shock to the system to go from urban and suburban library systems [which I now know are outta this world] to a one-room small-town biblioteca. Seriously: shocking. I don't think I'll ever be able to browse the shelves again. My only salvation is inter-library loans, which, by the way, I was able to easily request two books I've been looking for: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by my girl Barbara Kingsolver, and Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon. The second of the two, granted, is coming through MNLink; but the Kingsolver book was sitting on a shelf, available to me, in my own library system. I thought that was a little strange -- I figured I'd have to put it on hold and wait a few months.
• Bugs again: The crickets are insanely loud -- 24 hours a day! I'm not kidding. The chirping of crickets is a constant background noise. It used to be a night-thing only, but they've upped it to high-gear and are going for bust. I suppose they need to mate ASAP. I actually really enjoy insects, so please don't think I'm a bug-hater. I suppose I'll just get used to it.
• The birds are insanely loud -- at 4 am. No more sleeping with the window open (or, at least, not all night). The birds wake up with gusto and sound like they are flapping their wing and hollering with the excitement of being up for another day. I suppose the small-operation milkers enjoy this, as it might help them wake up. But me? I'd rather be sawing logs at 4 am.

Other than that, I've made some observations on things I didn't know about before. Like, for instance, bigtime corporate "farms". Dairy farms, in particular (although there are enormous barns filled with chickens and pigs that never leave their pens either). I love milk. I can't help it -- it is so wonderful. But to see where your milk comes from when you buy the regular super-market milk is a little disconcerting. Why? Because it has been milked from cows who never, ever leave their enormous barns. They stand there, on cement floors, with hundreds (if not thousands) of other milking cows all day long. Every time we drive by, they have their heads through the bar-things (yes, I know a lot about barns...LOL), eating. They don't go out. It doesn't look like they even get to move much. I've recently read that conventional milk cows live only a few years before they become hamburger, specifically because their legs give out from the stress of their living conditions. From what I've seen, I believe it. Maybe someday I'll be able to take a tour of one of them [the sign says visitors must check in at the main office] and be able to tell you more up-close observations. I think that would be fascinating.

Meanwhile, I'm going to work towards my goal of locating a small dairy in the area to buy milk from. One of the neighbors up the road is a bee-keeper and from what I've heard, she is the person to ask about natural food connections. Her name is Walentyne (pronounced Valentina), she is Polish, has been bee-keeping for who-knows-how-many-years, and is in her early 80's. I'm excited to meet her! The lady across the street said that she would bring me over to meet her soon. [I don't think I've mentioned her -- she's a couple of years older than me and has twin 3 year old boys that Starbeans is wild about. We have been hanging out once a week, which has been very nice.] I'd like to glean as much knowledge from an old-timer as possible; especially a bee-keeper. Doesn't that just seem so much more thrilling??

The toothbrush solution

I am finally able to brush Starbeans' teeth. Finally! I've been trying for probably a year, but he keeps that snapper shut. I haven't wanted to turn it into some kind of traumatic situation, so he'll equate brushing his teeth with some kind of terrible experience, so I've been pretty laid back throughout this whole time -- trying to get in now and then, but not going overboard and turning it into a nightmare for both of us. [By the by, Squeeze used to take weekends and summers off from brushing his teeth when he was a kid. Gack!!]

He "brushes" his teeth twice a day, during his morning bath and before he goes to bed. [I give him unfluoridated toothpaste, so I don't have to worry about him eating it; I feel much more secure that way. Tom's of Maine Silly Strawberry.] He loves brushing his teeth himself, which mostly consists of him chomping on the brush and pretending to spit. But until this week, I've had only a handful of opportunities to brush those pearly whites myself. And I am so pleased to announce that I finally found a tactic that works!

The solution:

I found a kiddie toothbrush at our co-op in Minneapolis this weekend. It is small, cute, and the package had a butterfly on it (which he loved). So, for the last few days, I've been giving him his old toothbrush, which has a bear on it, for him to brush his own teeth first. It is totally mangled and probably worthless because he's chewed on it so much, but it's his toothbrush. Like he knows the difference! After he loses interest, I get out his new butterfly brush, act all excited, and tell him that this is the toothbrush I'm going to brush his teeth now, with his (gasp!) new butterfly toothbrush!!! How thrilling!

He totally buys it.

He has let me brush his teeth twice a day since I tried it, and I've even gotten a little chunk of oatmeal out and said, "See this food? That is why we brush our teeth -- to make them clean!" (He smiled in response and actually looked interested and proud.) It works on two different levels, as well: because he can't chomp the new toothbrush to smithereens, it is effective in the actual cleaning of his teeth (unlike the old one, which could be cleaning faucets right now).

I am so pleased. I really hope this isn't just a 3 day fluke. Mamas, don't tell me it is!

News

My midwife and her apprentice came to our house today for our prenatal appointment: I have good news and unsettling news.

First, the good news:

• I am measuring right on target (up until this point, I was measuring a bit large). I suppose this could be considered neutral news, but I was pleased nonetheless.
• My leukocyte count was down to +25 from +500 last month. Not eradicated, but genuinely improved. I'm so glad, because I was starting to get disheartened with my slim-to-none carb & fruit diet. This gives me the drive to continue forth with renewed zeal. I am also starting to take Zymex in addition to my mondo probiotic. Let's kick some yeast-booty, Borealis.

Then, the unsettling news:

• The midwife noted that the placental tones are low in my uterus: she heard them all along the under-side of my belly. This could possibly indicate placenta previa -- a condition that requires a c-section for delivery, no exceptions. It is caused when the egg implants too low in the uterus and the placenta blocks the baby's way out. If the placenta comes out first, the baby dies from lack of oxygen. Enough said.

The midwife recommended that I have an ultrasound completed at the appointment with my back-up doctor (already scheduled for next Tuesday); through that, they will be able to see clearly whether I have an issue with or not. More than likely, I do not have this problem; the ultrasound's purpose would be to confirm it either way. Here's to hoping for good news! [My goodness.]

While the health and life of the baby is obviously the most important [duh], it would be devastating for me to have my baby through c-section. I would feel as if my powers were stripped from me, not to mention the fact that it is major abdominal surgery. I think this is a common reaction for women who have had c-sections (from what I've read). I know that it doesn't truly de-frock women of anything, but I can't help but feel mournful over even the potential of the event. I will try not to think of it over the next week -- there is no use worrying.

We were in Minneapolis over the past weekend; picking up the birdbath we left behind, going to stores we don't have access to in the Rolling Prairies, hanging with our BILs, SILs, nieces, & nephews, and attending Squeeze's 2nd cousin's wedding. It was very good to be back, if only briefly. I feel a firm emotional attachment to Minneapolis and while we've only been gone for approximately 2 months, I honestly can say I felt like I was home. I felt like that when we returned as well, once we got to our house. My heart is divided, but I don't feel stressed by it -- I think I actually like it. We stayed at our friends' house (they were out of town) and it was a wonderful, wonderful weekend.

Plumb disappointed.

Well! I over-cooked the plum butter; so much for my grand schemes and peacock-like vanity. It is so firm that it is more like candy than jam or butter. Sheesh. I followed the instructions, which indicated to cook it until it thickened, about 45 minutes. Well...my judgement of the appropriate thickness was after more like an hour and a half. Sheesh, again.

Needless to say, we were severely disappointed when Squeeze pulled it out tonight to spread on toast. Let's just say that there was no spreading. The stuff was unspreadable. I guess we all make mistakes, especially at the beginning of our journeys. Hey, hey, hey, that's me! Vain as a peacock and as silly as a goat.

Yesterday was 30 weeks. Only a couple of months to go!

Plumb Proof

Feeling proud of my Plum Butter, just as I thought. [Strange name, Plum Butter.] It came out to precisely 2 cups, as I predicted. Atta girl, Borealis.

She Laughs, Plum Butter, and YEAST

If you're looking for something to grapple with, please go to Carrien's recent post at She Laughs at the Days. I love this girl.

Meanwhile, I will continue to type out my usual fluff. Today I am making yogurt and plum butter. Squeeze's grandparents came to Southwestern MN for a visit this last weekend [they live in Western WI], bringing a gallon of fruit from their plum tree. The plums are extremely ripe; not necessarily good for munching on, so I thought I'd give preserving them a try. I won't end up with much - perhaps a cup or two - but I know I will still feel proud over my accomplishment. I hope to hone in on my food preservation skills over the years. It is so exciting to me, to know that I will actually have the chance to do this with fruits and vegetables grown on our own land. I don't think I ever felt this level of thrill with bought produce; I'm not sure why. Perhaps because I'd have to buy so much of it to actually do something big with it, or because I wouldn't have the fire under my butt of Use or Lose, or because I didn't work hard to get it, who knows. I can even see myself throwing over-ripe fruit away a few years ago, which my present-self is ashamed to admit. We travel many roads throughout existence, don't we? Always learning and changing...

In health news:
I am currently battling a systemic yeast infection. For anyone who noticed that my face has had a rash-like zit infestation on my chin (and then the bridge of my nose) for the past year, it was the yeast. Can you believe it? I have had virtually no vaginal symptoms, but my face has been a BIG problem. While I have a ruddy complexion, zits have been a rarity in my life until the last few years and extremely commonplace since last fall - especially the rash-like covering over my entire chin. It has been sickening and embarrassing; but because I've never dealt with yeast before, I was completely bewildered as to the cause. Within recent months, I have also had rawness along my upper gum line/inner cheek, with is another sign of a systemic yeast problem.

The last time I saw my mom (in May), she wondered of the potential of a yeast issue. I had been upping my B vitamins and taking acidophilus since the winter (in addition to the incredibly soothing apple cider vinegar baths), when I did have a vaginal yeast infection - which wiped that out, but did nothing for my face or mouth. Then, the last time we met with our midwife, she did a urine analysis that showed my leukocytes were raging - indicating a full-out yeast infection (again, with no vaginal symptoms). So I got serious. I've radically altered my diet over the last month -- zero white sugars [not much of a problem to begin with], virtually no fruit, very little carbohydrates. It has been terrible!! I didn't realize how many carbs I have been consuming: pasta, breads, cereals, corn, potatoes -- endless potatoes! And fruit! I miss fruit!! I can't have vinegar either, which I love. But all I was doing was feeding the yeast in my body. Ack. I am also taking a mondo probiotic -- no more wimpy acidophilus pills from the co-op. I went with a mega producer this time, with a number of strains of good bacteria. It cost a bundle (three times as much as what I was taking), but it will be worth it.

I have been eating a lot of brown rice, vegetables, eggs, yogurt, beans, cottage cheese, nuts, and some meats [I just can't hack too much meat, although I have made a killer buffalo meat loaf twice]. It has been tough, but I am seeing the results. My face is clearer than it has been in many, many months. The rawness in my mouth is disappearing, little by little. Seeing improvement has encouraged me in my daily battle of choosing what to eat. I have caved, but try to severely limit it; the carbs I have eaten have been spouted grain breads or whole wheat flour (in pancakes), and I have eaten some locally grown, stupendously delicious cantaloupe. Oh, and sour cherry jelly (alas, filled with white sugar) made by Squeeze's aunt on sprouted grain toast. It was divine.

I will prevail, you nasty yeast! Just you try to continue to thrive in my body -- you'll suffer a painful death from starvation, because I'm not feeding you. Good riddance!

My [first] cast-iron skillet

I bought my first cast-iron cookware this past week: a 12 inch skillet. [I can't believe I am so behind the culinary times, but it can't be helped.] I'm in love!

Good-bye toxic teflon, I won't be missing you. We are down to one small egg skillet and a waffle iron for teflon in our house (and have been for awhile). I plan to buy a small cast-iron skillet the size of Squeeze's beloved teflon egg skillet, and then begin the hunt for a cast-iron waffle iron. Then we will be teflon-free, hallelujah! In the case that someone may be unaware of the reason for my spite, it is because teflon releases toxic gases every time it is heated up; not to mention the icky flakiness of the non-stick coating as it ages AND the fact that the pans don't last very long or hold up to much intensity of use. Get it outta my house!

7 years

El fin

I stayed up into the morning hours to finish HP and the DH -- I knew I would just stay awake thinking about it if I stopped, so I threw caution into the wind and read like a maniac. I'm glad I did; it was excellent.

I kept the book near my side the entire day yesterday, reading it at any chance (Starbeans didn't nap, the rascal). It was very, very thrilling the whole way through. If anyone wants to talk about it, email me! I'm up for discussion. [I will be gone until mid-afternoon, though.]

Busy.

Can't post.
Can't write in complete sentences.
Can't think of anything but Harry Potter.
Can only read during precious naptime.
Must eat.
Must read.
Must stop waking up in the middle of the night, trying to figure out the plot.
Must continue to ignore spoilers.

Adios!

Cric-kets

The crickets seem to be working OT -- perhaps they chirp both day and night towards the middle-end of the summer?

Today is cool, so I am making chicken stock; it reminds me of the winter months, which led me to realize that fall is the only time of the year where I am not wishing it were another season. During summer, I wish it were fall or winter. During winter, I wish it were spring or summer. But during the autumn months, my, my, I'm thankful for every chilly-warm day I have. It is just lovely. Only a month to go!

And a month after that, I'll have a new baby...

Weird beyond belief.

Two years old

We had an almost all-week-long birthday celebration for Starbeans last week. We somehow rigged it so he opened one present a day, for four days (it was accidental, but it spread the fun out - and he's too young to care at this point). We sang Happy Birthday to him almost every day as well, which he loved. His birthday was last Monday, but here he was, last Friday, blowing out his candles for the family birthday party. He had so much fun (so did we). He is spending a lot of time singing, "Happy Day Day-go!" along with "Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle".

And yes, I made that yellow cake from scratch. I feel the need to brag! It was delicious; very buttery and the sweetness is much more subtle than boxed cake mixes. Down with the mix! Up with scratch, baby!!

Tragedy and Destruction

35W collapsed over the Mississippi River in Minneapolis last night - 64 feet above ground, 6:05 pm, rush hour, 50-60 cars on the bridge. I don't know how many times I've been over that bridge and never thought an ounce about it. Those poor people.

• Minneapolis Star Tribune -- various coverage
• Blanked Out -- Local blogger who lives right by the bridge, witnessed it all & participated in the rescue effort

Young Elderly Love

Remember me recently mentioning our 87 year old former neighbor, Wilburn? Well - he done got himself married this summer, the week before we moved no less. We got the invitation a week before the wedding; his sister and neice were informed the same week as we were, only he stopped by their house to tell them in person.

Wilburn n' Evy

Here they are, in all their wedding splendor. Aren't they cute? I really like how he wore a pink shirt to match her pink dress and I ADORE the outrageously large floral wreath adorning her head. It suited her so well; and it went with the cake, which I might add, was absolutely delicious and made by one of their pastors, Luisa. It was some kind of spongy peach something-or-other: tasty beyond reason.

Reflections on our new existence

It is strange how settled I feel here. It doesn't feel that peculiar to me to look outside and see barns and silos and corn. I find that fact to be very odd. After all, we've only been here a month! It might have to do with the fact that I lived with my parents in a semi-rural community for the last 5 years I was home; or perhaps it is because of all the reading and daydreaming I've done about living rurally throughout my existence; maybe it is because I spent many years visiting Squeeze's parents on their [former] 40 acres of woods in Wisconsin; or perhaps I am just unflappable. (I doubt it is that last option.)

Still: it feels, all in all, fairly normal. Sure, I've made trips to a farm to buy eggs and been appalled by the stench and filth of the way pigs really live. I also asked my neighbor today, who owns 50 ewes and 3 rams, "So you guys pretty much are Sheep Farmers, right?" Additionally, I can't identify the purpose of any of the differently-shaped barns or outbuildings. And I know I'll feel sorry for any kind of non-laying hen we may butcher in the near-distant future, no matter how good it may taste.

The point is, I like where I am. It amazes me. A month ago, when we were in the week-and-a-half limbo between closings, I wondered what on earth we were doing. Was I crazy? Did I really spend the last 6 months working towards this? Could I be happy? What were we thinking? For the record: even Squeeze, who has been scheming on this much longer and more seriously than I, felt similarly. It was the feeling of being uprooted, not being able to call anyplace home, that did it to us. We couldn't go back to Minneapolis, because someone was already living at "our" [their] house. We couldn't move into "our" farmstead, because someone was still living here in their home. It was a terrible feeling.

But now we are looking forward to the future with vigor; exciting plans unfold in our heads. Fruit trees, berrying bushes, and large vegetable gardens all dance in our heads. Squeeze recently discovered a cistern next to the nearest (and ugliest) barn. [15-20 years ago, our place was a fully operational hog farm -- the barn in discussion was specifically built as a farrowing barn. (The only reason why I know this term is because our neighbor told me.)] The barn itself is fully equipped with air movement, a heating system, and now, we've discovered, a cistern -- all key ingredients for a greenhouse. Furthermore, either of the dairy barns could be cleaned out and fixed up into retail barns; the chicken coop just needs to be aired out, cleaned out, and re-roofed; there are gooseberry and chokecherry bushes in the grove, waiting to be moved into a fully-lit location to burst forth with robust life; etc. etc. etc. We are very pleased with our new micro-environment. There is so much potential here; all it requires is a bit of scheming and a lot of work.

Gardens and gooseberries dance in our heads!

Feast and famine

We've been in some serious need of new dish clothes for many months now.

Case in point:

This dish cloth was actually used just yesterday. Seriously. Can you imagine wiping a toddlers after-meal hands with this? I did, yesterday. I wear my underwear into this state as well, as several friends can probably testify. I also hate shopping and I've been procrastinating because I'd like to buy some dish clothes that someone actually made rather than the boring rinky-dink ones (like above) that are Made in China. Or make my own. Or find some interesting old ones at a thrift store; but I think everyone pretty much wears theirs out, although perhaps not to the state of Example A. I've been getting rather desperate until today, when Squeeze unpacked yet another obscure box (this time, a wooden trunk from our 87 year old former neighbor, Wilburn).

In it was a gold mine of old bath towels, hand towels, kitchen towels, and dish clothes. Yesssss. We scored! Not only are they free and perfectly usable, but they are interesting, old, and carry sentimental value with their attachment to Our Wilburn. AND there is a pink kitchen towel with (of all things) a poodle on it.

Please feast your eyes:

Furthermore, we actually have the drawer space in our new house to keep them all together. In Minneapolis, they were divided up and only a few actually made their entrance into the kitchen. I am very pleased.

In other news, our town's library is as dismal as I first reckoned it to be. Not only is it one room, but it seems like a quarter of the kid's books are lame-o Disney stories and the adult selection consists mainly of grocery check-out romance novels, formula mystery & western novels, and (what I consider to be) the generally boring NY Times best-selling novels. Yawn. My favorite thing about libraries is to be able to browse amongst numerous interesting titles & covers and choose a book that intrigues me. I can honestly say that I was disinterested in every single thing I laid my eyes on. It was endless eye-rolls; I felt like a complete snob. I was plunged into an afternoon of despair on Saturday (in addition to not being able to avoid being the human jungle gym for Starbeans for most of the day). Ack - and this is what I have to resign myself to! Our home library is much more interesting than anything our public library has to offer.

Now, I know I can use the inter-library loan system; but like I said, I love being able to browse through actual books, not the catalogue. Maybe I'll get over it. (It's doubtful.)

Rid-dit!

I haven't posted a picture of Starbeans in quite some time. Here he is, with a frog his Dada caught for him. He was very pleased, as you might imagine. According to Starbeans, frogs say, "Rid-dit!". He will be 2 years old in less than a week. My sweet baby.

Belly picture

Here I am, at 27 weeks. Sorry about the cropped shot; I did it less for reasons of privacy and more for reasons of vanity. My head wasn't quite as cute as my belly and it therefore got the hack.

My mom sent me this dress today, along with another outfit. I am so glad, because with the last pregnancy I suffered in a few different shirts (hand-me-downs from a certain decade past) and a pair of too-hot rolled-down exercise pants. They just weren't me, but I wore them because they fit - and I would have suffered like that again. I hate shopping, except for thrift stores - and the maternity section at thrift stores is always horrific. [Not to mention the fact that it is almost impossible to go on a mission and find what you want when you want it; they are more of a snag-it-when-you-see-it kinds of places.] In addition, I prefer to wear dresses in the summer; I have a few skirts that still fit, but nothing substantial to speak of. And now I have this cute little ditty (of which Starbeans said, "Bubbles on it"). This, I like. Thanks, Mom!

No one can be more pleased than me; then a spiral into mournful reflection

I'm back!!!

It feels so good to be back online. I'll be posting much more regularly; probably every day, knowing all the thoughts streaming through my mind, with the earnest desire I have to stay connected with my cronies.

Here is a picture of our view from the north, taken last night. The field is corn; nothing but corn. The trees are part of what is called a "grove" out here. Before the land was conquered by Manifest Destiny, trees only existed along streams and rivers [maybe lakes as well?]. The grasses were so thick that little seedlings couldn't take hold, for reasons both of growing space as well as water. Now, most of the land is tilled and the ecosystem entirely changed [destroyed]. I've really been feeling quite mournful about it lately; it seems like nothing is left untouched by the Forces of Progress. I may seem quite naive in this arena, but I am only 29; I can imagine I'll be discovering life until I am dead. It isn't just the [out of control] expanding push of housing developments and strip malls that decimate the land. It is everything. It is people; and it saddens me. I am a part of it, because I am human.

A sea of corn

Nonetheless, the view is lovely. There are a couple of other farms in the distance, as well as a smattering of wind mills. The locals call them Wind Towers. Electricity producing, wind-propelled wind turbines. We live in an area called Buffalo Ridge, which is said to be one of the windiest spots in the midwest, maybe even the country (I need to do a bit more reading on that). There are literally hundreds, maybe thousands of wind mills throughout this area; they turn as the wind blows, which, I've noticed, can come from any direction on any given day. Maybe this is true everywhere?

Anyhow, it is electricity powered by nature. Quite exciting, although I must admit that they mar the beauty of the landscape. I'll have to take pictures of them closer up, so you can see what I'm talking about. This picture is exceptionally dark, as I took it last night, although my digital camera, which has come from the Age of Dinosaurs, has been dropped one too many times -- which may also be contributing to the picture quality. We are planning to buy a new camera in August (I can't wait).

I'm off!!! I need to get to the bank and the grocery store before Starbeans' nap.

Countdown

We will finally be connected back online this Wednesday. I can hardly wait. My most used tools for communication - email and blogging - have been all but wiped out for a month now. It is miserable! I'm at the library, again, of course; two women have referred to Starbeans as a little girl, even when the children with them recognize him as a boy. It is interesting how socialization seems to play a role in identifying gender. Because he has long curly hair, all the adults think he is a girl; but it seems like this kids know better.

This week, Starbeans has said, "The end!" when we've finished books; and, "Tow truck, ere aow ooo?" [Tow truck, where are you?] when looking for his self-fashioned "tow truck" made from a piece of toy fencing and a fire truck. The surprises never end; although I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised. 'Tis the season, after all: he'll be two in a week or so.

We are going to see our midwife today. I haven't seen her since May, so I am eager to have a check-up and hear her opinions on things. Moving while pregnant has certainly sped things along (figuratively) -- I'm hardly aware of what week we are even at, let alone remembering that I'm pregnant. I like not obsessing over it, although I have been lying in bed within the last couple days wondering about what it will be like to have a newborn again. I must say that I am really looking forward to it, even though I fret a bit about what it will be like to share myself with another child. I know it is possible, but sheesh...how is it done?

Another thing this move has accomplished is absolutely zero talk of naming. We didn't get truly serious about it until the end last time, but we had at least conversed about it throughout the pregnancy. With this pregnancy, I would say that we have talked about it a total of 2 times in 6 months. That doesn't add up to much.

I'll have more reflections on living in a rural community after I get back online. I need to to reflect and revise. The library is not conducive to that kind of thing -- it is more rush, rush, rush. Starbeans is very entertained today, which is nice. He is fiddling with books and stuffed animals.

A woman just mentioned that the new HP is out -- I can't wait! I think I'll be able to borrow my SIL's copy in a couple of weeks. I hope it doesn't get spoiled for me before then. You can bet that my entire family each has their own copy and will have their nose in it for a number of hours or days, depending on the person.

And now I say adieu. Adieu!

Still internet-less

Just checking in (at the library) to say...HELLO.

We bought a kite at a local coffee shop this past week. It is so cute -- one of the old-fashioned kite-shaped kites. We moved to one of the windiest spots in the midwest, due to the topography -- so the kite can lift off the ground and go sky-high with just one person. It has a little poison dart frog on it -- so cute.

Bah! I feel rushed and can't get my thoughts together. We should be back online by the end of the week, hopefully. Pregnancy is going well; Starbeans is changing almost every week. He started calling me "Mommy" out of the blue last week. It had always been "Mama" until that point, and now it morphed to "Mommy" most of the time. I like it, though -- it is so adorable. He is also singing songs that go like this --

Mama...Mama
Dada...Dada
Bupa...Bupa
Gramma...Gramma
Doey...Doey
Mimi...Mimi
Bupa...Bupa
Dada...Dada

and so on and so forth. The first Mama (or Dada, or Bupa, or Mimi) is always high and the second is lower. Doey is my parents' dog, Joey.

Internet deprivation

I have been without access to the internet for over 2 weeks. Ack! It has been terrible.

The short synopsis:

• We didn't get to move into our new place until Tuesday, July 3rd. There were all kinds of hang-ups with title easements -- we stayed at my in-laws for a week and a half. It was relaxing, but also quite discombobulating. We both felt completely uprooted, like we were going to be going "home" to Minneapolis after a long weekend of visiting. Starbeans, of course, loved being at Bupa and Gramma's house.
• Since we moved in a week ago, I haven't been able to leave the house. We only have one car; that worked just fine where we were before, but is going to be a bit of a problem where we are now. If I don't want to go stark raving mad, that is.
• Our town's library is open 3 days a week for 8 hours and 1 day a week for 4 hours; that is so much better than my in-laws' library, which is open 3 times a week for -- get this -- two hours. What a farce! I'd go nuts.
• We don't have internet access yet. I've been too busy trying to manhandle our existence under control. Unfortunately so, because I've missed it a lot. I do know that it looks like our monthly bill for high-speed internet connection will probably be twice that of what it was. Figures.
• This is so unbelievable, but it took us 6 hours to clean the kitchen and bathroom the first day we were there. Not to mention the rest of the house, but these two rooms were the most urgent. As my MIL said, the kitchen was as dirty as any normal kitchen that needed a yearly scrub-down, but it wasn't cleaned [for us]. Not by a long shot. I thought that it was a normal social custom to clean for the new arrivals??? We were quite perplexed, especially since our place in Minneapolis was spotless, right down to all the walls and windows being washed. Seriously.

I've got to run -- Starbeans needs me. I'm at the library; this is the first chance I've had at going online since June 23rd. Wow. I'm sorry if I've left you all hanging -- I'm sure I've left a few getting a little nutty with curiosity.

Goodbye, Minneapolis -- I've loved you

Today is the day. We are almost totally packed up: this morning will be finishing it off and completing the remaining cleaning jobs. We slept on the floor last night. Yikes, it wasn't pleasant. I'm not kidding when I say that I'm pretty sure I've been awake since 3:30 or so.

I'll check in with you all sometime within the next week. The only internet access I will have will be at the Small Town library -- I don't know what they offer, so we'll see. Think of us!

Snags explored

Closing on our new farmstead will be postponed until sometime next week, now for two reasons:

1. Verification of Employment. Because Squeeze will not be offered the job officially until his drug test comes in clean, the earliest we will be able to verify income is Monday or Tuesday of next week. After our lender gets that information, they will notify our title company, who will overnight the closing package to us -- we will sign it in front of a notary, overnight it back to them, and they will record it.
2. Title Easements. Some kind of drain tile installed years ago implicated 166 acres in the area (nowhere near our future property) and a quit-claim deed must be signed by two outside parties in order for title to be clear. This shouldn't be a problem -- in fact, resolution of the easement should coincide nicely with our income verification. So even if we had our loan in 100% order, closing would have still been postponed.

We asked our sellers if we could move in on Saturday [as planned] and pay them one week's rent, as we hope to close by Wednesday, but they wouldn't hear of it. Not only are they older, but they are very emotional about having to sell their dream place, so I think they are going to stick it out to the bitter end -- even though they themselves have said, "All we have is a bed and a card table here." No matter. We will set up camp at Squeeze's parents' house until we are able to close. I look at it as potential for fun and relaxation instead of fixating on the fact that we won't be able to settle in for yet another 4-5 days (maybe more, depending). The other factor that relieves my stress is that the sellers are fine with us moving all of our possessions in on Saturday, as planned. If we had to put everything in storage and move twice, I would be living in an entirely different emotional landscape.

Un-un-un-un

Well, Squeeze got the job he was after. We couldn't be more pleased. The only hitch: we need a Verification of Employment letter faxed to our lender by this Friday morning [to close on the new place] and he won't be officially offered the job until next week (after the drug test he is taking right now comes back clean). Unbelievable. But...we are so happy about the job that all the bother of postponing closing and the variety of snags that come with it barely makes a dent in my brain. Wheeeeeee! We're home-free!! He starts July 2nd, so we have a week to settle into our new digs before going back to the new-old grind.

I think I should very dramatically change the name of my blog to Farm Wife.

Living amongst the boxes

Our house is starting to feel less like home, now that we have boxes piled around everywhere. All of our wall-hangings are down, the lamps are packed, and we are down to the bare essentials in the kitchen. It doesn't feel very comfy.

I will be 22 weeks on Wednesday. I'm getting rounder, more rotund, and I'm pretty sure the baby has sleep/wake patterns established. I am also feeling less comfortable and quite fatigued by the end of the day. This is probably because of the amount of work and stress we are under. It makes sense. I hope things go back to normal after our move; although it may take weeks and months to get settled. Not to mention culture shock. I expect there to be plenty of that.

I've been watching homebirths on YouTube over the last month. It thrills me. The women are always in the final stages of pushing, the most exciting part. I wish I could have watched myself give birth, although I probably wouldn't have paid much attention if I could have (at the time, at least). Have I ever told you that in the final stages of pushing with Starbeans, I felt like I was in a dark tunnel with stars whizzing by? No joke. I was so focused that I couldn't hear anyone around me, I couldn't see anything except the tunnel, and between pushes I would come back to reality in a kind of bizarre way. It was so interesting. I hope to give birth in the squatting position this time around; it looks like a very natural position to do so. Last time, I was in a bed and pulling on a sheet with my feet propped up on bars, which felt just right. It will be interesting to see what happens this time, especially with the freedom of being at home. I am really looking forward to it. I am so glad I'm a female!!

Photo essay of interest:

What the World Eats

I ran into this through another blog that I peek at now and then. It is so interesting! I've seen some of these pictures in a magazine at one point in time and I especially remember the Japanese family, for some reason. Looking through the pictures again, I am fascinated by how many families are pictured with bottles of Coke. Good grief! The American families (British as well) stuck out with how little vegetables they had; for shame. I suppose it is a good representation of the American Diet, though. Sheesh.

I just love that family from Ecuador, don't you??

Toast in June

We are having an extremely dry June here in Minneapolis. We are avoiding watering in the attempt to conserve on water; in fact, I've been watering our outdoor plants with Starbeans' bathwater. It's actually kind of fun, albeit a bit time consuming compared to just turning on a hose. [However, "just turning on a hose" at our house also involves work: when the large back addition was put on however-many-years-ago, there went the outside faucet. We have to hook the hose up to our laundry room faucet in the basement through an open window. Kind of a pain, obviously.] Today, I finally cracked because the rhododendrons, mock oranges, and lilacs were all wilting beyond belief. I felt so sorry for them that when I filled Starbeans' pool, I gave everything a bit of water. Poor things. Thankfully, they've all sprung back.

In other news, we are closing and moving a week from tomorrow! June 22nd. Talk about Club Intensity! I feel fairly laid back at this point, but it is unnerving to contemplate what the next week will look like. Trying to pack up an entire household and say our goodbyes in the space of a few days. I can imagine we will be completely drained when all is said and done. I tell myself it will be worth it; and it will, but, crap. What a lot of work.

Time to start watching my tongue!

I let one of our cats in yesterday after she was so annoyingly scratching at the door. [We have been letting them out now, in preparation for their lives as Country Cats.]

"Idiot," I said.

Behind me, I heard a sweet little voice say, "Id-dit."

Uh-oh.

Keeping cool

Squeeze bought Starbeans an inflatable pool while we were at my parents' house. It is the best - we [both] love it. After 4 hot hours in the car yesterday, we donned our bathing suits and splashed ourselves silly. Squeeze had to go straight to bed, as he is still working nights; his sleep schedule has been out of whack for several weeks now and there is no point in trying to get back to a day-sleeping schedule. He only has a week and a half left. YESSSSSSS. I am really happy about that. It will be nice to have him back. What a pain in the butt night-work is.

About the ponytail -- isn't it just darling? I suppose we'll eventually crack and have to cut his hair, but the curls are so sweet and I can't bear the thought. The ponytail made its appearance fairly quickly after sitting in a hot, wind-whipped car for a few minutes. He didn't seem to mind one bit and it caused us to melt into oozy puddles of affection.

Though you may not believe it,

I really am alive.

We spent 8 hours in the car in two days. It was terrible and it was hot. No air conditioning, temps hovering around 90 degrees. Misery. Squeeze had a job interview in Large Town, SD. It went well; however, there are 3 other people vying for the position, so it is pins and needles for us. Our new home loan is dependent on providing proof of income and we have until the 22nd to do so. Yikes! Talk about a time crunch. There are a couple of other prospects, but this, by far, is the most tangible of all his potential job connections. We really hope he gets it.

Starbeans has had a verbal explosion. He is repeating everything we say now, whether a verb, adverb, noun, or adjective. He's adding the appropriate consonants to the end of words now, like, "buS" instead of "buh"; "yo-go-T" instead of "yo-go"; "caR" instead of "cah". We are very impressed. My favorite is "yo-go-t" because he often says, "yo-go-t-t-t" just for a little extra umph. He is also having lively fake phone conversations, this morning's being just under a minute and punctuated with a lot of pseudo-giggles, yeahs, and a grand finale of "BYE-BYE!!" Oh man, he is just so cute.

Meanwhile, we are prepping for our move. We gathered boxes out of cardboard dumpsters on Saturday night, listed 6-8 different things on Craigslist under the FREE section (4 things remain), and continue to add to the thrift store pile. Pretty much everything is packed, except the entirety of the kitchen, our bedroom, and most of Starbeans' toys. And the garage, ack. We have less than 2 weeks. It is going to be an arduous task, to say the least; but it will be done before we know it. Godspeed!

Checking in

My goodness. It has been a long time since I've posted. I'm alive and well, but too busy to get near a computer. I can imagine it will probably be like this for the next month or so.

I'm actually at my parents' house in Western WA. I've been here for a week now; Starbeans is living it up with Bupa and Gramma, loving all the attention and interaction. They love it too, of course: it makes me happy.

I've been feeling the baby move a lot -- mostly the feeling of light tapping on either side of my belly. My uterus is enlarging rapidly, as I now can feel a big hard lump in my lower belly where I used to have to feel around for it a bit. I really love feeling it move, imagining who it is and what it must look like. Everything is so mysterious at this point.

All my pregnancy books got packed up in January (before we knew we would be pregnant soon), so I'm not as on it with this pregnancy. I'm too lazy to look online (besides, I like books better) and the pregnancy book I did have, I had to return to the library. With my first pregnancy, I could tell you everything that was going on with baby and body week by week, but this pregnancy -- not so much. Not that I have a lot going on or anything, right? Sheesh, man. I'm looking forward to life slowing down a bit. But...does it ever? I have a sneaking suspicion that it doesn't.

Finding "Bee-doles"

Baby Lucy

Starbeans' older cousin, Mari, gave him a realistic baby doll this last weekend, called "Lucy". Her head is hard and floppy and sometimes bashes him in the face, but he loves her anyway. It is so cute!

He has just started getting interested in dolls within the last month or so: starting with my use of the Doll-baby Jealousy Nursing Technique, but it has continued with a genuine interest in playing with them. He carries the dolls around, gives them water from his sippy cup, and points out Lucy's eyes, ears, mouth, and toes; even as I write this, he is giving Baby Lucy a ride in his "Bih-Tuh" [Big Truck].

Fashion [that doesn't make] Sense

I can't wait until the current fashion of HUGE t-shirts and ENORMOUS pants and shorts dissipates. The teenage boys in our area look so silly. They can barely walk, with their pants clinging to their upper thighs -- they waddle like ducks, constantly clutch at their belts, and continuously attempt to keep their pants from plain-old falling to the ground. It is downright absurd. Will they ever look back at themselves, like many have been known to do, and say, "I wore that??"

An interesting side note on that last question: It seems that the people who are the most whooped up about keeping with the fashions are the ones who say it with the most fervor. I wore that?? As you might imagine, I do not fall in that category...I just don't have the energy or interest to participate. Just let me be warm, comfortable, and moderately attractive.

Closing date: scheduled

We signed the purchase agreement on our home last night. Our closing date is scheduled for Friday, June 29th. Wow. This is really going to happen. Next weekend, we are traveling to our New Town and signing the purchase agreement on that place. The 15 acre farmstead. Wow. We're gonna be Rural in less than 2 months --------- Whoa.

Drying diapers

Where diapers hang to dry in the spring, summer, & fall

Where diapers hang to dry in the winter (in the basement)

Today is 16 weeks - I should be feeling the baby start to move soon. I first felt Starbeans move at 17 weeks, which is pretty early for a first pregnancy. None of my friends would believe me, but I knew what I was feeling; and slowly but surely, those fluttering feelings became firmer until they became full-fledge punches and kicks. I can't wait! Then maybe I'll start feeling truly pregnant, instead of just thick in the middle.

Curls

Starbeans' hair is curling up into little ringlets with more moisture in the air, giving me all the more reason to delay the inevitable First Haircut. It is so precious! I'll have to post pictures soon.

An a. borealis stream-of-consciousness list (straight from my brain to yours)

• I don't own a microwave.
• I don't own a dishwasher.
• I do own a television.
• I read a lot more before Starbeans was born.
• I'm getting sick of the pseudo-name, 'Starbeans'. That was a nickname for him for a few weeks when he was 6 months old. I really want to just call him by his real name, which means, supplanter, and is the Spanish version of James, but I don't know if I ever will because it seems like it would be so revealing. I certainly can't change his pseudo-name at this point. That would be too hard.
• I love trees and fungi.
• I have been known to cry over the sheer beauty of violins and cellos playing.
• Once, Squeeze bought a huge set of ear phones to go with his discman. I ripped on him and ripped on him over their size and seeming extravagance until, one night, he had me listen: playing was Sacred Treasures: Choral Masterworks from Russia. It made me cry like a newborn babe.
• I always wanted to live either in the city, or in the country. Never in the suburbs.
• I lived in the suburbs from birth to age 14, then lived in a semi-rural town until I graduated from high school.
• I spent college in the suburbs again.
• I have lived in the city as an adult, thus far.
• The town my family moved to when I was 14 was an old logging-turned-farming community - my mother's family has been there for 4 generations.
• That town is now one huge development.
• It makes me sad, but I know that the wheels of change have been in motion for not just 10, 15, or 20 years, but over 100 years. It struck me when I was in the new grocery store in town last fall: I saw a picture of 3 women, sitting abreast an enormous stump -- there was room for at least two more people on each side of them. The picture was taken in the very district my family lived in for 10 years and not a tree of that size exists, anywhere. They were all decimated. You see? Change began long ago.
• Where I live in Minneapolis was farmland 100 or so years ago.
• No one can stop "progress".
• One of our main requirements for going rural was to move to a community that would NOT become a suburb in a matter of 10-20 years. As a town of 700, not on any major freeway, and over an hour from any smallish-city, I hope our chosen place will not fall prey.
• More than likely, we will be living rurally by this July.
• Sometimes I get scared about being stranded: my MIL & FIL and Squeeze's grandma live in the town 1/2 hour north, but we don't know anyone else. I am used to being very social, seeing people as I please and going to any store as I please (not to mention any library I please). I know this is going to change and it frightens me a little.
• But it isn't going to stop me.

THE END.

A newly discovered book, which I plan to buy

Published by Garden Way Publishing in 1983:

Food Drying: How to Dehydrate, Store and Use Vegetables, Fruits and Herbs

5/3 update: I bought it over ebay on a Buy it Now for 1 dollar, 5 dollars total. The poor sucker doesn't know what he'll be missing (but I do). Yippee!

Nursing multiples

Starbeans started doing the cutest thing within the last couple of weeks. He brings his dolls into me to nurse them, saying, "Mee! Mee! Mee!" [this of course, means "Milk! Milk! Milk!"]. It all started one night when he wouldn't settle down and I used the Doll-baby Jealousy Nursing Technique, bringing his dolls to my breast to make him calm down and want to nurse (and therefore get sleepy and go to bed). It worked.

Now, almost every day, he brings them to me for "Mee!" He has even started nursing them himself, lifting up his teeny shirt and holding them to his little baby nipple. It is unbearably adorable. He pats their backs while he holds them there. It brings a tear to my mothery eye.

Ring-a-ting-ting II

I heard the local Ice Cream Man going by again this weekend, playing,

O Christmas Tree,
O Christmas Tree,
How lovely are your branches!

Yanked out of self-pity

Finally, after two months, our schedule is starting to get to me. Because Squeeze is working nights and sleeping during the day, he must keep this schedule even on weekends to keep himself in the groove. Effectively, for me, it is as if he works 7 days a week; I have been alone with Starbeans until 4:00 pm every day since the beginning of March. The good side of this is we (Squeeze and I) actually get time together alone; whereas when we were both working part-time, weeks could go by without us ever being able to connect as a couple. That was really tough. We also feel much more balanced, which feels so good. While we are both happier with our current schedule, it is still far from ideal.

Knowing that everything is temporary helps, but Starbeans' teething and the seemingly constant fits and crying this week sent me into a downward spiral of despair. One that only my girl Barbara Kingsolver could yank me out of. During his nap today, I sat out in our sun-filled porch with carrots, cheese, and hummus by my side and soaked in the first three essays of Small Wonder. Finally, something to bring me out of my myopic focus on my own frustrations. Not necessarily trivial frustrations, but ones that I was allowing to effect me in a greater scale than should be. Barbara Kingsolver has a way of writing that incorporates the world at large. I particularly enjoy the way she looks at this through the lenses of biology and history. She reminds me that not only are the problems of the world much greater than mine, but so is the beauty, ingenuity, and stark grandeur of life on this planet, throughout all of its systems. I really appreciate her voice, much like the writings of Wendell Berry. She speaks so clearly.

With my remaining free-time, I looked for her online and found that she has a new book coming out May 2007, called Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life. In it, Kingsolver chronicles a year that her family ate only what they grew or raised themselves, or what they could buy locally. I can hardly wait! With her usual insight into life, I'm sure that she will knock me flat. It's gonna be awesome.

Etc. etc. etc.

My brother's girlfriend, Ashley, was here on Wednesday for a few hours; we walked down to the creek and then stopped by an ice cream shoppe called the Pumphouse Creamery, where we chowed on arguably the best ice cream I've ever had in my entire life. This is coming from a girl who prefers savory over sweet just about any day of the week: it was that good. I've been deviously strategizing ways of getting back there with Squeeze in tow. He loves ice cream.

Picking his nose with a pretty girl

Meeting Ashley was really cool. She's from British Columbia, Canada and was road-tripping it from BC to NY with one of her roommates from college. The youth! The freedom! She is very sweet: genuine and easy to talk to. This girl keeps it real. I like that. A lot.

Starbeans has been growing and changing with leaps and bounds:

• His new thing is "jumping" from his kiddie chair into my (or Squeeze's) arms. He climbs up on it and says, "Duhm! Duhm! Duhm!" [which of course, means, "Jump! Jump! Jump!"], makes big, theatrical movements as if he is going to catapult himself off the chair like a wildman, then walks right into our waiting arms. The kid can't jump yet. He knows what it is, but those chubby little feet never leave the ground.


• He is adding descriptors into his jargon, like "Bih Tuh!" [Big Truck] and "Bih Tratow!" [Big Tractor]. Well, I guess that is only one descriptor: BIG. I thought there were others, but they have left me (if ever they existed).


• His memory is amazing: We're working on not throwing food from his highchair. I've explained to him a million times: when he's done eating, say, "Mama, all done" and I will clear his tray and get him down. Up until this morning, he just didn't get it. The food would be thrown, reprimands would be made, the clean-up would start. But this morning, he pointed to the floor and said, "No, no"; I gave my mini-lecture again, and he responded with, "Ah-doh" (with the sign) instead of throwing food. He got it!! It is so encouraging, knowing that he eventually gets it. We went through the same thing with screaming when he was done eating. He finally started saying, "Ah-doh"...that is, until the food throwing began.


• His memory is amazing, Part II: He still remembers where the cat pooped on the floor by the door. He often brings up when he fell off the loveseat and hit his head on the floor the other day, by saying "Ow! Ow! Ow!", pointing to the loveseat and his head. When asked if he wants to go on a walk, he'll go and get up into his stroller on the porch. Every time we drive by a certain bright yellow restaurant on our way home from the library, he points to it and says, "Ye-yo!" He remembers the "Yowd!" trucks on our alley from 3 weeks ago. Every time we're in the backyard, he points to the door in the fence and says, "Bupa!" because that is where Grandpa parks when he comes over (in the alley driveway). He knows the cats' names. Etc. etc. etc.

Negotiations: Complete

I can't believe it, but we actually negotiated to a price that we are both satisfied with. We should be signing a Purchase Agreement this week. It is amazing how things can work out. The next hurdle will be for Squeeze to find a job near our new place, which could potentially be difficult. He doesn't necessarily have a specific trade or profession, so we're basically looking for anything that will pay the bills and secure financing on our pursuit of going rural. We will most likely be closing at the end of June, so we have two months! Yikes.

All in all, we are very pleased with ourselves. Considering market conditions and the fact that we never even had to list our home, things have gone very well for us. Months and months of intense labor are paying off and now we can enjoy our last two months at the peak of our garden's glory. We couldn't be happier! Here's to hoping the job search goes surprisingly smooth...

Aside from that, my youngest brother's girlfriend will be stopping by tomorrow; she's on her way with one of her roommates to NY. I haven't met her yet, so I'm excited for the opportunity. It should be interesting.

Starbeans has been singing a lot lately. His new hit single is called, "You You You". Those are the only lyrics. I wish you all could hear it; he is so dang cute. And while I'm on the subject of cute...he fell asleep today while watching Gumby. I usually let him watch Gumby for 10-15 minutes after his bath in the morning [email time for me!], but today, he took a bath in the afternoon. It is much to my chagrin to admit this, but...whenever the kid poops, I plop him in the tub. I'm not cleaning up that crap! I probably have the luxury to do this with one child...I shudder to imagine actually having to clean a turdy butt without the bath as a tool. Yuck. Anyway - he took a bath right before nap-time, and not to break bath-time tradition, I let him watch Gumby afterwards. The poor baby fell right asleep. I should have known!

One of the Remaining Two took the opportunity for some snuggle-time with a motionless and non-harrassing toddler

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I am reveling in a well-deserved break from my munchkin today [his nap]. He missed his nap two days in a row this week - Thursday and Friday - and while he did nap yesterday, I spent the entire three hours in a cleaning frenzy, preparing for our potential buyers' 2nd visit. Living in a house and showing a house are entirely two different realities...man. But the hard work will pay off in the end, especially if we are able to negotiate to a price that pleases us both. We shall see.

Bloodroot

Yellow & Purple Crocus

If there is any time of the year that I feel reluctant to move, it is spring. Our garden is on the verge of radiance; it is so nice to spend time outside. I know that 15 dreamy acres located in farmland will make our postage stamp of a yard seem like a cage, but I still feel sad about leaving all of our hard work. Four years of landscaping, to be enjoyed by someone else; much of it purchased when we actually had the money to buy nice things. We also planted several trees, three birch and a sugar maple - I feel sad about never being able to see them mature. There are so many bushes and plants in our yard that I will miss. Thankfully, we will be taking divisions of many of the perennials; but our most favorite dwarf Colorado Blue Spruce is going to have to stay. Sad.

Ring-a-ting-ting, complaining, midwifery & FSBO updates

I heard the first Ice Cream Man of the season yesterday. Where I grew up (Western WA), we called him the Popsicle Man. I once blew 20 dollars that I had found at my elementary school playground during after-school hours, ALL ON POPSICLES. I think I bought them for all my siblings and any kids around at the time, too. I always loved the Astro Pops the best.

Anyway, our Ice Cream Man yesterday afternoon played an array of Christmas music, of all things. While he was going by, I heard Jingle Bells and Silent Night. It seems so bizarre and ironic to me as a Northerner. Perhaps a Southerner wouldn't think twice? There is such a firm connection between summer and popsicles/ice cream that is seems so strange to be playing wintry Christmas songs while cajoling through the neighborhood. It gave me a chuckle while I was slaving to wash and rinse blinds that have been in storage since we moved in. It was shocking how dirty they were. It took some serious scrubbing to get the grim off and all the while, I was thinking, "Four years later, and we're still cleaning up their messes!" Seriously. They better be glad they sold in a Seller's Market. Spring cleaning was a foreign concept to these people; they kept their house surfacy-clean, so we spent the first few weeks/months opening up hiding places and shrieking, "Ahhhhhhkkkgh!" You would think blinds would qualify in the Surface Dept.

My meeting with the midwife went well; it was more of a "get to know you" session. We spent a lot of time just chatting, intermixed with light talk about birthing philosophy. They just sold their home FSBO, so that was an interesting connection. Starbeans spent his time going back and forth between the "prenatal room" and the living room, bringing toy cars galore and lining them up on the couch. I liked her. She seemed very big on nutrition and food intake during pregnancy, which is really nice. She is still nursing her 3 year old, so I know that she'll be very supportive in that dept. It seemed like the process of seeing her up unto the birth is not only to monitor general well-being and the pregnancy as it progresses, but also to get a good feel for each other prior to the Big Event. I like that, too. In the case of our move, she is willing to meet half-way for check-ups (amazing) and fine with traveling the 2-3 hours from her home to ours for the birth. She said that there aren't many midwives in the Western MN area. After my search, I would agree with her. I couldn't find much of anyone. Sad.

As far as selling our home goes, we may be going FSBO after all. I can hardly believe it. A simple conversation while meeting a new neighbor morphed into an opportunity to sell our home. The interested couple are friends of our neighbor; they want to move into South Minneapolis and like the idea of living close to their friend and, I believe, the Creek. They came and looked at our house last Friday and are already in the process of scheduling an inspection, an appraisal, another look-through, and plan to put their offer in this Sunday evening. It will be interesting to see what happens. We haven't signed with a realtor yet, so we are home-free to go FSBO. As you can imagine, we are very pleased. We knew our house was cute, but it is so nice to have that affirmed by an outside party. Hooray!

Formerly Four

I haven't posted on this yet, but we relieved ourselves of another cat this weekend. We are down to two, which is much more manageable number, even for cat-lovers. Our stress level is noticeably lower; we knew it would be like that, but it is so hard to part with felines that have become firmly entrenched in one's heart.

Little Bud (formerly known as Seven before he came to us), has a new home with the brother of one of my former co-workers and neighbor, Christina. They are so kind to send us emails of how he is getting along [fabulously]. I am very thankful for that, it makes things a little easier. He is 100% Persian, bred for a longer face, so not show quality - but living a higher quality of life because of it. He is dumb as a rock, but so, so gorgeous.

Here's how inbred he is:

• His dad is his grandpa
• His mom is his sister

Yeah, try to wrap your mind around that one. But his breeders, like I said, were going for a longer nose. We got him from a friend who was moving and couldn't take him with (he still can't). He claims to have never seen that Seinfeld episode (the one where George goes ballistic after his acquaintances name their son Seven, the name he came up with). Whatever... The trial-period name before that was Pokey, so I'm glad that didn't stick.

I miss him. Every now and then I think of something he'd be doing or I think I heard his pathetic little meow, and I miss him more. We started calling him Little Bud because it was the only name stupid enough to fit his mental capabilities - like running after Q-tips that weren't even thrown, humping on stuffed animals, and attempts at ingesting yards (and I mean yards) of ribbon. He truly was a little buddy.

Midwifery: engaged

I'm meeting with a homebirthing midwife tomorrow morning...my first appointment! We spoke on the phone today for about 20 minutes, then scheduled an introductory meeting for tomorrow morning. During our conversation she said that she is willing to travel to our new home, if and when we are able to move by the time of the birth (which is the goal). I thought that was amazing, as it will be a full three hours away.

I am excited to hear her birth philosophy and start making plans for our birth process. I look forward with great interest to going through labor and childbirth again; especially being at home. I have a hunch that it is going to be a completely different experience. It is going to be so interesting!! The best part about it is that sweet little newborn that will be on the other end of it. What a precious thing to contemplate: the fact that it exists right now, who it will be and what it will look like are already formed. That really blows my mind. Squeeze is already calling it a "him", as males run so heavily on the Borealis side. In four generations, there have been 9 males and only 3 females born from Borealis men: those are pretty heavily weighted odds. [Interestingly, the 3 females are spread across 3 generations.] I'm still calling it an "it", though. I prefer the mystery.

While we were discussing our appointment tomorrow, the midwife clearly expected that both Squeeze and I would be coming to the appointment. I was a bit taken aback, mostly because he will be sawing logs at 10:00 am and taking "time off" from sleep is simply not an option - so I didn't even consider it. [Now that he works nights, he sleeps from about 8:00 am to 4:00 pm.] Thinking about it more, her assumption that he would be there is probably another indicator of her birth philosophy...that the male is going to be completely involved and therefore will want to be a part of everything. I like that.

Wednesday is 13 weeks.